Immature text games you find yourself playing with new boyfriends (light-hearted)

[SilentTreatment]

Background: I've been casually dating a bloke for about 2 months: see him once per week, agreed we won't see other people, etc.

Sometimes our texting interactions make me feel as though I'm back in teenhood. 2 examples:

1. Most of the time I abide by the '10minute rule' whereby a minimum of 10mins must pass before I can reply to his text. He does the same. If I leave it longer, say 20 minutes, he'll leave roughly the same gap.

1. Habitually we'll exchange numerous texts per day, then suddenly he'll go silent for a few days. In this situation, I abide by 'the tennis rule' and never text twice. Then, when he eventually texts, I dish the silent treatment back to him for the same or longer period to show that 'two can play that game'. This happens every fortnight or so.

It's fucking stupid and exhausting. We're in our 30s! This setup was initiated by him, so rather than seem over-keen I have to go along with this game-playing.

Anyone else found themselves caught in similar shenanigans? I am currently caught in a game of chicken whereby texts have not been exchanged since Sunday but IT'S HIS TURN DAMMIT!

I like him, and (I think) he likes me. So I'm not going to LTB

I think you need to get out more

You are way overthinking this. Are you sure he actually has any idea what is going on? Most blokes (in fact, most adults) just reply as and when they can be bothered rather than sticking to a set of rules.

Why are you doing this at all, what are you getting out of this daft game playing that he initiated?.

Do you actually talk on the phone rather than just text each other? Text is a really lazy way of non communication. Time to move swiftly on I think unless you want to be playing such mindgames for the whole duration of this "relationship".

Why are you going along with this ?

I suggest you find that mind of your own...

Shona oh I get out - but I take my phone with me.

Tickled he deffo is aware. This has been going on for the whole 2 months. It's too concise a pattern to be coincidental.

I wonder, is this common masculine behaviour? My female friend complains of the same behaviour coming from men.

I don't think I could be arsed with all that, even if it was a new exciting bloke.

What do you mean it was set up by him?

And where are all these rules coming from?

If I was having to play silly games like this 2 months in, and especially as you're exclusive, I'd have two serious questions.

The first being whether we actually liked each other very much.
The second being if there's game playing like this now, at 2 months, what would it be like 5 years from now.

"Is this common masculine behaviour?" Well I can't speak for all men, and women do this too, but in my own experience the men who did behave this way were never playing it cool they actually weren't very interested.

Bifauxnen I picked up these 'rules' from his consistent behaviour. I assume it is not normal behaviour? It feels quite childish and (without sounding too dramatic) cruel.

Gin I do wonder about his 'interest' from time to time. How would you recommend I broach the topic without sounding like Glen Close?

It is childish but why do you respond in the same way?
why not just tell him to grow up or ship out

I think both you and your friend need to find some different types of men to date. Both of you certainly need to raise your relationship bar a lot higher. If this is such hard work two months in then there's no future in this really. You're just being messed around.

Of course this is not normal behaviour. It feels quite childish and cruel actually because it is.

why not just tell him to grow up or ship out

I'd love to. How would you word that?

No it's not normal behaviour. Find someone who's not a childish dickhead.

Last time I had a boyfriend,no one had mobile phones.

For goodness sake,just stop it. Tell him its boring you now.
And if he doesn't like it,fuck him off.

How to word it ?

"I can't be arsed playing childish games. See ya"

I love you AnyFucker :)

Seriously though, can you help me to word a dignified text? My priority is to draw this game-playing to a close, and if that means closing the relationship, so be it. I should at least give him the benefit of the doubt and communicate my discontent before I pull the plug, no?

You'd be better off phoning him and better still talking face to face.

If you want a serious adult discussion to draw the game-playing to a close then FGS do it person or at minimum voice call. Text isn't a great medium for serious conversations. When are you next seeing each other. Wait until then.

Thing is if you mention the 'games' he is likely to not understand what you mean. Men don't play 'text games'. Either they want to talk to you or they don't.

They don't analyse stuff to death. Just reply or text when you want.

Are you afraid to seem more keen than him? If so, ask yourself why.

creep

Agree Bifauxnen... OP you can't keep txting talk to him properly one way or the other, just tell him how it is

Some men do play games, if the op has noticed a pattern it's quite possible he's following TheRedPill or other such nonsense.

It's possible that he's following some kind of "Get more sex" plan, if it's that particular.

It's also possible that he texts you when it suits him, and that has fallen into a pattern because his regular life is a pattern.

It's very unlikely that he's seeing this as a game, though. In my experience, men don't play text games. They just text you when they think of you/want to talk to you/are interested.

I'd take his weird text habits to mean that he's actually not very interested, and he's doing the bare minimum to keep you on the hook until he finds someone who piques his interest more. It might not be conscious, but it's likely that is the case.

BobbiTheCynicalPanda (fitting name) face-to-face is good advice.

niceupthedance More keen, indeed. I'm wondering whether to just blow him off via text. Does he even deserve face-to-face at all?

Bifauxnen I'd never heard of TheRedPill until now. Fuck that shit. Incredible. How did you discover it?

I thought you meant something like this lol.

His texting habits seem kinda weird.. No offence OP, but how do you think he'd react to you calling him your boyfriend?