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Original poster

sooo confused! is he messing me around or am I asking too much?!

57 replies

olympicsbaby · 16/03/2015 18:04

Ok 2 weeks ago I met a guy offline... First date was a drink in a pub, he then suggested lunch, then a drink then coffee then as said bye he said he had a great time and would love to meet again. I txt him later that say to thank him and again he said we should do it again. I agreed. Then silence for two days so I txt him, short chat and I asked if he wanted to meet again. He agrees. Date number two was 4 days later and the same as first date! A long date with lots of chatting and him saying at the end he would love to do it again.

Again I had nothing more for two days so I txt him first and we agrees on a third date. Unfortunately it was a busy bar, awkward and ran out of things to say! Nevertheless he invited me to his for coffee, had our first kiss then he tried to get me into bed!! It was v late and I did stat but no actual sex!!

Again, after this date 2 days would pass and no contact. Every 2 days he'd txt to say hi but not much more.

Yesterday a week since our last date he txt small talk! No mention of another date so I asked him... I mentioned he seemed v.busy as I don't gear from him much/i usually initiate contact after 2 days not gearing from him. His reply was he's been quiet as v busy work and he thought he rushed things last Fri (which was true!) he then said he does like me and does want to see me again but doesn't feel like doing anything atm!! He then asked if I'm free this Fri. I said yes so meeting this Fri.

I've not had any tcts/calls since sat so 48 hours...i know its v early days and I wouldn't want constant txting but to go two days and no Hiya txt really makes him seem uninterested?!

I know he works long hours and don't think hes dating others altho he does log onto Pof daily!!

Should I forget him given his lack of enthusiasm?! I'm just confused as on the dates he seemed very keen!

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 16/03/2015 18:09

Sounds like he's not that interested... sorry.

cleanmyhouse · 16/03/2015 18:11

I'd be inclined to leave the contat to him for a while and see how he responds. It can be a horrible feeling being the person who initiates contact every time, it leaves you wondering whether they'd make the effort if you didn't.

Leave the ball in his court and get on with your own things.

tribpot · 16/03/2015 18:24

So you're meeting this Friday? He may not feel there's much to say in between now and then - some people are like that (not just men, my best friend's girlfriend is the same).

I certainly wouldn't initiate contact with him, though - you've done plenty of the running already.

Make sure it's clear sex is off the menu this Friday - I'd want more evidence of his keenness before revisiting that.

Nomama · 16/03/2015 19:33

Makes me glad I was young before instant communication was invented.

If a bf didn't make arrangements when he said goodbye you had to wait to bump into him again before anything else could happen.

When DH and I met neither of us had any phone (before mobiles) and neither of us had a truly fixed abode (bedsits and friends). We just sort of bumped into each other on Friday night and that was it.

So all that angst about no contact for a couple of days makes me smile. We had to go for at least 5 days, sometimes 2 weeks without contact.

But seeing as you do have that phone, stop using it. Let him do the running for a while. And if he doesn't, well, you saved yourself investing in a muppet!

springydaffs · 16/03/2015 20:01

The trying to get you into bed thing, well, that doesn't sound so good. Sounds a bit booty tbh Sad

As for repeatedly contacting him after two days - girl, make the man work a bit to get the prize! We may be equal but there is no question we are different: men like the chase or they won't value what they get.

imho

pictish · 16/03/2015 20:04

I wouldn't send hiya texts. I wouldn't expect them either. I'd think stop texting me for no reason.

You're meeting him on Friday, so that's cool.

championnibbler · 16/03/2015 20:05

nah - he's not interested.
but you know that already as you've read all the signs.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/03/2015 20:07

I'd let him make the contact. It could just be that he's not wanting an exclusive relationship, with you or anyone else. Nothing wrong with that.

As it is, I'd say you were 'dating' in the sense that you go out occasionally. You aren't 'going together'. You're feel to see other people, so is he. And if I were you, I'd do that.

It seems to me that so many people (including my sons and their friends) seem to not be able to 'date'. That any time they go out with someone it's either a total 'no go' or it has to turn into a 'relationship'. Just enjoy the time you spend with him, don't expect anything. And do meet other guys.

pictish · 16/03/2015 20:09

Yes...do continue to meet other guys.

MiniTheMinx · 16/03/2015 21:37

I think you are expecting too much contact after a few dates and especially after date 1 and 2.

