How do you deal with huggers when you are not that type of person?

[CrapBag]

I hate being touched by someone I don't want to. Kids and DH, fine. My own family (some of them) fine. Anyone else just no.

MIL is a hugger. I hate it. She had to be very specifically and repeatedly told to stop rubbing my pregnant belly before even though it was very obvious I was uncomfortable with it.

When you greet and leave her, she always wants a hug and a kiss. I'm sorry but I loathe it. I don't love her so I dont want to do it. How she hasn't twigged by now that I am quite obviously uncomfortable I don't know (but then she is very good at ignoring something that she doesn't wish to acknowledge).

I am mentioning MIL as I don't know anyone else that does this, thankfully. I did hug my friend when she was moving away and she was very surprised and laughed but I was genuinely gutted to be loosing her so she got a rare hug. I also have a friend that is quite tactile and gets quite close and touches your arm which I find odd but as she isn't hugging me I kind of put up and shut up even though I find it a little odd.

Is this just me? Am I weird for not wanting to be bloody hugged by anyone other than immediately family?

I've taken to saying "I'm not a hugger" when confronted by one of them.

I look bonkers but am now old enough give just thought of as a bit eccentric and blunt.

I hate hugging strangers and acquaintances.

Im like this too, its well known I dont do physical contact.

I find holding a child / large amounts of bags in my hands is a real handy barrier.

Ok...

Fake sneeze or cough profusely so you have to turn away from Hugger for long enough for them to give up

Put your hand out (to shake theirs)

Family goodbyes: get in the car and do your seatbelt up and just wave from your seat with your window only half down.

If it's too late and you're being hugged, go limp, shudder and make a horrified face. That should put Hugger off for future occasions (this might not be enough to put off people like your my MIL )

HTH

No, it's not just you.

I only want a hug from my DH, DM and DF. I hate being cuddled by anyone else.

It's just rude to tell people that though, isn't it?

PIL are quite tactile. FIL likes to rub my bump and I just hate being hugged by them or SIL.

Troube is they are all huggy people. DB has a go at me when I don't hug SIL...

My mother always profers a hand in a very exaggerated fashion so people always shake her hand instead.

Ha ha, I can imagine MIL if I offer her my hand to shake!

Last time I gave her a loose 1 armed hug, thought it was pretty obvious but she just squeezed me harder. After she split with her DH and I was sympathetic over the phone, she said she'd have DS one afternoon, great I thought so we arranged it then she wanted to know if I was going to stay (I thought she wanted some time with DS) because she wanted a cuddle!

Some good suggestion here. I could be holding DD but chances are she will want to get down to hug nanny. I may take to just lugging bags of shopping around randomly, may look odd doing it around my house . I like the cough or sneeze thing. I could desperately need the toilet as well. Keep them coming.

Oh and it's good to hear I am not the only one who doesn't like this. I know it would be considered rude by huggers but it's our bloody body and we should have the right to say who hugs it without it being rude.

I'm not a hugger either but I always feel like I'm the odd one out. If out with a crowd of friends or acquaintances and they are all hugging each other goodbye, I hate it

I love hugging my husband child and dog though.

Buy yourself a small dog and when visited by people you don't want to hug pick small animal up in your arms when its time for them to leave and walk towards the door (you are picking it up so he doesn't bolt through the open door you see ). Works every time for me

That's great Tan except I am allergic to dogs and most other domestic animals. Bugger.

Oh dear

Haha. This is me! I work in an all female environment and my manager in particular is very much a hugger, she knows how I hate being touched by anyone and attempts to hug me/put her arm around me at numerous points through the day. I repeatedly just tell her to get off me - it's a standard joke now that I hate it - they don't seem to realise I'm being deadly serious! (I'm also pretty much a closed book, I think the two must be linked?)

Be blunt and tell them, a wave goodbye is plenty!

I am exactly the same. I've learnt to tolerate it with family & in laws, but I physically take a step back or just blurt out something along the lines of "I have personal space issues - no hugging!" And then laugh so they don't think I'm completely mad... No sure if that works but it stops them hugging me

I'm ok with a hug but I hate people patting my back. After about the 20 millionth time of me politely asking them not to pat my back DH had to firmly tell his dad & wife to stop doing it or I'd start screaming (rage not fear).

Pepper spray.

Only half-joking.

No one touches me unless they share my surname!

I once forcefully explained to a stupidly tactile colleague that he was to imagine a zone around me which no one was to enter. My personal space whilst pointing and gesticulating wildly. I think early pregnancy hormones may have fuelled my outburst, but no one in the office tries to touch me anymore. Mission accomplished. I am not a huggy bear.

Can you suddenly look very busy and focused on yourself? - now where are my keys? phone, right parked car there.... oh there's that receipt in my pocket, now do I have everything - kids? Ready? All got coats bye then

I don't mind hugs but I can't stand handshakes. keep your dirty filthy germ hands to yourself is what I want to say. But some people still ignore the body language and stick their hands in my face and I have to shake them. urgh.
I don't mind hugs as there is always clothing to minimise the personal contact.

