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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you forgive me?

67 replies

wheelsanddollbaby · 01/11/2006 21:52

I became friends with a girl that I bumped into on the street once(she was a famous model and is now a writer). We were good friends for years but when I introduced her to my future husband, it was like hate at first site. She said he looked like bad news and he said she was a lesbian(not true). Anyway, after a few months of arguing about my friendship with her, he ordered me to call her and tell her not to contact me again. I have not spoken to her for four years now and am finally rid of the monster. I have tried to contact her but she has moved to another country. I sent an e-mail to her agent but have heard nothing. Would you forgive me if you were her? I truly regret making that phone call.

OP posts:
hairymclary · 01/11/2006 21:54

yes, I would.

waterfalls · 01/11/2006 21:55

Probably, once I heard your side.

galaxy · 01/11/2006 21:55

Yes i would- what have you got to lose anyway by trying to contact at her. At worst, she'll ignore you at best she'll reply positively.

WhoooooshICouldGiveUpWork · 01/11/2006 21:56

Well time is a great healer and if it were me as your friend I think I would.
Love truly is blind and makes us act instrange ways.
Really hope she forgives and forgets but if she doesn't,well, a lesson learned.

Pinkchampagne · 01/11/2006 21:56

Once you had explained the situation I would forgive you, absolutely.

ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG · 01/11/2006 21:56

I don't know. It depends why you felt you needed to do as he told you... did you feel threatened by him? Did you always do as he said?

How long have you and he been split up and why do you want to contact her now?

I expect she was very hurt.. I would have been. Not necessarily unforgivable but it's something that I doubt she could easily forget.. that you just dropped her like a tonne of bricks because your bloke told you to..

MarsLady · 01/11/2006 21:59

Yes I'd forgive you. I've had friends in controlling relationships and just waited until they were ready to be friends again. Hope you get in touch with her and she proves to be a good friend after all this time.

CountTo10 · 01/11/2006 22:00

I would too - friendship is usually stronger than most things - might take some work to get it back to what it was but it'll get there

SSSandy · 01/11/2006 22:01

When you called her to say she couldn't contact you anymore, how did she react? Did you explain then it was because of your bf?

She probably won't bear a grudge after 7 years if you weren't particularly close anyway but she may have moved on and just not be interested in starting up a friendship with you again

wheelsanddollbaby · 01/11/2006 22:06

I wasn't going to try and contact her as I was too ashamed at what I had done to her but a mutal friend reminded how well we got on and said that I should try to get in touch, at least to explain why. Yes, I did feel very threatened by him, though not at that point but I was desperately seeking his approval and I was pregnant with raging hormones and my Mum had just died 6 months before and I would have done virtually anything to please him as he filled a massive void in my life.
She just said 'OK'. I couldn't explain myself as he was sat right next to me and I was crying to much to do more than deliver my lines and hang up.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 01/11/2006 22:43

She might have known what was really going on, you know. Plus did she know your mum had died and you were pg too?

I'd forgive you once you'd explained. Hope you become great pals again.

lou33 · 01/11/2006 22:48

I would forgive you

CountessDracula · 01/11/2006 23:01

yes I would defo

HuwEdwards · 01/11/2006 23:01

I'd forgive you, but given that a lot can happen in 4 years, it may be that her life has moved on a few notches, so don't feel too despondent if she doesn't get back in touch.

GunpowderTreasonAndSNOT · 01/11/2006 23:13

I would

handlemecarefully · 01/11/2006 23:16

Yes I would - but be sure to tell her what you've just told us, I.e.:

"Yes, I did feel very threatened by him, though not at that point but I was desperately seeking his approval and I was pregnant with raging hormones and my Mum had just died 6 months before and I would have done virtually anything to please him as he filled a massive void in my life.
She just said 'OK'. I couldn't explain myself as he was sat right next to me and I was crying to much to do more than deliver my lines and hang up. "

Best of luck - so hope you make contact and it all works out

IvortheEngine · 01/11/2006 23:17

I would forgive you but I also agree with HuwEdwards that things might have changed in the meantime.

morningpaper · 02/11/2006 09:04

EXACTLY this thing happened to me - I was in your friends position.

My friend stopped all contact because of a bullying husband.

When she divorced him, she got back in touch with me.

I was absolutely DELIGHTED to hear from her. I could not have been more happy. There was absolutely nothing to "forgive". I understood what she had been going through with her bullying husband.

Please get in touch with her - I'm sure she will be over the moon to hear from you.

greenday · 02/11/2006 09:42

Plus the satisfaction of knowing that she was right about him afterall .... if I were her, I would forgive you too. Hopefully, her life hasn't changed so much that she hasn't time for old friends.

ghosty · 02/11/2006 09:52

My best friend had a tosser of a controlling boyfriend who tried to stop our friendship. We managed to keep our friendship up even when they got married. They are divorced now (thank god) and we are so glad that we didn't let him come in the way of our 25 year long friendship.
But had let him persuade her to end it with me, I would have forgiven her ... I would have been hurt but I would have forgiven her. Mainly because I have also been on the other side of this fence ... another good friend of mine didn't like my DH - he didn't tell me to end my friendship at all but I made the decision to break it as he was my husband and the person I had chosen to be my life partner. It was all a bit messy but I don't regret my decision.

TheDaVinciCod · 02/11/2006 09:52

thsi si made up surely

expatinscotland · 02/11/2006 09:54

possibly, so long as you didn't sell the story to a 'popular' magazine.

TheDaVinciCod · 02/11/2006 09:56

not the unecessary peppering of sleb hints

krabbiepatty · 02/11/2006 09:58

yes i thought made up

TheDaVinciCod · 02/11/2006 09:59

load fo cobblers

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