When I thought he couldn't get any lower!

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

So...

My partner of 7 years left me again 2 weeks ago. Claimed he didn't love me anymore it was like he was living with his best friend all the usual rubbish that after reading on here is classic.
I cried and cried and tried go just take one day at a time.
I was getting good at faking been ok each morning and thought one day I will be fine and I won't be faking it .
The children were ok as used to him working away, they were seeing him often. I even went to stay at his mums house so he could have them at our house.

Then yesterday I received a message to say a mutual friend had been asked if we were still together by someone else and she said yes. I had not spoken to her about it so she didn't know any different.
I then found out that just after he left me he must have been straight into a dating website of some sort and then the day after what would have been our 7 yr anaversary he went to meet her.
So she apparently wasn't happy when finding out he still was according to this lady in a relationship with me . He wanted me to get in touch with the friend to let her cousin know we were not together so he could carry on seeing her.

I know he is in all accounts single but not even 2 weeks??? I really must have ment nothing to him.

I had put up with so much over the years to try and keep the family together. I know I'm well rid of him but how do I stop the hurt?
Head knows but heart is not on the same page.

[Ouchbloodyouch]

Oh I am so sorry. Thats awful. Two weeks is a pretty crappy timescale but in his head he may have already checked out of your relationship and he feels ready to move on
don't contact the friend. Bollocks to that! You don't owe him this.
As for stopping the hurt. Unfortunately I think this is something you will have to work through. There is no cure. Keep contact to a minimum for the children otherwise I would advise NC.
Can you block him from phone and social media (if you haven't done so) and maybe just use email for arrangements?

[Ouchbloodyouch]

Oh and keep busy busy busy. New bed linen (that he hasn't seen) gave me a huge psychological boost. Just be the best you can be. Even if your heart isn't in it. Stay on this board too. Many of the posters here have ended up here due to a heartbreak
we are all working through at different stages
Last September I was a total mess hitting the vino at 430 pm now I am dating and not drinking (much )

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

I said that to him that I'm playing catch up. He must feel ready for this so when did he start planning to leave. He bought me an engagement ring in January!!

I have blocked him on FB so he dosnt show and removed his pic and number from my phone as when he was messaging it coming up as home made me upset. More so that his pic was one I had taken on a day out with the children.

He still had most of his belongings at the house so I have gold him to get them out. He's coming today while I'm at work apparently.
I have said that I will drop the children with his mum and he should do the sMe for me to pick them back up. It was hard but better for the children how it was before but I feel like I need to protect myself.

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

I have him back the family car ( much to his horror! As a Picasso dosnt really fit in with young single man on the pull) and with help from family got a car that was all mine and the kids. That gave me a boost and I was doing well I till last night.

Thank you for your advice! I'm at a wedding reception we should have both been at on sat night so Friday I have booked after work tan, nails and eye lashes doing. I believed for so long I was lucky to have him and anything was better than nothing. That he was so much better looking than me but I need to see myself in a more positive light.

I need to show my children this is not how you are treated.

[honeyroar]

You sound amazingly strong, I'm sure you will get through this. I think that cutting him out of your life and handing the kids over via his mum for a While will help a lot. Be proud of yourself.

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

I'm really good at faking strong! I never want the kids to feel this way and think it's ok to be treated this way. If it wasn't for that I would be a mess begging him to come back to me and trying to prove I could change when iv done nothing that needs changing.
He's a very messed up man that I tried to save and helped him go some place at work and erm much more money and I feel like I waisted my time and now he can be off taking the kids out on weekends and been the fun one while I do all the rubbish parenting and am seen as mean mummy.

[pocketsaviour]

I think in a lot of men, they cannot cope without being in a relationship. They want to move on from one to the next as quickly as possible. It does leave you feeling like you've been "traded in" so to speak, but try to look at it as YOU are strong enough to cope on your own, but HE isn't.

You are doing all the right things and acting very strong (even if you don't really believe you are!) Give it some time - 2 weeks is still very recent and it's not surprising that it's still painful. You will feel better with time, I know that's a cliché but it's true!

[Anniegetyourgun]

He wanted me to get in touch with the friend to let her cousin know we were not together so he could carry on seeing her.

Good lord. It's not enough to dump and run, now you're expected to conveniently airbrush yourself out of his life? How entitled is he? If you did tell the true story I would hope your friend's cousin would have the sense not to touch him with a barge pole.

[shovetheholly]

Argh, he is a fuckwit. I know it's a cliche, but you are well clear of him, OP. It probably doesn't feel like it right now, but it will in time.

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

Yes the lady oh I see at school said he was going to stay well clear of him now. But really it will be someone sooner or later. Just hurts how fast he traded me in!!