I also think online dating and text/email lazy communication combine with 24 hour opening, instant entertainment and need to consume, to create a culture of quick fixes, shopping frenzy, too many choices, one hit wonders and expectation of having every need met NOW. We text...we expect instant feedback, in the same way we expect google and amazon to deliver the goods.

Just calm down!

LadyBlaBlah · 16/03/2015 21:44

I actually don't think YOU like him that much either. You don't say anything positive about him. It just seems quite a functional path you feel dating should take.

jellymaker · 16/03/2015 21:53

Agree that men want to do the chasing. I so wish that I had got that when I was dating. Leave off texting and let him do the running. The more you text, the less keen he will be.

NeedABumChange · 16/03/2015 22:42

My bf never did the daily texting to chat about nothing thing. I found it very odd and spent a decent part of the start our relationship quite upset at it. But it's just him he doesn't text or call anyone for a chat and if we hadn't spoken in a week he would be genuinely confused as to why I was upset with him. From his pov we left things on a great note, made plans and so we should be fine when we next see each other.

Maybe this guy is like my guy.

Original poster
olympicsbaby · 17/03/2015 17:58

Thanks for your msgs everyone! I've not contacted him! Been three days now and not has any messages from him and I've not contacted him!! It will all feel quite strange seeing him Fri with no contact inbetween! But hey ho!!

OP posts:
BolshierAyraStark · 17/03/2015 18:02

DH only texts if he has something to actually say, small talk isn't his thing, maybe he's like that.

Original poster
olympicsbaby · 17/03/2015 18:05

Yep i think you're right as even when he contacted me online and swapped numbers to arrange a date there was no contact from him between txting setting up the first date and actually meeting!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 17/03/2015 18:10

If he wasn't at all interested why would he meet up with you on Friday. He's a bit interested otherwise he'd say he was busy. A lot of men don't do small talk IMHO.

Original poster
olympicsbaby · 17/03/2015 18:15

True! Hoping its not because i said he doesn't seem bothered about meeting again! (a week and no mention of a second date, a bit of small talk, so I decided to say "you've been quiet" he said he'd been busy with work, I said I just got the impression he wasn't bothered snout meeting again and he said "you're right, I've been quiet, it due to work and cos I thought I rushed things last week with you, I do like you and would like to see u again, are you free Friday?" Lol! I need to chill but I really like him!

OP posts:
lilaloves · 19/03/2015 12:52

Meet him on Friday,Do not text him,let him chase you,It's the only way to see how keen he really is,don't make it too easy,be busy yourself,dont text him back straight away,play a bit hard to get,do the exact opposite of everything you have been doing so far!
It's not game playing,it's just holding back a bit until you know if he is genuine or not.Don't sleep with him yet.
Saves a lot of hurt if he isn't that keen.Honestly try this,it always works.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/03/2015 14:59

OP, here's my advice; just have fun on Friday. Meet him, enjoy his company, talk and get to know him a little better. But I'd keep things simple & casual. Don't sleep with him, don't get too physically intimate. Some snogging's fine. Especially since he says he feels he 'rushed things' last week. As lila says, it's not about 'game playing', it's about getting to know someone without the confusion or 'possessiveness' that sex can bring into a relationship.

And keep your options open. Don't assume there's anything 'exclusive' going on. Both of you are free to see other people until it's said otherwise. Assume he is and you won't be hurt.

Jan45 · 19/03/2015 15:51

I wouldn't say he wasn't interested but stop making the first move all the time - you're making yourself look a bit desperate, so what if he doesn't text for days - you hardly know each other, I hate all this constant texting, just causes confusion and misinterpretation.

Ouchbloodyouch · 20/03/2015 18:17

Are you still meeting up?

Pinkballoon · 20/03/2015 20:15

I'd say this could be a few things:

  1. He's not overly interested and is seeing other women.
or
  1. He's already committed (married/ living together) and keeps his phone at work/ boot of car/ anywhere else, and checks it every couple of days???
or
  1. He doesn't see the need to keep in constant contact in-between dates. TBH, I wouldn't. Once a date is made, I would leave it at that and not feel the need to be in contact in the meantime.

For some reason, I feel its either 1 or 2. But I may be wrong!

lovespuds · 20/03/2015 20:23

But confused about how much you like him, though. You said that you ran out of things to say on your second date. That would really disappoint me! Surely when things look set to turn into a relationship, or even when there is chemistry, you are full of things to say to each other?

AcrossthePond55 · 20/03/2015 23:06

Hey, good luck tonight (probably too late for wishes, but it's late afternoon here, so……).

Hope all goes/went well. Give us an update, if you feel like it!

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