Anyone else living with a drug user?

[magicgirl79]

From my past posts you will know my H is a cannabis user, not just the occasional smoker but everyday, regularly.

I do not and have no interest in drugs but I have noticed now this is bothering me more and more.

He can be moody and sulky in between the high stages and just want to see if there is anyone else in this situation and how it effects their everyday life. Or if this situation has caused you to split?

Lucy90 - if they stop do they ever return to normal? My Dsis husband has a daily habit - he is always falling out with his bosses (always their fault) leaving is job and recently he is getting sucked into pathetic conspiracy theories from the internet so you have endure boring monologues about some childish nonsense when you see him.

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

Im keeping an eye on intake now, I have noticed today since being home early afternoon, he has had 2 and a half joints and onto another just now.

The only effect this has its he is in a normal/good mood, sometimes he can be pretty stoned but that will be once/twice a week.

Like a few have said, its the moods in between smokes, anything longer than a 3 hour break can be miserable.

My ex was a daily smoker, i didnt realise how much it affected everything until he left.
He didnt ever want to go abroad as he wouldnt be able to take his stuff through the airport.
I remember wanting to take ds to the beach, he insisted going to a virtually empty one, despite theyre being a really busy one nearby that ds would have really enjoyed, so he could smoke.
I couldnt have anyone over, EVER. The smell was so strong.
He kept back 500 a month from his wages for it, whilst i struggled to pay for things (i didnt find this out till after).
I spoke to someone who used to work under him and they told me the reason he got passed over for a big promotion was that everyone knew he smoked a LOT including his boss.
And he was boring as fuck as well, lying stoned every night for years!!
I would never ever go near another person who touched the stuff!

My H is the same, no holidays abroad etc. If we go in this country it has to be by car, then that's a nightmare as the highness is obviously not there.

All quite sad really!!

magic - you dont have to quantify it to justify it - there is no quantity threshold that is acceptable or not acceptable -- it is how he makes you feel.

My stbxh drunk "only" at weekends and holidays - called himself a binge drinker not a problem drinker ... who cares - I and my children were emotionally and physically abandoned - not good enough. We deserved more.

How does he enrich yours and your DDs life?

Time is precious

Mylife i doubt they would return to normal as they often dont think they have changed at all. They think everyone else is the problem

He can sometimes be nice and take time for us but this is usually after smoking cannabis.

For example, was in a bad mood when I cam home from work yesterday afternoon, had not been smoking since lunch, went for a smoke, came back fine. After tea at night it was wore off again, another moody, silent time. D and I went out, still moody when we came home and this went on most of the night, until I went to bed.

It is just exhausting living like this, not knowing the moods and sulks. Its drains the life out of me. Writing about it makes me angry that I allow this to happen to us, he must be able to realise he is not making me happy!!

of course he realises, he just isn't remotely mithered about it

He can sometimes be nice and take time for us but this is usually after smoking cannabis.

The not knowing what mood he will be in is controlling your lives, and pre-occupying your mind 24/7.

You DD will also feel like she is walking on egg-shells 24/7 - does she deserve to hang around all of her childhood waiting/hoping for any of his "crumbs"?

You need to LTB.

I feel really sad for your DD, I think you need to leave him kick him out ASAP.

Hold on to that anger and use it to make a change! We are all here to support you. Leaving will be hard but staying in this kind of relationship will be 100 x harder.

He will never change. This is how it is forever.

If he had an equivalent drink habit - pissed daily for half the time and then hungover and moody for the other half of the day - would you tolerate that?

I doubt it - this is the same.

You need to decide if this is the best childhood you can give your daughter.

You can give her a better life than this - one where she has a Mum not pre-occupied, anxious, distressed 24/7 with walking on egg shells around the moody stoner - rather a Mum who is happy joyful and engaged with her DD.

What does this teach your DD about how to conduct a relationship - that she should hang around on her partners coat tails waiting and hoping for the crumbs of their attention - that she deserves and should accept the bad moods? Do you aspire to this for your DD? Because this is her blueprint and is all she knows so this is what her future relationships will be like.