I feel sick at the thought of meeting someone new but know it's only 2 weeks!!!!

I hope that when I get home he has taken the rest of his stuff like he said he was going to. Tomorrow I am taking my engagement ring back to the shop for them to re sell it and then going to put the wedding shoes he bought for me up on eBay!

I just need to keep thinking that money wise he will be better off than me but mental health wise I'll be so much better off without him and the kids will too. I have never bad mouthed him to them and never will.

[Ouchbloodyouch]

I hope you are feeling a little more positive
But its very early days.!

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

I just keep playing over in my head different ways he would have chatted her up and stuff. I'm trying to block it out but not doing a very good job.

He has taken all his stuff so that's a good point. But he hasn't left his keys so looks like he will be back into the house at some point

[Ouchbloodyouch]

Oh the head fuck went on for ever. Unwelcome intrusive thoughts. Took about 4 months for me for those to stop!

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

I'm trying to work on just blocking him out of my head Compleatly. It's funny how when you split from someone then so many people tell you want they really think of that person. My family have been very honest about what they saw him doing to me grinding me down yet I always stood up for him and put him first.

[Ledkr]

When my h left me for ow I had 4 dc one only a baby.
I felt just like you do now and thought I'd never be happy again.

I had a few months feeling bad, then two years of fun and adventures, then I met my now dh who is wonderful.
I was 40 by the time we met and I finally have the relationship I've always wanted.

My x is stil with the ow but hasn't changed at all. Still selfish and emotionally unavailable, he's cheated many times and pretty much does his own thing.

They have the boring unabitious existence that I had and I now have a really fulfilling life.
The children are fine and all doing well.

My friend says it's karma. I'm not sure.

Either way I wanted you to know that there is hope and that the likelihood is that this other women will not change him and have to put up with his lies and nonsense.

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

Today I feel hopefull. I took my ring back to the shop for them to sell for me. I felt very sad as I lives the ring it was very different and very me but I would never be able to look at it as just a ring to wear on another finger.

I am been told by many people how I will go onto meet someone who truly knows how to treat me. I now feel that this could happen one day. I am not ugly/fat/boring like he had made me feel. I'm no longer great full that he was my partner.

Thank you for all your kind words. I know there are hard times to come but today at least I feel hopefull that my life other than been for the children is not over.

[Ledkr]

juice I remember sobbing to a friend and wailing "what shall I do with my wedding ring?"

"Take it to cash generator and buy the kids a play station" was her reply

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

Ha yes great!! I was sad in the shop but just couldn't wear it as a normal ring so it had to go

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

Feeling sad and loanly this morning . I miss sleeping in a bed with him and him cuddling me.
Keep strong!!!!

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

Plus my little boy just said that he has changed the password on his iPad..... Why did he need to do that he's living somewhere else not like I will be going on his bloody iPad !!!! Posting here so I don't message him and say how stupid he is

[Ouchbloodyouch]

Gosh I remember those early days so well. The bed was far too big. Now I have all my books, chocolate and trashy mags by the side of me. Its great!
At Christmas I posted here something quite self pitying about who would want to date me as he had really done a number on my self esteem. My cons were : lone parent. Skint. I have a crap car (yes because I should really value someone who judges me by my car )
Today I am still skint, still a lone parent and my car is running on a wing and a prayer but I feel fucking great.
I work hard (for myself) I don't always get it right but I am becoming a little more successful. I am driven. I am in the very early stages of a relationship. I turned up as myself. I'm good enough as I am.
It took a while to feel that.
Find your drive and ambition. I don't mean work necessarily. Be the best you can be! a new interest/ hobby works wonders.
You will get there. Baby steps.
Its often quoted on here the best revenge is to live well
You are entitled to mourn and rage (not to him) but plan the better you and put steps in place to start living as it.

[paxtecum]

Stay strong. Buy a teddy to cuddle. The teddy will make you smile, he will look funny sitting up in your bed in the day.

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

Thank you.
That's what I'm trying to do with the best form of revenge been not to crumble. To be fake happy and be fake strong keep thinking one day it won't be fake.
I just feel that he's come out of it easier. He dosnt have to do any house work, look after the kids. Can go out when he likes. Then the other side if me says I have it better for all of those reasons. I have the children and the house.
It's just so up and down isn't it.

[Ledkr]

I agree about feeling like that earky on.
HOWEVER you will quickly learn to sleep like a star fish and love having your own room.
I bought new white bed linen and painted the walls hot pink, put fairy lights up and treated myself to a new telly.
My room became my domain and an escape from reality.

[IthoughtATMwasacashpoint]

Perhaps you could change the locks so that he can't just walk in and out as he pleases.