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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm back to update. Things got worse...

54 replies

verticalstripes · 01/03/2015 17:29

I'm not sure how to link to the old thread so if somebody can do that I'd really appreciate it.

On sunday I was about to go to the shop and my friend was in a break from work so sent a message and said they needed the shop anyway which meant they would be going past my house. They offered me a lift. When I got dropped back home my DP said "who the fuck is that guy?" the car is also not a uk car so i got out on what is normally the drivers side. He was angry and asked me if I had been driving, in the last thread I mentioned he didn't want me to learn. He told me to get the fuck out and threw me out, I only managed to get a few things that were already packed in a case from before.
I got outside and didn't know what to do so i called my friend who came back and picked me up, they took me up to the bar as they had to work and didn't have time to take me anywhere else. I arranged a hotel for the night, the next day I went back and he was very angry. He was shouting a lot and then something happened. He touched my arm and although he didn't hurt me I felt like a huge line had been crossed in the action and it was the first small boundary broken before it would escalate. He slammed the door over and over again and I left having only managed to get a couple more things.

I've been living in the hotel the past week.

He keeps sending me texts, one minute saying awful things then the next saying he is sorry, so sorry, he is ill, he is getting help etc. He called me up and said he was going to dump all my things and the cats. Then hung up. I sent a text saying "please don't hurt the cat" then he called back and said "Who the fuck do you think I am? I wouldn't hurt the cats" but literally one minute before had said he would dump them somewhere.

I've missed parts out, I don't mean to drip feed I just struggle to write it all now. Sad

OP posts:
FastWindow · 01/03/2015 17:33

DP, not DH? No kids, just cats? Run for the hills. He sounds like a looper. Sorry.

Original poster
verticalstripes · 01/03/2015 17:33

I did run, I'm still in the hotel now. Yes, not married and no children.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/03/2015 17:35

Is your social worker aware of these latest developments?.

Have you spoken to Womens Aid as yet as well as the police?. You really do need to involve these people now as a matter of urgency if you have not already spoken to them. You may well be very afraid of what is happening to you but it is not your fault he is the ways he is and you did not make him do these things to you.

Do not return to his house under any circumstances unless you have the police with you. His behaviour is typically abusive with all the nice/nasty behaviours.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/03/2015 17:36

Are your family aware that you are now living in a hotel?

Brandnewattitude · 01/03/2015 17:38

It is good to hear from you op. Hope you have left for good now. Yes, involve your social worker, women's aid, police and stay away.

ooerrmissus · 01/03/2015 17:38

Well done for getting out now. He sounds dangerous.

I have no experience to offer but I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will be along soon.

SecretLocker · 01/03/2015 17:39

Thanks for updating Vertical, I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling relieved to know you're kind of safe.
I take it you're not considering giving this man another chance?

turbonerd · 01/03/2015 17:39

I'm so glad you are safe Vertical!
Dont go back alone to the house, please.

rollmeover · 01/03/2015 17:39

Thank goodness you are ok.

Hopefully he has forced your hand and you wont go back. Remember he has crossed a line, dont go back over it.

You need to speak to your social worker and/or police about getting the rest of your belongings asap and also get help with housing.

Perhaps call womens aid too, they will know exactly how to help you.

Please take care, this man sounds so very dangerous.

Original poster
verticalstripes · 01/03/2015 17:40

I have't involved the police but my social worker is helping me, i see her again tomorrow. He keeps telling me not to talk to anybody about him and saying things like "how many people have you told?" in messages. He sends them constantly, he knows where I am because I don't drive so had to stay local but he would never come here. He keeps accusing me of bad mouthing him to people he knows but I haven't. Sad

I won't go back alone. I'm too scared to.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 01/03/2015 17:42

Ive got nothing practical to write, although I wish I had. I just thank god you got out of there.

You'll get great advice on here from those who know their onions Flowers

Brandnewattitude · 01/03/2015 17:42

He will be laying on the guilt now saying he can't live without you.

Balders74 · 01/03/2015 17:44

Does he have a history of mental health issues? He sounds paranoid & I wonder if he is having some sort of breakdown?? Even more reason to stay away & try not to get drawn into his drama. Glad you're safe.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/03/2015 17:44

You need to involve the police and now. He is a dangerous individual and his messages to you are menacing in nature.

How long realistically can you stay in the hotel for.

Ignore any future messages and show all of these to the police. They are useful evidence.

Selks · 01/03/2015 17:45

If you are in a hotel and he knows which one, do tell reception staff that under no circumstances is he to be allowed up to your room, told what number it is or even given a key should he go there. Tell them you will call the police if any of those things happen.

FabULouse · 01/03/2015 17:45

This reply has been deleted

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Auburnsparkle · 01/03/2015 17:48

I agree - please talk to the police and Women's Aid - you cannot deal with this alone. He is very dangerous and I fear this will escalate very quicky.

DeliciousMonster · 01/03/2015 17:48

Bloody hell Vertical - so many people were worried about you!

Please don't go back - do whatever you can to stay away.

What are your options now?

Original poster
verticalstripes · 01/03/2015 17:49

Brandnewattitude, he is already doing this. Telling me his life is over without me, telling me how sorry he is etc. He keeps saying I was all he had and now he has no future. Then 20 minutes later he tells me I'm a whore and he hates me/wish he had never met me. Totally different from one minute to the next....

OP posts:
Vivacia · 01/03/2015 17:51

What are your plans?

AccordingtoSteve · 01/03/2015 17:52

So glad to read you are ok vertical. Hope you find somewhere safe for you and your cat very very soon xxxx

Original poster
verticalstripes · 01/03/2015 17:56

I viewed a private rental yesterday that will allow my cat. It is very small but I plan to take it. It is local though and he has told me I'm not allowed to stay around here Sad
I don't know what to do. I have friends here... but I'm concerned it will make it worse to live in this area. I can't travel to view houses because I don't drive so I can't view any further away... it's really hard.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 01/03/2015 17:59

Save all texts and communications, you might need record of them in future Sad

Vivacia · 01/03/2015 17:59

Last week you said you had few friends in the area. Are you not tempted to move back to be near family?