Just need to get this out - possible triggers

[justneedtogetthisout]

Old member & NC for this, sorry if TMI but need to get this out & have no one I can tell and I need a second opinion sorry if scrambled

Last night I was out with friends and got VERY drunk and we shared a cab home. After dropping my friend off the cab driver took me back to his instead of taking me home and I don't know for certain what happened as I was so drunk & I've maybe blanked out some parts of what potentially was about an hour all together (friend said I dropped her around 2.15 but she was drunk too so could be wrong but can't over question & draw attention, DH says I woke him around 4 clattering about, again can't over question).

Obviously I'm petrified what could have happened, but I'm reasonably sure he didn't rape me (because logically - you'll know what I mean when you say you can physically feel you've had sex? & because I am on my period and the tampon was still in). But just before he took me home he gave me my pants & tights to put in my bag

I've had no flashbacks to anything sexual happening though, I remember lots of bits (even asking if we had sex to which he said no) but nothing at all like that but don't recall or understand why my pants were off - unless he went to start & saw I was on, or I passed out briefly & he stopped? This is hard to say to be understood - the memories don't feel 'wrong' like he wanted to take it. And as well as the logic above, potentially there was only a smallish time in which it could have even happened? I feel so upset & confused & obviously have no one to talk to and I'm wondering if you think my thoughts sound right?

Oh OP I'm so sorry.
You say you were drunk not drugged. If he gave you a drink then could he not have drugged you at this point? If you don't remember underwear/tights coming off.
Have you showered since? How long does it take for drugs to leave your system?
Please go to the police, if you can build up the courage. They may be able to find out what happened via DNA/blood tests etc. This bastard could then be prosecuted.
You've done nothing wrong.

Even if the op had got naked on the back seat and said 'fuck me big boy' he would still have committed a crime if he 'had sex' with her because she was too drunk to consent.
If a taxi driver, who is sober, feels his wasted fare is giving off signals that she wants sex the absolute only correct course of action for him is to take her to where she has asked to go and not have sex with her.

Of course we don't know whether this occurred and we certainly don't know what the op did or didn't say to him because she was too drunk to remember therefore by definition if he did have sexual contact with her it was without consent.

Please go to the police or in the very least contact rape crisis.

It sounds very odd and it is not your fault.

Please do not take part of a sentence and miss out relevant words to suit your point AT.... I was making the point that IF taxi driver said that ... not that just went willingly. I have also already said he was in the wrong no matter what... but I know how his defenders ...if it comes to that .. will operate so it's important that just can try and remember all she can if she wants to report him for as much as needed ...not just taking not her to her destination.

just said she wanted help to fill in the gaps not just empathy. .... what she said or did not say and remember is totally relevant to further the difference between reporting him for taking her against her to his house not home and attempted .. or actual... rape.

I have been there.... sitting in a police station... trying to recall enough details. I remembered far more than just and still nothing could be done. It's not the event when I was drunk.. I was far too young for that.

I am not blaming just for the taxi drivers actions but I don't think that we can ignore that she says that she was too drunk to remember what happened. When we are drunk we do and say things we would not normally do ... or don't realise what is happening as soon as we do when we are sober. That is not inferring just in any way shape or form invited, consented or otherwise intimated sexual activity of any kind or agreed to go to his house... but that maybe, just maybe, she did not realise till she was out the cab that she was at the wrong house for example. Thats not blaming her for what happened but might explain any allegation she did not tell him to take her straight home not to his house. Cabby still.in the wrong of course whether he knew she was too drunk.

I got to go to work.

I hope you reach a resolution just but it's gonna be hard whatever you decide.

I was making the point that IF taxi driver said that

It does not matter what the taxi driver said or didn't say. He was there to do a job, and that was to take the OP home. To her home.

Even if he wasn't doing a job, and had given her a lift home - without pay - it is still abduction.

X posted with many. I am not a rape apologist just a realist in that if someone cannot remember what was said or done and no evidence of rape it's damp hard to prove. Just says she was very drunk but did she appear so to to others ?

I don't know and neither do any of us...

Maybe... just maybe ... when they got upstairs he did realise she was too drunk.to consent and stopped therefore he gave her back her underwear. That's not being a rape apologist it's offering a possible explanation that not only turns the cabby from a rapist to a bloody stupid man that tried it on and should be reported as such, It might mean just does not need to spend the rest of her life worried about potential pictures., stds etc or the horror of being raped.

OP, I really hope you are ok.

Whatever did or did not happen I am almost 100% certain that black taxi drivers have very strict rules and regulations around propriety and that this man has broken the lot.

I'm guessing he was a chancer who took you back, gave you more drink and then bottled out of actually raping you. The Police would be very interested indeed as clearly other women will be at risk and yes,mit does sound like abduction (though that would be your word against his). He would be investigated, though and very likely have his cab license revoked which would be a good thing for womankind and for you perhaps in terms of being believed? Do you remember anything at all about the inside of his house? Having memory of the cab number is good.

It's sad you feel unable to talk to your DH, perhaps try chatting with rape crisis or calling 101 for a chat would settle your mind about how you,mthe victim in this would be treated?

Big hugs.

