Left on own for 2 hours and he is angry with me

[gubbygubby]

A week last last Saturday I had arranged to meet a male friend at ten pm. As he is fairly unreliable I asked him to text if he would be late and was told to "stop whinging"
I was with friends earlier and left them to meet him and when he did not show up I rang and heard nothing.
Eventually he text and said 11 pm sorry
11.30 came and I ordered a taxi and when I was early gone he rang so I got the taxi to take me back.
He was drunk and dismissive of me waiting on my own.
I then bought drinks and we went downstairs to another bar . He went to the loo after 10 mins and did not return.
The doorman told me he got in a taxi.
I was furious and he would not return my calls so I sent angry text telling him he was a selfish entitled wanker and "fuck you"
Also that I had never been treated like that by anyone before.
I was expecting an apology the next day but he did not ring me . He ignored my messages for days and I eventuakky rang using a different number and he answered
He shouted at me for calling him a wanker and telling him to fuck off and then he hung up on me.

I don't think I've done anything wrong and can't believe he is treating me like this.
He has now cut all contact and im a bit gutted .

He has form for being selfish and cutting out people who disagree with him.
He is 66 , stills takes cocaine, stays up on all night benders sometimes . We do get on however as he is a good laugh .
He is unreliable though and often doesn't return texts. If I don't answer his immediately ,he texts again wanting to know why I haven't answered.

Re the above: if your husband is abusive (I haven't read your previous threads) then that really negates any other arrangements. If he's outright nasty to you then I would encourage you to leave.

My parents stayed together because my mum thought you had to stay. I had music lessons and ice skating lessons and holidays and I was fucking miserable and would rather have been broke and happy.

Your children won't die without violin lessons.

My mind is literally boggling at the delusion you're expressing OP

Well I feel steamrollered after that ??.
Like I'm to blame. I feel bad enough already .

You're not to "blame". You are responsible for the direction of your life, however. I think that's what posters here are trying to express.

What direction do you want your life to take, gubby?

Men like this twat will spray their crap around liberally until they find a woman who will come back for more however badly they treat her. His behaviour is not your fault – it's his fault. But if you do go back for more, you're encouraging it and you can take responsibility for not being someone who puts up with that. You don't even have any ties to this man, you don't live with him, you're not living with him, no relationship even. Yet you let him treat you like dirt. People want you to see you simply don't need to do that, and arguably shouldn't because we should all let men like this know they are on a hiding to nothing. The sooner ALL women stop taking crap like this, the sooner decently behaved men will edge these twunts out in a simple evolutionary process.

you don't live with him, you're not living with him,

sorry I meant "you don't live with him, have no kids with him"

I've no idea. Just to get through the next few years i suppose .
I'm actually not very unhappy, just a bit sad sometimes.
Whatever people think about me being a deluded and terrible mum I do my best and my only crime is not to split up the family while vulnerable teen years are here.
I thought trying to name a marriage work was the right thing to do , apparently not.
DH is emotionally unavailable . He does not discuss emotions . That's the way he is. Even coke head Oap commented that we were a weird couple with no emotion. We do have fun though . Not sure where to go now. Feeling gutted after this TBH.
I was only asking about the male friend.
I don't want to date other men either.

I think you are spot on Hesterton

"I was only asking about the male friend."
Yes but what were you asking? Do we think his behavior is acceptable? do we think hanging around with a 60-odd year old coke-head was cool?
Surely you didn't have to post on here to answer those questions?

Do you have a "physical" relationship with your DH?

Yes but it's not very frequent, once a month maybe .

that sucks gubby,

I can totally sympathise with just wanting some fun, and you thought you'd found a fun person, but it is not working out, the guy is not really a friend. Shame! But at least that is very clear now.

I can also totally sympathise with not wanting to divorce. I was told by MN to leave my DH before a well, but I just could not face it. Things are a lot better now. We occasionally hit a rough patch but deep down we are right for eachother.

Things are never black and white, and marriages can be a bit of hard slog I think. With god bits too. But it is not always a bed of roses.

Can you focus on yourself a bit more, and think what makes YOU happy? Maybe joint a club/hobby/activity? A bit of time off from family life?

Can you imagine being with your DP once the kids have left home?

With kindness, you can't make a marriage work on your own.

Your DH needs to make it 'work' too and that means addressing all sorts of painful behaviour. On both sides, actually.

What you're doing is continuing a marriage that doesn't work, not making your marriage work. And that's why it's not making anyone very happy.

Your children are likely all too aware of what is happening at home and you cannot hide it fully from them. They pick up on all the vibes; their dad's interactions or lack of between you. Your DD is perceptive and asks you if you are ok, what is wrong?. What is your response?.

You cannot make a marriage work on your own. There's nothing to rescue and or save here is there?. He is as happy as a clam because he is getting what he wants out of this (you at home to deal with the kids and the house whilst he is unfaithful) but you?. What is in this for you?.

Your children are witness too to what is really a marriage that should have ended years ago. They will not thank you for staying together and will likely despise the pair of you going forward for doing so. Particular scorn will be reserved for you as their mother. If you do leave when they are adults, they will know that you stayed for them and will call you daft for doing so. Your own relationship with them could well be damaged by then too because they will see you as putting him before them.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up, was your own father similarly emotionally unavailable?. I have the impression you learnt an awful lot of damaging stuff which you are simply replaying now in present day.

What do you think they are learning from you as their parents about relationships here?.

Oh, I remember you

At least you accept your husband is a cheating liar now

I am sorry you feel worse after starting this thread

People are concerned for you and for the knock-on effect on your children

Dad fucking randoms. Mum getting fucked about by randoms who are absolutely no good to anyone

Hester is right. You do need to think about what howling black hole you have in the middle of you that attracts the likes of cokehead pensioners and accepts such shitty treatment from them while you go back for more.

This is no way to live, really it isn't

What will you do when he leaves YOU for someone who tells him how amazing he is?

I'd be seriously concerned this would happen if I were you and get inthere first

I'd rather make the decision myself. And do one on my terms.

No one is blaming you for the situation gubbygubby but what people cannot understand is that you wont put in place a solution. "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" only with this DH its a lot more than twice. you have to get out of your head this idea that you are keeping the family together. you aren't. you are keeping your DH exactly where he wants to be. all the comforts and security of home with all the fun of being single. and you get out it what? a "good" feeling that you are the martyr on the altar of the family? stop wasting your precious life on this. get out there, get some counselling for yourself to help with your issues. we on this thread aren't making you feel shit. your realisation, slowly dawning, that you have to take charge and drive this situation on through a fair bit of unpleasantness is what is making you feel shit.