Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Yet another sex thread....

65 replies

Embarrassedwife · 11/03/2015 21:18

I'm a frequent poster on MN hence the name change for this one Smile

Me and DH are in our mid/late 20s (vagueness for privacy) and have been married for several years.

Sex is generally good when it occurs but id like to have it more than we do. Any tips for broaching this with him? Am too embarrassed to come out and say it.

Also he's never ever performed oral sex on me despite me doing it to him, I've never had it in my life (he was my first everything and he never had a gf / relationship before me either). Would it be rude to ask him to do this for me? Again, how to ask him to.....

God I sound like a teenage pervert or a troll.....I promise I'm a regular poster x

OP posts:
CarnivalBearSetFree · 12/03/2015 10:14

You've been together for several years and you're married! You should be able to talk to him about anything.

It might be that he doesn't know what he's doing and he's embarrassed regarding the oral sex thing if you were each other's firsts.

Maybe you could get flirty and tell him what you want to do to him and what you want him to do to you and slip it in there? It wouldn't be rude to ask him to, I've told my boyfriend before and since then he's been very obliging.

It doesn't sound like you're very comfortable with each other when it comes to sex. Have you always had mismatched libidos? What did you do about it before or did you just leave it because you were too embarrassed? Who instigates it, if it's always him maybe he thinks you're not bothered and that's why you don't do it as much

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/03/2015 10:31

I agree with the PP that you both have to drop your inhibitions. You're married, you're adults and there is no place for embarrassment or shyness. It's not 'rude' to discuss your sexual likes and dislikes with your life-partner, it's normal and essential.

If neither of you have any idea where to start, you probably need some information and inspiration. How about getting hold of whatever the modern equivalent of 'The Joy of Sex' is? Or... if it's really bad and you really can't talk about it... seeing a therapist?

pocketsaviour · 12/03/2015 10:44

"Am too embarrassed to come out and say it."

Use your words. If you don't ask for what you want, you'll never get it.

How often do you initiate?

SensationalGirl · 12/03/2015 14:29

If you want it you're going to have to ask for it.

After giving him oral you could say "did you like that? I'd love you to try it on me"

Initiate sex via none face to face methods like text messages.

whomovedmychocolate · 12/03/2015 14:32

Could you try writing down what you'd like him to do and showing it to him? Some people find it easier to broach a subject that way.

Otherwise, just talk to him! He's a bloke, he wants to be desired. Show him you want him more.

Witchofthenorth · 12/03/2015 14:36

There is nothing to be embarrassed about when talking to your husband.

I've never understood how people can share body fluids but then be embarrassed with talking about sex! But that's just me Grin

Anyways...you need to talk so just ask...

"Hey DH, I was thinking maybe we could change things around a little...how do you feel about oral sex? "

There are plenty of books out there to help invigorate couples sex life

Witchofthenorth · 12/03/2015 14:37

Forgot to add...good luck!! Your both missing out in a really good part of lovemaking!

Lweji · 12/03/2015 14:43

Do you initiate it, or do you wait for him?

Granville72 · 12/03/2015 14:48

Is he confident / attentive with sex in general - touches you down there, kisses other parts of your body?

Maybe never having done oral he's a bit worried he'll do it wrong or may not like it? Maybe it's not even crossed his mind that you'd like it or that he should try and give it a go. Some blokes can be pretty clueless at times and need a nudge and prompt in the right department.

How about buying 'The Joys of Sex' DVD to watch together if you feel too embarrassed to have this conversation with him? You could then say 'I loved to try that' when there are parts on that you'd like to try with him.

Sallyingforth · 12/03/2015 15:13

Gosh, I feel so sorry for you OP. I can't imagine never being attended to orally. You are missing so much.
I think that next time you do it for him you should say it straight out, "Your turn now" and position yourself ready.
Good luck!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/03/2015 15:28

""Your turn now" and position yourself ready."

LOL! Has all the mystical allure of 'brace yourself Barbara!'

Sallyingforth · 12/03/2015 16:37

Yes I know Cogito.
But he is clearly not going to do anything unless it's put literally right under his nose. :)

whomovedmychocolate · 12/03/2015 20:24

LOLs Sallyingforth, what's wrong with 'while you're down there' Grin

Original poster
Embarrassedwife · 12/03/2015 20:37

I usually leave talking about sex as I'm ebarressed, though our sex drives are pretty well matched bar this "issue". It's strange as he will tell me what he wants so talking isn't an issue per say, it's just me feeling uncomfortable though I instigate sex a lot so don't kbow why I'm finding it hard to chat about this.

May have to suggest a 69 or something, might work :-)

OP posts:
paxtecum · 12/03/2015 20:37

Op: does he come when you give him oral?
I'm asking because I don't think he will want to give you oral after he has come.
He needs to do it to you before that.

Original poster
Embarrassedwife · 12/03/2015 20:51

Yes, every time. Then he's so zonked he just wants to sleep

OP posts:
backtowork2015 · 12/03/2015 21:42

I think moving into 69 position is the way forward. is he confident touching you? if you turn round to give him oral but keep a bit of distance between 'yourself' and him, maybe he will manually touch you and things will naturally progress from there, you could edge in slowly just to encourage himWink

Original poster
Embarrassedwife · 12/03/2015 21:50

He's more than happy to touch me intimately with his fingers etc and will even use a bullet vibrator on me.

I was thinking maybe get into the 69 position but touch myself so he can see, that may make him want to "help" haha

My goodness. I feel such a pervert talking like this on an Internet forum haha

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 12/03/2015 22:56

A loving touch with the lips and tongue is so much more intimate than a vibrator - you can do that without him!

Tell him. Just tell him!

Eekaman · 12/03/2015 23:17

Jeez guys, come on!

Get in there, show him, tell him, ask him, order him.... explore each other together. Ask him what he likes, make him tell you, show you.

You are young, you don't have experience of other partners, to fall back on, so you both have the ability to learn and explore together, so go for it. xxx

Original poster
Embarrassedwife · 12/03/2015 23:44

I actually asked him Blush
He said he has wanted to for years but would prefer me to be hair free for this......(I'm not wild and natural. Am trimmed but he wants me bare)

That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make Smile

OP posts:
worrieddadof2 · 12/03/2015 23:44

From a guys angle on things, i would agree. With paxtecum, the first few times you need him to go first.
I used to always "sort my wife out" first, then her on me, but i could see sometimes she wasnt overly enthusiastic. Well when we swapped about, me going second, i realized how after the "event" things arent as appealing and you dont really put in the same effort.
Just for the record, he really doesnt know what he is missing! Thats what you need to tell him.

lovespuds · 12/03/2015 23:54

Just my opinion, but maybe skip the old 69... Find it compromises proper enjoyment! Just take turns.

BastardGoDarkly · 13/03/2015 00:02

Yeah, I've never been a fan of the 69 either.

Well done for speaking up op!

ShonaOCasey · 13/03/2015 00:11

Blimey hair/no hair first or second... what does it matter if you care about each other and want to give pleasure?