How do you deal with huggers when you are not that type of person?

[CrapBag]

I hate being touched by someone I don't want to. Kids and DH, fine. My own family (some of them) fine. Anyone else just no.

MIL is a hugger. I hate it. She had to be very specifically and repeatedly told to stop rubbing my pregnant belly before even though it was very obvious I was uncomfortable with it.

When you greet and leave her, she always wants a hug and a kiss. I'm sorry but I loathe it. I don't love her so I dont want to do it. How she hasn't twigged by now that I am quite obviously uncomfortable I don't know (but then she is very good at ignoring something that she doesn't wish to acknowledge).

I am mentioning MIL as I don't know anyone else that does this, thankfully. I did hug my friend when she was moving away and she was very surprised and laughed but I was genuinely gutted to be loosing her so she got a rare hug. I also have a friend that is quite tactile and gets quite close and touches your arm which I find odd but as she isn't hugging me I kind of put up and shut up even though I find it a little odd.

Is this just me? Am I weird for not wanting to be bloody hugged by anyone other than immediately family?

oldgrandmama do you mean she was sleeping with your DH/P, was your best friend and now she hugs you when she sees you!?

In that situation no one would blame you for letting your fist hug her face.

It's nice to have lots of fellow non huggers. Luckily I don't think I need to see MIL anytime soon. DH is seeing her this weekend and he won't feel the need to see her again for a little while. He gets a bit fed up of her really.

I like the statue bit. Can picture me standing there like a statue until she let's go. I still don't think she would take the hint.

Oh and I certainly won't be going to France. I'd be permanently dodging people to avoid them.

I'm a hugger, some of my friends aren't, so I don't hug them. It's about respect really, but you have to tell them.

OP - I had this problem with my FIL for years. He used to give full-frontal loooonnnngggg goodbye hugs. And he is a tall and large man and I am only little so I used to just feel completely overwhelmed and a bit sick. He has lot of issues and no real boundaries. Anyway, a combination of my DH and MIL telling him I am not a huggy person (not true - just don't like being manipulated/mauled!) and the shoulder technique (grab the shoulder firmly and hold your arm stiff to prevent them coming closer, pat the other shoulder vaguely and proffer you cheek for a kiss then push away with force ) has finally worked for me. Although tbh I think I am stroppy enough now just to tell him. My in laws and DH were the same with DS when he was little, imposing their needs for a hug/kiss on him. My DH used to really nag DS for a cuddle but I put a stop to it and DH soon realised that DS is actually much more affectionate when left to his own devices.

If people can't take a hint they deserve to be told bluntly - if they are offended then so what?! You are offended with the hugging/touching. They'll get over it.

Lol, can you tell I got madder the more I thought about it?!

I can .

I shouldn't be worried about offending really. I have just been reading the NSPCC's PANTS thing because it's something I need to cover with the DCs and there was something about letting your DCs know that they are under no obligation to let anyone touch them, even family as it's their body which really made me think. I don't have to let MIL hug me, especially when I'm sure she is aware I don't really like it but persists anyway. It's just awkward putting it into practise after years of letting her do it.

Yes definitely easier said than done...doubly hard for children to assert themselves ! Good luck! Could you say something along the lines of "I am just not comfortable with full on hugs and you wouldn't want me to be uncomfortable, would you?" Or failing that "gerroff ffs!"

Hmm,

I really hate air-kissing. It drives me nuts.
Physicla contact is fine with poeple you know and/or fancy. Its fucking wierd with the unknown, weird and unattractive.

Huggings OK as long as its quick and high up i.e. around the shoulders. Hugging's a letcher's charter - tits or arse.

To be honest, I'd prefer a quick manly shoulder punch. More informal than a hand shake, less wierd than an air kiss and less chance of sharing someones BO than a hug.