I do an involuntary step back accompanied by a look of horror mixed with terror.

Since nobody ever tries to hug me more than once, I can only assume it works

I'm with you. Hugs from DH fine, wish I could have hugs off the children but they're all teens and going through that phase, will put up with them off other family members but will never initiate, but anyone else?? No no no!

DH is a real hugger and so it does look slightly odd sometimes as usually when leaving a social occasion, he will be going around hugging the entire room, while I'm "ok, bye then!" and halfway down the road/out the door!

" she knows how I hate being touched by anyone and attempts to hug me/put her arm around me at numerous points through the day"

Chelsbells if a male manager were doing that, it would be called "sexual harrassment"

Sunny that is very true.

We're all good friends and I know she means nothing by it, as i say it's become a standing joke that I don't like anyone touching me!

Ooh, I sympathise. I'm exactly the same with hugs. Kids, family, very close friends - fine. Others, no no NO. I'm the same with kissing. I LOATHE 'social kissing'. Even people who've just been introduced will lean in to do the kissing thing - I mean, WHY? I've got kissing avoidance down to a fine art - I lean back and shove out my right hand (instantly repels their approach), grab their hand, and say 'how do you do' ,'good to see you again' or 'goodbye', or whatever's suitable.

PMSL at pepper spray. I wish.

"keep your dirty filthy germ hands to yourself is what I want to say" . Maybe offer so easy hand gel first so they stop wanting to shake your hand.

I hate the kissing too. I have no desire to kiss MIL, she wears bright lipstick, I don't want it thanks.

It's usually at our house where she is the one leaving, I could easily be half out of the door if I was leaving, slightly more awkward when I'm in my own house. I need to be occupied with a sudden urgent job I think.

She knows I don't like it. I think my awkwardness makes it pretty obvious. When I was pregnant with DS I kind of teeth grittingly accepted the belly rubbing even though I hated it. With DD, she rubbed my flat belly when I was only a few weeks gone. I made it clear to DH she was to be told to stop. He told her. I avoided coming down the stairs one day as I knew her being told would make no difference. I eventually came down for her to come over to fucking hug me and as she did she sneakily put her hand between us so she could rub my belly. I stepped back and said no, DH and her DH both were telling her not to do it as I didn't like it. She just laughed. Saw her a little while later when we were dropping DS over and as soon as DH left the room she started walking over towards me with her hand out. I firmly stepped back and said "I don't like that" and she then wanted to know why. When I said " I just don't" in quite an annoyed tone she actually didn't do it again. Never offered to have DS again though! (Unless it was to manipulate me into staying to give her a cuddle when she was upset) This woman doesn't like being told.

I think making it clearer to her may stop her but I feel I have to be slightly rude for her to get it which will put her back up.

I don't have this problem with others as I don't really know any other huggers (thankfully!).

I'm not a hugger but I tend to put up with it from friends/acquaintances if we're greeting, I find it fine in small doses and it's all over quickly enough not to get too worried about it. I will only air-kiss though, it feels unhygienic to put my lips on someone's cheek, but that seems socially acceptable.

I don't particularly like hugging DH or DCs, and don't get anything out of it myself, but again I reciprocate for the sake of bonding and keeping relationships on an even keel.

If there's anyone I don't want to be hugged by and who already knows, or if I'm in a frame of mind where I really don't want to be hugged, I have been known to simply stand there with my arms by my side. It tends to make them feel uncomfortable and then they finally get that they've crossed a line.

Another thing I used to do, after a nasty sexual assault, was to flinch when some people got too close to me. That wasn't deliberate on my part, but it certainly made them think about my personal space! So I suppose you could learn to do that whenever anyone gets too close to you, it does seem to frighten people off.

I hate it too, I couldnt stand my mum doing it for the longest time and I got very "squirmy" when she tried to do it, My MIL is an absolute NONO, I think, to be fair, she learnt early on without me saying anything.

I even used to be very economical with hugging DH, and he mentioned it one day slightly hurt, which caused me to evaluate, now I try and give more hugs. I even demand them from time to time :)

I have finally given in and allow my mum to hug me, and I just about tolerate it as I know one day she will be gone and I will miss them (I am so weird right: :D) but it wont extend to my brothers or anyone else.

However,I cant stand it when DH and the kids try and hug me - or even sit near me - when I am eating. - I wish they would learn!

A new bloke at work is one of those happy people who bear hug you, I was mortified the first time he did it, and avoided him like the plague, the next time he tried it I made a big song and dance about how pukey it was (in a really childish way lol) He stopped, then afterwards i explained how I disliked it and so far so good.

next time you Mil tries it, be honest and back away, throw your hands up and say no, try and laugh it off.. You wont get anywhere being coy :)