If you choose to change nothing - all you can expect is more of the same.

And of course you deserve so much more that this - I am only focussing on your DD because you can choose to endure/accept bad behaviour with low standards and boundaries - she cannot.

You also need to take responsibility for enabling your OH. You finically support the family he only works full time but has an expensive daily habit. You keep a roof over his head, keep him fed and watered, tolerate and tip toe around his bad moods, are grateful for his moments of calm/crumbs. All of your actions enable him to continue to be an addict / have a destructive habit.

Keep investigating - hope these links help.

www.talktofrank.com
www.marijuana-anonymous.co.uk

Mylifepart2 ~ Thank you for your posts and also the links included. I have been looking on google and quite often come across that cannabis is deemed a soft drug which it may be but living with someone who smokes a lot tells a different story.

My D adores her dad and can see no wrong but as she gets older she will see more and more, she has slowly began to pick up.

Early evening today, was a horrible mood!! 2 joints and a can of beer later, nice mood!!

Sorry to keep whittering on but I can not speak with anyone else as I am embarrassed about the whole thing.

He is home again, bad mood, dinner in the bin, all because he is not high, this makes me feel like crap!

Im actually scared to ask him to stop his smoking but not brave enough to leave, I don't know what to do. What I do know is I am really not happy, tears writing this infact, I cant see a way out.

Later he will be nice as he will have smoked and drank beer, so he will be chilled, I just cant keep switching on and off so much, its messing with my head.

Why do you feel not brave enough to leave; what is preventing you from calling time on this relationship?.

This is no life for you or your DD to be witness to is it?. You have no life with this addict and he will always put cannabis before you both.

I don't think anyone should live with a drug user. Especially with kids. but since it is pot, I am sure the kids noticed and I don't think it is good for them. my dad drinks and he get snappy. and I never liked it and made us uncomfortable.

I scared of the huge changes and perhaps even there could be some love left.

Although I am completely independent financially etc, I believe he has me reliant on him through my confidence etc, if that makes sense.

I worry will I meet someone again, will i be lonely in life as my daughter gets older.

Part of me wishes I could get a taste of what it is like, bit of course that is not going to happen, I know I have 2 choices, stay or go.

You sound lonely with him though, granted weed isn't the worst of drugs but have you ever noticed how much people ramble on about nothing for absolutely ages when they're stoned and you're not?

I would find the mood swings hardest to deal with as it sounds like you don't know what you're going to get from one day to the next.

Have you thought about seeing a counsellor if you can't confide in anyone in real life? They might be able to help you work up the courage to leave or at least it will be someone to open up to.

Thank you, I haven't thought about a counsellor before. I have trust issues in that I find it very hard to trust someone to know they will not reveal this part of my life know one knows about.

Its actually been therapeutic writing in Mumsnet to get it off my chest. Right now he is in a fab mood, great with DD too, but he has been smoking and drinking.

Im so scared, I know the feelings I had for him is gone and I don't think they are going to come back,

While it's not exactly the same, I have never been as lonely as a single parent as I was while I was still in a relationship with an alcoholic.

It is very lonely, I'm happiest when it is me and my daughter. I think I have resigned myself that it is over, I felt the sane way 2 years ago, but wasn't brave enough then either to do something about it.

Do it for your DD if not for yourself -- she needs consistent love and care from her parent if she is to have any emotional bedrock for her future.

She does not need to live a childhood with a parent swinging from bad/nasty mood to good/nice mood - of course you know it weed related - she doesnt know this and will think it is her fault. How devastating.

How does she respond to his moods? Is she hyper sensitive watching waiting adapting her behaviour depending what mod he is in?

I agree, rather pot is harmful or not, I do know that addiction is very harmful...rather it is drinking, gambling....or pot. If he is moody without his addiction, then you have problem.

I actually think she just thinks the moods are normal/acceptable. She will say things like dads gurney or dads saying bad words.

My mood changes too as quite often his mood changes mines, so very up and down.

We had a whole day to ourselves today and it was lovely!!

We had a whole day to ourselves today and it was lovely!!

Get rid of him and every day will be like that :)