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Original poster

Male orgasm.

38 replies

Lilyflower218 · 21/03/2015 23:57

Name change!l Hmm

My dp has just told me he doesn't think he has ever had an orgasm. I assumed when he ejaculated that was him having an orgasm.

We've only ever been together so we're not very experienced. Am I just dumb?

I want us to have a healthy relationship in all areas and I feel like I'm letting him down Blush

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OP posts:
IsabeauMichelle · 22/03/2015 00:01

What does he think an orgasm is? Confused

Original poster
Lilyflower218 · 22/03/2015 00:02

I have no clue? He said it feels exactly the same every time where's mine is different every time.

OP posts:
seaoflove · 22/03/2015 00:02

That's interesting. He's able to ejaculate but doesn't think that's an orgasm?

Original poster
Lilyflower218 · 22/03/2015 00:05

He said he doesn't know if he's ever had an orgasm.

Possibly because mine are intense and long. His aren't.

OP posts:
AmyElliotDunne · 22/03/2015 00:07

That's because he's a man! It's a different thing by all accounts.

seaoflove · 22/03/2015 00:08

Well, you can't necessarily compare male and female orgasms, because they're very different.

Basically, if he's ejaculating, THAT'S his orgasm. There's nothing ambiguous about the male orgasm. I don't understand how he could be questioning this? Has he never masturbated?

Jackw · 22/03/2015 00:12

He's a plonker. When he ejaculates, that's his orgasm. If he's trying to make you feel inadequate or suggesting that your orgasms are better than his then he's a double plonker.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 22/03/2015 00:13

Orgasms seem to be very very different for men and women, though, right? I was talking about this with new lover Blush my orgasms can vary from quick and functional (still pleasant, but just short and to the point!) to mind blowing, minutes on end of not being able to stop myself making a racket, takes me a good while to regain speech type affairs- and at least 20 or so levels in between. Man in question reckons he has about 3 'strengths' of orgasm, but all fairly similar, and never seem to reach the heights of ecstasy that a woman can. And apparently they can ejaculate sometimes but not really feel as good as a 'proper' orgasm. My point being, if he's only comparing yours and his, it's apples and oranges.

Experimentation seems to be the key- not being afraid on explore yourself and each other Grin
Have also been told by several men that orgasm isn't the be all and end all for them- they'd actually rather delay it as much as possible and enjoy all the rest of sex, cos once they come that's it it's over. Works out well for us and our capacity for multiple joy though!

I think it's great that he feels comfortable to discuss this with you though... has he said anything he'd like to try to see if it feels different?

Original poster
Lilyflower218 · 22/03/2015 00:14

Yes he masturbates. He just randomly came out with this about orgasms.
I was shocked to be honest, I thought I was doing something wrong.

OP posts:
VenusRising · 22/03/2015 00:16

There are many things written about the difference in women's orgasims and mens.

Women have longer, more frequent and more intense orgasims than men as there is a whole world of difference in anatomy!!

Your dp sounds very ignorant innocent about things.

He's quite right to be jealous of yours.

Twinklestein · 22/03/2015 00:16

Did ya both do biology at school?

Men do get the short straw on the orgasm front...

VenusRising · 22/03/2015 00:18

orgasm
Was writing about organisms earlier!

glittertits · 22/03/2015 00:25

What an idiot.

His orgasms are supposed to feel the same every time... you know, the feeling of short lived pleasure combined with ejaculation.

THAT IS A MALE ORGASM.

Of course yours are different. Of course!!

I'm geniunely, genuinely shocked here. Shock

HootOnTheBeach · 22/03/2015 00:30

Funnily enough men can ejaculate without having an orgasm.

I think he needs to stop masturbating for a bit and watching porn etc. Abstain from sex for a few days as well, then have a go. If he still doesn't think he's having an orgasm then maybe it's worth going to a doctor and investigating further!

AmyElliotDunne · 22/03/2015 00:30

You can probably improve his experience by stringing it out a bit, building it up before he gets his orgasm. I think a lot depends on how he feels, when he last had one etc, so it may be slightly better sometimes than others, but nothing in the same league as the multiples that women can have.

My DP will rank his in the top 10/100/500 etc (all me!) and there are very subtle differences that can make it mind blowing, often I don't even know what I'd've done differently.

Similarly mine are like OneDay, varied between 'mm nice' and noisy, out of control, incapable of speech type affairs. I've never known DP to lose control, he just laughs and falls asleep!

Tobyjugg · 22/03/2015 02:27

Hoots I agree with you. It is perfectly possible for a man to ejaculate without having an orgasm (by which I mean a pleasurable rush to the brain). It is a purely mechanical reaction to sufficient stimulation.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/03/2015 08:36

some posters really need to read up on male biology.

"Hoot" and "Toby" are correct.

Wackadoodle · 22/03/2015 08:52

Men do get the short straw on the orgasm front...

Yes and no. On the other hand it's usually a lot easier for us to get there.

Kind of like the difference between having a Lidl on your doorstep or a Waitrose two bus rides away.

Charley50 · 22/03/2015 08:55

Wackadoodle Grin

Member302299 · 22/03/2015 09:03

Kind of like the difference between having a Lidl on your doorstep or a Waitrose two bus rides away.
what a brilliant analogy

MaMaof04 · 22/03/2015 09:05

My HH (Horrid Husband) had an affair whilst he was away from home for a long time and I could not join him. He said to me that sex with her is not comparable at all to sex with me (not that I asked him that one!) . He said that sex is always pleasurable, however with me it is (was- as I do not feel like I want yet to have sex with him, almost 7 months after disclosure day) special- deeper and long lasting pleasure well after ejaculation.
In fact at the start of our relationship - a long time ago- we spoke about men and sex. He did speak about the 'anatomical pleasure (called in some post above the mechanical pleasure')' versus the higher pleasure.

Someone up here suggested a period of abstinence to enhance male pleasure - so that might explain why he enjoyed relatively 'a lot' sex with her at the start, even if he was not that attracted to her and even if after a while he felt a bit 'deflated' (I repeat what he said).
Anyway OP you are OK. He might be the one that has to try and improve your intimate relationship. Maybe he is not yet able to relax and give a bit of himself in this relationship- he might be too fixated on 'anatomical' pleasure (comparing his to yours) to appreciate the deepest pleasure that men can apparently feel when they are willing to 'die a bit' in the arms of their lover.

BifsWif · 22/03/2015 09:16

Actually no, ejactulation and orgasm aren't the same thing.

seaoflove · 22/03/2015 09:20

some posters really need to read up on male biology.

As true as that may be, do you really think the OP's partner has never had an orgasm in his life, as he has suggested? Men may be able to ejaculate without orgasm, but it is FAR FAR more likely that he is having orgasms but thinks they aren't orgasms, because he's (naively) comparing them to his girlfriend's.

gatewalker · 22/03/2015 09:23

A man can ejaculate without orgasm.

demystified · 22/03/2015 09:27

Ejaculate and orgasm are almost always the same thing for a man.

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