Would you call this sexless marriage? (TMI)

[howcanisayit]

Had to change my name for obvious reasons. This is really embarrassing, but I can't discuss this in real life. Would you call a marriage sexless if it involved oral sex 2-3 times a week, but no PIV? I just realised we did not have a PIV sex for over a year.

He got a separate bank account and transfers money to my account every month. I am not sure what he would do if I insisted to see his accounts. I don't like arguments so usually just let it go. DH is British (English) and I am from another EU country. We usually get on well, he is not that bad really.

Yes, you could probably put it that way, but I don't feel oppressed on a daily basis. It's more like he makes all financial decisions and now sexual too. I just want to understand what's going through his head and why he had decided to stop any actual PIV.

I think he figures if you orgasm his job is done.
Is there kissing first ?
Is it done on a loving way ? It is a very intimate act.

I think his ego is dented, if you want him in you can you stop him once you're aroused and finish on him??
Have you tried to throw the leg over?

I am also a little jealous , we have fallen into a roll on roll off pattern

Erm, without getting too graphic, he always insists that I do it first to him, so there is nothing to "throw my leg over" so to speak. He is kissing and cuddling a lot, even when we just watching TV, or if we walk down the street he can stop me and kiss me and tell me how much he loves me. That's why it is so confusing!

I also thought that I can't force a sexual act on him if he said he does not want to do it, I think I would not like him to try and do something if I told him I don't want it any more.

Could you ask if Sat night could be shag night .
He seem to respond to your needs if you make requests.

" he always insists that I do it first to him,"

He insists?

Does he reciprocate every time?

Why don't you just say you fancy some PIV for a change?

BTW I wouldn't call your relationship sexless - far from it in fact!

He does reciprocate every single time. But he absolutely refuses to consider PIV. Every time I mention it he says there is no point, you don't like it anyway. I tried to explain that I enjoy it very much, he says he does not believe me.

But it feels more like an excuse to avoid it, I have a feeling he just uses it as an excuse, he just does not want to do it for some reason.

Again - why is his opinion about what you like more important than yours?

Would you sometimes like to go first with the oral sex, OP?

Yonic, he was always like that. He is quite dominant in bed.

He is sort of likes the routine to be the same way, tells me to stop talking and enjoy/stop spoiling the mood etc. I just go with it.

You sound very controlled, op

is that ok with you ?

He is telling you that you are wrong about your own sexual preferences.

He is telling you to do sex his way or no way.

You are going along with it. That doesn't sound joyous, or loving, or fun.

Do you feel ok afterwards?

I am not particularly happy about it but I hate arguments and sometimes just shut up to keep the peace. But as I said most of the time we are OK really, maybe I am expecting too much ...

You are not ok, and neither is your relationship

It looks like you have hurt his ego and he is punishing you. He couldn't make you come through PIV and for some men it is very humiliating. Not for mine though.

I think that's the most obvious explanation! Surprised I could not see it myself.

Seriously, opt? It's pretty well known that lots of, maybe even the majority of, women don't come through PIV unless they have extra clitoral stimulation. It's not an ego thing. Just nerve endings.

OP, stop. One person on this thread has said something in support of your H and that is what you are seizing on?