Sorry if this is long.
I work as a therapist in the NHS. Since returning to work after mat leave I've been finding it increasingly stressful. My role changed a lot, all for the worse, I also had a long commute that made childcare very hard to manage.
Last autumn I decided I couldn't manage anymore, even though I was part time, and applied for a couple of jobs related to what I do but outside my current profession. They would have been much less stressful, less hours and close to home but paid quite a bit less than I get now. DH talked me out of going to the interviews so I ended up taking a full time therapy job closer to home, which I started at the beginning of the year.
I hate the job. I feel sick at the though of it. I'm not sleeping and have lost my appetite. I miss DS and the fun stuff we used to do together in the week. We don't need the extra money. We would be able to pay all the bills if I didn't work at all.
Last week was especially difficult at work, I was very ill, too ill to be in work really but I just couldn't call in sick, and I was on my own Tuesday- Thursday as DH was working away.
I said all of this to him at dinner yesterday and that I'm going to try to stick it out till August but if it's not better by then I'm going to leave even if I don't have another job to go to because it's making me ill. He said I can't leave unless I've got another job to go to and that I'm being irresponsible.
Then I started crying. I don't cry very often, and never in front of DS. DH got really angry and asked what was wrong with me and then I totally lost the plot. I'm not sure what happened, one minute I was at dinner table next minute I was sitting crying in the kitchen floor, and DHs drink was knocked over, DS was crying, DH was fuming. The rest of last night is really hazy. I feel so guilty - one of my earliest memories is being scared because my mum wouldn't stop crying and I don't want that for my little boy. DH and I have spent the day with DS trying to pretend that everything is normal and ok but it's not. I think I might be having some kind of breakdown. I keep crying. My head feels tight and wrong. I'm failing in every area of my life and I really don't know what to do next. DH today said maybe I should call in sick to work with stress but I don't see how I can when Im only a few weeks out of the induction.
If anyone has any advise I would be greatful, but please don't be too harsh. I'm already very sad 