Tazzle, your posts are trying to be in support of OP but you're making too many excuses for the taxi driver. I'm genuinely concerned that your views could make the OP or someone else in a similar position of assault to think that somehow they've done something wrong. Please consider what you're saying.

OP, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. You don't have to have been raped to have been assaulted. Please talk to rape crisis and consider speaking to the police and your DH. I'm so sorry that you weren't believed all those years ago, you sound a very strong and logical woman and I wish you all the best

Tazzle if the poster was your daughter would you still say the same things?

Op I'm sorry this has happened to you.

It was not your fault in any way, the taxi driver needs reporting, to his company and the police, though I understand your reluctance.
can you talk to the friend you were out with, they might be able to help with information and support you reporting him.

This guy clearly has confidence in what he did, I'm guessing it wasn't the first time he's done it.

Be gentle with yourself, you must still be in shock.

Even if OP asked him to take her to his house, he should have said no. Therefore his motives automatically look very dubious. It doesn't matter if she 'gave him the wrong impression'. It's totally inappropriate for him to have taken her back, and probably illegal.

Hope you're ok OP.

tazzle you mentioned that if you were not being of any use, or causing upset that you would leave the thread. You have been repeatedly asked to stop trying to justify/explain the point of view that you have put forward, but you keep returning to do exactly that.

The point you made is not relevant to this situation, neither is it helpful. It is actually a damaging view, which causes confusion and speculation. The bottom line is that the OP has every cause to go to the police, if she chooses to do so, and it is for the police to then do their job and try to fill in any gaps, if they deem that necessary. But really, the gaps are irrelevant. She was too intoxicated to give consent for anything, so him doing anything other than taking her home immediately is wrong.

You saying that "she may have given consent in her drunken state" and therefore implying that the cab driver didn't necessarily commit a crime (or that the police may decide there is nothing to pursue), is like saying that it might be overlooked if a nurse had sex while caring for a patient with dementia, just becase the patient may have asked for sex or 'consented' at some point amidst the delusion/confusion that dementia patients experience.

It is a crime A nurse taking advantage in that situation would be criminally charged, and what the cab driver did is no different. He had a job to do, as well as a duty of care as others pointed out, and instead of doing his job, he abducted her and removed her clothing. End of discussion. This is a criminal matter.

Please let this be the last time you are asked to back off from this thread tazzle. You made your point (and I'm sure you did so trying to be helpful) but it is not relevant at all.

justneedtogetthisout I'm sorry for what you went through, it's very upsetting and it should not have happened. This is something that should be reported, for all the reasons others have already covered...if you feel that you can. You did not deserve what happened and if you tell your DH I hope that he will be supportive of you, as he should be

hi OP I couldnt read this and run....I sincerly hope your ok ( daft thing to say I know ) and u are strong enough to ignore some of the mindless comments on this thread of maybe u said/acted like this or this to give him the wrong impression! all of this is complete crap!!!!
that taxi driver was in a verbal contract with u to take you home! even if you had been so drunk you couldnt remember where u lived ( I'm not implying u were ) he had just dropped your friend off hadnt he he could have took you back there, to a police station or a hospital
even IF you had been begging him to take you to his( which you clearly weren't ) he should have never done this in a million years!
he took advantage of the situation in some way or another that we do know for sure by purely taking you to his instead of yours...you could report him for this much alone if you wanted to but that of course is up to u...the police will do the leg work trying to fill in the blanks.....
was it a taxi you phoned to book or just jumped in parked up in the town?
you remembering even part of the badge number and the drivers description should be enough for taxi company/council to narrow down which one of thier employees took you home
plus arent these taxis tracked now? he would have either had to have finished his shift or someone somewhere knows he went off radar for a period of time not taking other fares
you really do have enough information here to make a report of thats what you want to do please dont worry about the lack of detail the details you know are an offence in themselves
and people cannot legally give thier consent to anything sexual while intoxicated so if he did do/try anything it would still be non consensual
I hope you can find someone you trust to talk to in RL about this too I imagine keeping this secret must be unbearable

Hope you're okay OP. I hope you've got someone in RL who you can confide in and give you a RL hug. X

Please report him, you might save another woman from being raped/murdered. You remember his number too.

So sorry this happened. I hope you tell your DH too so you dont have to feel alone in all this x

Fugghetaboutit

That's a bloody low way to try and get the OP to report it. What she needs is help and support, not some anonymous stranger on the internet implying that it will be her fault if he does on to commit further crimes.

Shame on you.

not really. No one had mentioned that reporting him could save someone else from getting attacked. I'm really sorry for what happened to op but she should really report him, even if she doesn't want to press charges or anything. He needs to be known to police as he sounds dangerous.

OP- I really don't want to upset you, but just because you still had your tampon in does not mean there was no sex. I once forgot I had a tampon in and had sex with my ex. It was still possible, just uncomfortable (for me). If you were that drunk, I doubt you would have noticed any discomfort from having a tampon in.
I'm sorry, I really think you should report this.

But the priority here is her recovery, not the potential for a non-existent crime which hasn't taken place on a non-existent woman

And you trying to emotionally blackmail her in to doing it is not helpful

Totally agree theblackrider

Sorry to hear about your own case, I hope that it ends as positively as is possible for you