Husband had an affair - should I request an STD check or AIBU?

[Vacill]

Was just the one lady - who he met OLD.

Yes he should have testing for STIs.
And so should you.
He's not just slept with her, as the saying goes, he's slept with all her ex-partners as well.
Who knows what she might have.

What's happening with your relationship?
Are you OK and getting some support?

I agree with the above.

Of course YANBU. And if he gets arsey about then then he's the one BU.

He's lucky you forgave him.

hello, im sorry, but yes I think he should

It's a complete no brainer Op.

The answer is yes.

Both YOU and HE should attend a GUM clinic.

Do you need to talk about anything else?

Do you want to forgive and move on? If so, perhaps counselling will help.

Another in the "definitely yes" camp - but also to add that there's absolutely nothing to be nervous about over an STI check; the staff in these places are fantastic and apart from a load of embarrassing questions the rest of it is no worse than a smear test / ordinary blood test

As you'll have gathered I've been in your position, and I've learned that if there's been one OW there could well have been others. Forgive me if I'm completely off the mark, but it's just something to ear in mind ...

I agree, you should both go.

Thanks all. What is in my head that I think that asking him to do this is vindictive and unreasonable. Yes stupidly I will need one as well. I am OK, thanks for asking - have a lot of support on here (diff name). Do I have to go via GP (family friend) or can we do this another more discreet way?

You think you're being vindictive and unreasonable????? What about what he did?

GUM clinic. Usually have drop in times. Go together. Proves he's done it and will shame the little twatbag at the same time.

Ring local gum clinic. You don't need to go via GP unless you wish that. You both need to go asap.

If you feel it's necessary then yes. I'd be ending the relationship if I felt this was necessary.

Vindictive

Why on earth is taking care of your health vindictive.

I'm a bit odd though. I do a full screen for every new relationship....not risking my life or health for a quick bang.

Well, obviously you should both have them - and I bloody well hope you're not doing the "pick me dance" and sleeping him now to "keep" him, until the results are back?

As for whether it is being vindictive to insist, you know that your total fucking arsehole and a cheating lying betraying dick head of a "husband" would anyway deserve anything vindictive your through at him, yes?

Use this site to gain an idea about what will be tested for; how it will happen etc. DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED.

www.nhs.uk/livewell/stis/pages/visitingansticlinic.aspx

You can also use it to search for the nearest GUM clinic to your location.

It never occurred to me that a STI test should be done as it was just the one - until he mentioned that she had her clitoris pierced - dont know why but that made me judgemental and fearful.

Yrnbu go and get checked out. Ideally he should go with you and support you to show how sorry he is and committed to making things better!

If you don't go you will always worry about if everything's ok, plus you can't move on (if that's what your want) until you can put your mind at rest.

If he's not willing to do that then shows very little care and concern for your health.

'Just the one'

Oh Op you need to realise that just one or 150 partners in one night is immaterial where std's are concerned.

Immaterial also is the piercing

How lovely of him to share his experiences with you though

Good luck with the test.

Cabrinha - although I have never heard of this expression before I think I am doing in the "pick me dance"....but also pick our children, pick our home, pick our life, pick our friends, pick our hopes, pick our past, pick our dreams...etc

So. Much. Wrong.
1- you can catch an STI the first and only time you have sex with someone, unless that person is a Virgin. So of course he has put you at risk of an infection, even if he used a condom.
2- expecting him to take responsibility for the health risk he gave you both by cheating isn't vindictive. How coul you have it so wrong?
3- her having piercings makes her zero percent more likely to have an STI. How judgemental.
4- why do you know she has a genital piercing? Why would he tell you that?

Do you have children with this man.

Thing is though even it really was just 1 OW you don't know that she's only ever slept with your DH do you? So you don't know that she is clear, you don't know that DH is clear and you can't be sure that you are clear.

And looking after your health is not vindictive. Telling his Boss about it would be vindictive, but that's not what you are proposing.

Yes, you need to be tested, as does he, and if you prefer not to use your GP then use a walk in clinic. You should find the local one on line/in phone book.

And remember that you didn't do this. So there is no reason for you to be embarrassed about it.

OP - I know you didn't ask this on the thread but what contrition as your DH shown? How did he get caught?

Also did he give a reason why he: -
Created a "hidden" email account.
Searched OLD forums.
Selected a OLD to join.
Joined (and possibly paid) an OLD forum.
Sent and received messages.
Selected a person(s) to have random sex with.
Organised and had sex with selected random person(s).

Yes I have 2 girls, 3 & 5.