Dating Thread 89

[Docmartensanddungarees]

Candle light and soul forever
A dream of you and me together
Say you believe it, say you believe it

Free your mind of doubt and danger
Be for real, don't be a stranger
We can achieve it, we can achieve it

Come a little bit closer
Baby, get it on, get it on
'Cause tonight is the night when 2 become 1

Blossom it is not you and you have nothing to feel silly about. OLD brings out the worst ( and probably sometimes the best, for fairness sake) in people. When one is a genuine person oneself it is easy to believe that everyone is above board; he is an idiot but perhaps better to find out now than when you have invested even more emotions and time into him. Here for the handholding and hopefully, tomorrow you will feel slightly better

Blossom I've only been at it for a month and only had one date and going to see him again but in this short time and I have encountered time wasters and weird men. I stupidly though because I'd read these threads that I was savvy but I realise, knowing it's coming doesn't lessen the blow,sadly. I know myself though and I'd give up the old before I became an arsehole too like some of the people on there who mess around and that is mostly men. Sorry Rouix Just remember blossom, it isn't you. If you were married 20yrs and suddenly find out your husbands had countless affairs. Are you an idiot for not spotting it? no, he's a bastard. You can never really know someone which is why you've just got to trust but it's o.k to wollow for a bit.x

really oh lovely post. Will have a proper cry amd sure will feel better tomorrow

lurking I came on the threads to clue myself up too and as much as they give insight nothing does prepare you for all possible scenarios. It is really important to remember it is not us it's them.

Cake and wine. Blossom and a good cry! Take the time to look after yourself and give yourself time to bounce back.

blossom in a few weeks or months you'll be laying in bed with the real Mr Right laughing at that Chump and how you dodged a bullet. It's only temporary

Blossom

Hope your ok today??

Night was ok I spent most of it crying at him , the dog has a tumour.so isn't going to get better. My mums really upset.

Woke up to a sweet note saying love you and bring my dog anytime you want here I know you won't want to be away from her.

jesy Mr post just sounds so lovely and understanding.

blossom how you feeling today?

New

He is I'm lucky I know that. Heading home for a few days , I know ppl will think I'm sad but made him a curry as he missed out as looking after me last night.

Blossom I feel for you. New and others have put it very well. Take a bit of time to 'mourn', wallow if necessary, then onwards and upwards. I found telling people stuff in RL helps if you've got that kind of support as well as on here. And it's not you, it's him. The only thing you (and I) can do to avoid that next time is maybe keep your guard up a bit more, get to know potential dates as friends first for a longer period, sex can generate too much of a sense of emotional connection for us which makes it more difficult to judge whether we're properly compatible with them, might weed out the twats better as well. That's how I'm going to proceed next time, don't know if it'll work out like that. Think a fine balance is needed between cynicism and optimism with OLD to manage it without losing your head. (I mean 'your' in the generic sense, not you personally) Hope you're feeling a teeny bit better this morning. x

Morning

Blossom hope you had a reasonable sleep and are feeling a little better tody.

Jesy sorry about the dog, they are such a worry. My boy is old and has a (fortunately) benign tumour but we have made the decision not to do anything (as difficult as he is) while he is not in pain and the quality of his life isn't compromised. I m so sorry for you and your mum.

Waves to everyone else

Morning all.
Sorry to hear about your dog jesy
walt everything you say makes sense. I will try and hold back next time but I do find that hard. I am feeling deeply sad this morning, had a good cry on the way back from school run, can't really fathom why this has hit me so hard, is so silly.

Arrgh corrections!!
tody = today
as difficult as he is should be "as difficult a decision as it is"

Really

Thank you , vet reluctant to operate in case it spreads.
She's mums dog not mine but we live in same house.

I keep looking at my dog feel guilty for nights I've left her , days I've been to depressed to take her out.

Sorry to waffle

Really Your right with regards to not making you prepared. The thing is if these people who dupe others were obvious then we wouldn't fall for it but they are convincing. Sometimes there is no way to tell until they disappear or whatever. As you say, important to tell yourself there's nothing you can do differently most of the time and don't place blame on yourself.

Jesy Sorry to hear you're upset, you're lucky you have Mr post there for you. Making him a curry is not sad, your lovely

Blossom What about getting back out there on another date, maybe it would make you feel more in control again and be a distraction?

Blossom, it was pretty shitty what he did. Have you considered he may well have a girlfriend/partner? This is something that happened to me. They're all over you, they genuinely like you, then they pull back because they're not actually available.

lurking I am already talking to a few, nobody wow but as you say a distraction

Newto

its interesting that you say you were played as in eye contact during sex etc... as I've had that and futurising too... but I think some men don't realise they're doing this or even what they want - I think they go into it, like us, wanting a relationship and then bottle out.

What I've learned so far is that when a man (or woman) tells you something then listen to it, Kent Lad wasn't keen on more children but I changed his mind then he changed it back. He was also quite happy to see someone during the week and not weekends - eg not see his house.

Blossom you will get over this though. It is hard not to feel played.

The pervy prat who emailed me last night I think was warned or whatever and now back on there... he didn't do cock shots but certainly said stuff. Stuff I wouldn't say. Maybe I should've just blocked and left it.

Blossom That's good. You don't even need to arrange any dates, a bit of chatting is good aswell or even just looking.

Alice I hope you don't take this the wrong way and think I'm rude but I think it's best not to question why as you could think of so many reasons and you're giving it headspace it doesn't deserve.

alice or they don't actually have a wife/gf but aren't over ther ex so arent emotionally available...trying to fill a girlfriend shaped hole but then when they start feeling a connection themselves they get scared of the commitment and move on to the next.just a theory but I think that's what may have happened with Mr E.i don't know if they do it for an ego boost or what (to prove after rejection from their ex that others would still want them) also agree with other poster that dtd makes you like them more as you release oxytocin and makes you overlook things that actually mean they wouldn't be right long term anyway.

jesy so sorry to hear about the dog by the way. Hope you all decide what's best soon.

I think some aren't even aware they're doing it...and lurking I do agree trying to figure out the reasons is wasting headspace just need to follow that advice
I'm not sure I even know what I want - ultimately a long term relationship with someone who is my equal and will need to take some sort of parental role within the house if we live together.
-but how to achievet his when I don't even know what I find attractive any more and without feeling pressured or rushed or hurting myself or others is tricky.

I agree with Alice I chatted to some one early last year and it wasn't till saw a fb post I realised he had a gf .
I was hurt by it but it made me wary , after that I started to do a bit of a check .
Even if it was something as simple as putting there user name in to fb lol

Lurking... I do know what you're saying... but it's almost impossible not to analyse it when that's just happened to you.

You think 'what did I do?', 'what's wrong with me?'. You internalise it. But sometimes, down the line, it turns out it's some external circumstance going on.