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Relationships

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Original poster

Dtd with kids asleep in room

91 replies

Bitconfused123 · 19/02/2015 14:40

I've name hanged for this because I'm a bit embarrassed!
Currently having an argument with my dh. He is very cross because I refused to have sex with him while we were away and staying in the same room as our dcs (5yrs and 2yrs). I just felt that it wasn't appropriate and that my five year old is much too aware of things and shouldn't be exposed to this. He feels it was fine because it was pitch black and she was across the room.

He thinks there is no difference to doing it in the same room and in a tent (he's threatening to cancel our hols because we are camping for ten days in the summer). We have a big tent which is compartmented off. His argument is that its about the same space as the room as we were in and so the same kind of privacy. I am saying that the compartments (zipped up) give a lot more privacy.
The problem is we do end up sleeping in the same room on quite a few nights away and so he feels I'm being unreasonable with this rule. I have said that it's more about my feelings than anything else and if I don't feel comfortable he should respect that.
What do people think? Maybe I should have posted in aibu?!

OP posts:

Jan45 · 19/02/2015 16:29

Marriage guidance, really, just for that?

Rebecca2014 · 19/02/2015 16:30

No I wouldn't with a five year old.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 19/02/2015 16:32

I wouldn't shag if the children were in the room, I'd never relax enough.

He is being very unreasonable regarding the holiday, that isn't a good sign.

wallypops · 19/02/2015 16:33

Does it not add to the challenge and add a bit of spice to the whole thing seeing how quiet you can keep it?

Saying that I have done it with my 12 month old playing in our room - but she was completely unaware and my ex was definitely not interested in anyones pleasure but his own so only one of us needed to keep quiet.

itwillgetbettersoon · 19/02/2015 16:34

I wouldn't relax with kids sleeping near me. We use to camp for our main holidays. Often went without until we got home. Not a big deal really.

Damnautocorrect · 19/02/2015 16:39

I woke up to the sound of shagging parents in a tent as a child. It was pretty grim.

I wouldn't have sex with a 5 year old in the same room, like you say they are too switched on

Weathergames · 19/02/2015 16:40

Ah Cognito - us too

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/02/2015 16:46

I'm not really sure I could feel turned on and ready for sex with my children in the room. It doesn't really get you in the mood, knowing your children are sleeping right there next to you.

All I'd be thinking is what if they woke up. The view they would have!!

Joysmum · 19/02/2015 17:00

When my daughter is about I'm a mum first with no interest in sex. I remember she once walked in as a toddler and I was disgusted. Since then there's been a lock on the door.

I'd never DTD in the same room as her as that night still makes me feel gross now.

Marmiteandjamislush · 19/02/2015 17:29

YANBU. Can he not wait until you get home??! Tbh, I wouldn't do it in the tent either, because of shadows and how noise can carry through canvas. If it were me, I would find this kind of childish sulking do unsexy, I'd find it hard to do it ever again.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 19/02/2015 17:48

I wouldn't go camping. I like sex on holiday...

He is being an arse though.

sunshineandshowers · 19/02/2015 19:15

I am just about to give birth to dc3 who was conceived in a tent with my 6 and 4 year old next to us. They are very deep sleepers and we're definitely asleep. No big deal for me, but if you don't want to do it then that's fine. He is being a bit manchild which is v unattractive.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2015 20:39

I wouldn't have sex at all with anyone who; doesn't respect my feelings; tries to bully me into sex; treats my vagina as his possession; gets angry/sulky/pouty if I don't want to have sex for whatever reason I give them.

glidingpig · 19/02/2015 21:22

Does sex normally happen every single time he wants it? There aren't many people who can say that! If he can't handle being told no, and is traumatised at the idea of going without sex for ten days, he is in dire need of a sense of perspective.

And why would he want to have sex with someone who was feeling turned off and unhappy? Or are you meant to magic your feelings away?

MrsBungle · 19/02/2015 21:28

No I just couldn't have sex with my kids in the same room. What a turn off.

lavenderhoney · 19/02/2015 23:39

A friend of mine remembers being in the same room when her parents were having sex. She was 8, and she remembers her dm saying " no". And her df doing it anyway. - she was co- sleeping on holiday.

A tent- it depends - but the same room- Hmm. Depends on the age of the child, how deeply asleep, and how you both feel about it. No is fine, surely? With no fuss.

Can't he wait? He sounds very entitled.

Fairylea · 19/02/2015 23:43

Lavender so your friend heard her mum being raped?!

There's no way I would even contemplate having sex in the same room as dc. