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Original poster

When going out together

45 replies

Ramy48 · 25/03/2015 10:12

With DH, does he insist you leave your handbag indoors? I've never asked why he does that because when I protested once he got very irate.

If I go out on my own he want to know where I'm going and with who, if I get a call say on my mobile he wants to know who calls, if he get's a call on his phone he never says who it was..(I don't ask anyway). If I online he wants to see what I'm doing, If I look what he's doing online he gets annoyed.
If he is going out with his friends to the pub I don't question who are you going with to the pub. But when it's me he wants to know everything especially if maybe my dress is not down to the ground or my top is little bit lower than usual.

As I have become older the stupid behaviour is getting a bit more. DH has never raised his hand to me or talk rudely to me, he put money in my account for me to spend what I like but I just curious does your DH behave like this with you? Or maybe it's me being dozy. Grin

OP posts:
TwoOddSocks · 25/03/2015 10:16

Er no my Dh does not behave like that. He is BVVVVVU and controlling. Are you financially dependent on him?

LadyGregory · 25/03/2015 10:16

What do you mean 'leave your handbag indoors'? You mean, when you and your controlling- sounding husband go out together, he 'insists' you leave your handbag at home???

OP, everything you say about his behaviour sounds insanely paranoid and controlling? What on earth is in this marriage for you, other than not actually being hit?

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 25/03/2015 10:16

The 'dress down to the ground' bit suggests this is a movie reference I din't get.

But, yes. Your leading man is a douche.

Schnullerbacke · 25/03/2015 10:17

Controlling with a C - who the hell does he think he is?

ChoochiWhoo · 25/03/2015 10:17

He sounds very insecure, but manifests itself in unreasonable double standards ..i wouldn't tolerate it, IYS. Do you ask him why hes so controlling on conditions of you going out?

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 10:18

No of course he doesn't act like that.

DH has never raised his hand to me or talk rudely to me, he put money in my account for me to spend what I like

What has that ^^ got to do with the price of fish? Confused

Not being hit or spoken to rudely, is the basic minimum I would expect from any human being...especially one I was married to.

And giving you money doesn't give him the right to control you in this way.

Does he recognise he has a problem?

UghReally · 25/03/2015 10:19

This is abuse.

squizita · 25/03/2015 10:20

There was an advert on at Xmas about emotional abuse. Your OP sounds like the script!! The dh tells his dw she can go out covered up, checks who she is seeing, her bag etc. It ended by saying "abuse isn't just physical".

PurpleBananaPie · 25/03/2015 10:21

That's weird, why would he not want you to take a handbag? Where do you put your purse/keys/phone etc?

He does sound unreasonable and controlling.

Nabootique · 25/03/2015 10:22

I had one of these. I LTB.

AnotherGirlsParadise · 25/03/2015 10:27

My ex always used to question why I had to take my handbag when I went out too. He was controlling, violent, deeply paranoid and convinced that me needing my bag meant I was cheating on him. Note that I called him 'ex'.

Eventually I got so fed up of the CONSTANT accusations of cheating (apparently I was even cheating when I went to visit my parents, so I was only 'allowed' to visit them for half an hour and had to text him constantly), I ended up leaving him for someone else. The ex has treated every girlfriend after me in exactly the same way.

I wouldn't put up with this behaviour, OP - you're entitled to a life!

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 10:32

Perhaps I'm being thick, but I don't get the relevance of the handbag?

What could taking a bag possibly change?

LadyGregory · 25/03/2015 10:33

Explain the handbag issue to me. I must be so cosseted from living with a non-abusive man that I'm not getting it.

Is it so that the woman, lacking money, phone and keys, is fully under the thumb of her abusive partner on a night out?

LadyGregory · 25/03/2015 10:33

X-post, Worra. I don't get it either.

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 10:34

Glad it's not just me, Lady Blush

ImperialBlether · 25/03/2015 10:35

He sounds horrible. I'd 'let' him go to the pub and move out whilst he was gone.

Original poster
Ramy48 · 25/03/2015 10:40

I'm very quiet, hate confrontation. I never saw this as controlling because DH never shout me or nasty to me all these years!

It's just that sometimes I want carry my handbag because maybe it's a new one and I want to wear it out. Just the other day we are going out for dinner and I wanted to bring my camera to take pictures. DH said to use his camera because his one is better and to use this ugly camera bag he got. Well I ended up not bothering with me taking anything because I wasn't going around with such an ugly thing on my shoulder.

You see now DH is not home, I can chat freely online to people if he was at home, he want to see who am I talking to and gets miserable if I don't show him. Your DH he goes on like this with you on your computer?

OP posts:
spiderlight · 25/03/2015 10:44

Absolutely not - he wouldn't dream of it!! This is hugely controlling behaviour, and is not normal at all :(

EponasWildDaughter · 25/03/2015 10:46

You have to wear floor length dresses OP? Is this part of your culture or religion?

Your DH sounds very controlling. My DH would not try to dictate my clothes, or ask me not to take a bag out, or quiz me about my internet use (He is a bit nosy if he's there if my phone goes off - but then i am if his does. It should be equal for both of you) What will you do? Flowers

Penguinsaresmall · 25/03/2015 10:47

He is horribly controlling and abusive.

Do you realise how strange and wrong it is that you are not 'allowed' to take a handbag out with you? That you are not 'allowed' to have any parts of your life private - online, texts, whatever?

He got 'very irate' when you dared question him once. So you dropped it. What would he had done if you hadn't backed down?

Do you have DC? I would LTB - and I really don't say that often.

PlumpingIsQuiteUpForThud · 25/03/2015 10:50

None of your post sounds normal.

How long have you been with him?

CatsCantTwerk · 25/03/2015 10:53

This behaviour is really not normal op. Do You have children, friends, family?

PatriciaHolm · 25/03/2015 10:54

This all sounds horrendous.

No, none of this is remotely normal. He sounds terribly controlling. What you talk about online is nothing to do with him, if you don't want it to be! And the handbag thing is insane.

LadyGregory · 25/03/2015 10:55

Ramy, I think you need help. You sound as if you are half-afraid, if not wholly afraid, of your husband, and because he doesn't shout or hit you, you haven't realised you're in a controlling, abusive relationship with a man who allows you no privacy or independence?

Writerwannabe83 · 25/03/2015 11:10

This is insane.

My sister's ex started off like this and it escalated to the point that if she had been out without him, when she came home he made her take her underwear off so he could have a look at them to see if there were any stains that may indicate she'd had sex with someone. He genuinely thought it was fine for him to go this and she somehow was brainwashed enough to think it was acceptable.

Eventually she found the strength to leave him.

What your DH is doing is not normal!!

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