DS (15) would like to change his middle name and surname to get rid of his dad's surname ...

[Karenthetoadwhisperer]

DS is now doing some GCSE's and it troubles him that his full name will be on the certificate and on the test papers to include his father's surname in addition to my surname. Both our children have both our surnames, eg. Toad-Toadwhisperer. DS also has his father's first name as a middle name that he also wants eliminated. So he is going to change from having four names to two: His first name and his surname that he is known by, which is my surname.

I can complete the application online and I do not need his father's consent, as he has no parental responsibility and we were not married and are not married now.

My problem is that it is unfair on DD who is 10. When DD was born, her father automatically acquired parental responsibility due to a change in the law. Their father would have to agree to a name change and my children will then have different surnames, however in their German passports they have only my surname anyway, because I was never married to their father. It's complicated.

Their father is on both their birth certificates. They were born in the UK.

When DS is 16, he can change his name himself, of course. I have asked him to wait until he is 16 which is before he will receive his GCSE certificate and he will then have some more time to think about this step. However, he has been decided for over a year that he wishes to change his name and he remains adamant. It really troubles him and I do believe he would be happy if I agreed to do this for him now.

But what if he reconciles with his father?

Shall I go along with DS's decision?

May be I should follow suite and add 'Karen' to my own name as a second middle name .

I know! I guess the actual name changing part is a formality its when you try and then change official documents that the process takes time.. Glad he has it sorted and will have the name he is happy with on his results!

Its not like a tatoo is it? Surely he can always change back if he decides it is a terrible mistake at some point. I would let him get on with it, he will only resent you for making him wait another year.

Absolutely let him change his name. He's thought about it for a year. At that age identity is very important and it's his way of saying who he is (or isn't in this case!).

I have changed my surname 4 times in my life and I'm only 30!!! And only once was through marriage

My 1st high school exams are in my second surname and my second lot of exams a year later I had reverted back to the surname on my birth certificate. It caused no problems whatsoever. I just told the school my new name.

I've never had an issue when changing my name - apart from with my bloody mobile phone company!

I'm back to my birth surname for the 3rd time and I will NOT be changing it again

Brilliant for supporting your son inthis!

I did something similar when I was 29. Dropped my dad's surname, took my mum's middle name as my surname, took the first name of the family member who helped bring me up in my dad's absence as my middle name.

It was one of the best things I ever did. Shed a whole load of old negative emotions, guilt, betrayal etc at one fell swoop. Felt like I was in charge of my identity, my own destiny, not dragged down by the past.

Deed poll is much cheaper than therapy IMHO.

Hi Toad ,

I feel it is disingenuous to spy on me on Mumsnet and then 'innocently' discuss family names, waiting to see whether or not I would 'confess'.

I have done the correct thing. DS's decision is his own private matter and therefore he has the right and the privilege that I should not betray his confidence. It is not up to me to inform you of his decision. It is up to him, should he wish to do this.

Karen

Wow, yet another affirmation - if you needed it - that your son has probably made the right decision :)

Oooooh, please, what thread is it so we can all go there and bash him to a pulp?

Oh, sorry, I thought he had actually posted on here, but now I see that he just mentioned family names to you. Pity. You could suggest that perhaps he could post on AIBU and see what people think...