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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH struggling to cope with my pregnancy sickness

127 replies

LilacWine7 · 09/04/2015 16:49

I was diagnosed with severe form of pregnancy sickness 3 months ago and it hasn't improved much. I've tried medications and every alternative remedy out there but most days i still vomit several times and some days I vomit 10x or more. In between I feel nauseous though have started to have a few hours a day when the nausea lifts.

DH was very patient at first but now he is fed-up and frustrated. He complains we have no social life, no sex life and he feels neglected. I've explained I can't get in the mood for sex when I feel sick (we've only had sex 4x since I got pregnant) and I hate leaving the house unless essential as I hate being sick in public. Friends visit us at home but i find it tiring, and when we have overnight guests he ends up doing most of entertaining. Ive managed to go back to work part-time but often take days off sick when i'm vomiting a lot (its a very physical client-centred job). He thinks I should force myself to go in every day as its a new role and I need to make good impression.

Most of time he's very caring, does all the food shopping, helps with meal prep etc. Other days he gets angry and says I need to make more effort with our relationship, try harder to go to work and get out of house more. He thinks fresh air and eating something every hour will help, but sometimes nothing helps and he doesn't understand I can't eat regularly at work. He nags me to eat all the time as he's worried the baby might not get enough nutrients.

How can i improve our relationship and help him to be less impatient? I know its hard for him but I don't have much energy. I can't watch movies with him either (TV triggers sickness) and when I feel ill i just want to curl up by myself. How do i stop him feeling neglected and ignored? I know he's stressed and worried, but how do i reassure him? He says my mood-swings are horrendous.

OP posts:
TerryTheGreenHorse · 09/04/2015 17:18

You don't need to help him you need to get Angry.

He is being a total arsehole.

monkeysaymoo · 09/04/2015 17:22

Oh god he sounds like a whiny, spoilt child. If he's like this now what will he be like when the baby arrives. Tell him to grow up

pocketsaviour · 09/04/2015 17:24

Tell him to give his head a wobble.

Maybe this might open his eyes.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/04/2015 17:24

Oh you poor woman, a friend of mine had this and it really is debilitating. Of course complaining you are essentially no fun at present (not his precise words but the gist) and nagging you over the baby's health is no earthly help at all.

Better prepare him for when your baby does arrive. He may not have realised there's going to be a loop of sleep/scream/feed and nappy change for quite some time so if he's feeling hard done by now, I'm not sure he has the capacity to handle babyhood.

Can he accompany you to the next midwife appointment? He might take her views seriously.

grumbleina · 09/04/2015 17:25

WTAF. You're sometimes vomiting 10 times in a day and he 'feels neglected' and wants more sex?

Give him a box of tissues, a blow up doll and a pre-packed suitcase, tell him it's his support package and you'll be in touch about contact after the baby's born.

AnyFucker · 09/04/2015 17:27

my H and I didn't have sex for a full 12 months around my pregnancies

not once did he get "angry" or make me feel bad for something that was not my fault

I fucking hate men like this

Undecided90 · 09/04/2015 17:27

Didums. It must be so tough on him.

Seriously OP , you have a man child.

ovaltine · 09/04/2015 17:38

I think your husband needs to take a read of this website www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/ and this blog is amazing www.spewingmummy.co.uk/

I suffered with HG in my first pregnancy, was horrific. Weirdly kept wanting sex and once did actually puke on DH which was very sexy. Perhaps just do that?! :) I think it's amazing you work at all!

Wenglish · 09/04/2015 17:47

What AF said!

MrsWembley · 09/04/2015 18:04

I'm just going to ditto everyone else. I don't think you'll have a single poster here telling you what you should do to make him feel better, I think everyone is pretty much in agreement that he is a fuckwit and you need to let him know that this is just the beginning.

Oh and I agree with ^^ - I'm amazed you're managing to stay working and haven't been signed off sick. Do you think if that were to happen he might take you seriously or would he just assume you could do more around the house as you would have so much more free time?HmmHmm

sus14 · 09/04/2015 20:28

I wasn't remotely as bad, but had bad nausea, it made me miserable, plus it was second pregnancy after miscarriage so I was obsessed with not losing the baby. I hope this won't happen for you , but this was where our relationship permanently changed, he couldn't accept that I didn't want sex, that my focus,was baby and how ill I felt and my fear of losing it. He couldn't be patient. And when I was 8 months pregnant, he hit me for the first and not the last time. In hindsight, I should have set the boundaries very clear when he started being a prick. And yours sounds a total prick I,agree with pp. sorry .

Mandatorymongoose · 09/04/2015 20:48

Could you perhaps make him a delicious meal to make him feel more appreciated? Prehaps some undercooked meat that's been left out on the side for a bit too long?

Then when he's throwing up and feeling like shit demand sex and tell him he should get his lazy arse to work.

only half joking

Theoldcauliflower · 09/04/2015 20:53

Sounds like a total twat!! Please show him this thread! Selfish fucker!!

Ledkr · 09/04/2015 21:03

Fucking hell!
Never in my life have I heard of such a selfish prick of a man.

What will happen if you ever get seriously ill or god forbid your child does?

Next time you vomit do it in his shoes.

AnyFucker · 09/04/2015 21:06

this thread is a very rare thing

completely unanimous

butterflyballs · 09/04/2015 22:48

How are you op?

tallwivglasses · 09/04/2015 23:58

I'd like to think OP's shown him the thread and he's apologising while giving her a foot rub...Hmm

AnyFucker · 10/04/2015 00:00

that is very optimistic, tallwiv

AradiaQueenWitch · 10/04/2015 00:19

What everyone else said. He is being a selfish twat of the highest order. I'd show him a fucking mood swing as well! He gets angry does he? Seriously OP, that is as far from caring as you can get!! Knob.

trackrBird · 10/04/2015 00:29

Your last paragraph is all about him. How hard it is for him. How to reassure him. Helping him be less impatient. Improving your relationship.

What about you?
Don't you think this horrible sickness is pretty hard on you? And that you might need reassurance, kindness and care rather more than he does.

There is a baby coming into your lives. I wonder, will he expect his sex and social life to carry on much as before? And if he feels neglected now, how will he cope when there's a child needing 24/7 attention?

This really doesn't bode well, OP.

Fairenuff · 10/04/2015 00:41

He complains we have no social life, no sex life and he feels neglected.

Well he'd better get used to it because that just about sums up life with a newborn. Tell him grow up sharpish.

Ratfinkandbobo · 10/04/2015 00:46

Wait till he is also getting woken up with a crying baby every couple of hours, plus, getting no sex!

cerealqueen · 10/04/2015 00:54

What a nightmare, sounds horrendous.

Take him with you to a midwife appointment and ask her what she suggests for your poor fucker of a husband.

TendonQueen · 10/04/2015 01:12

What a dick. He's going to find parenthood a massive shock, I'm afraid. I don't like the phrase 'man up' but I think for this it's the thing he needs to hear.

Thurlow · 10/04/2015 07:43

Don't you just love it when a thread is productive and helpful Hmm

Poor OP, it's hardly doing much good simply to be told he's a dick an he's apparently going to be a useless dad.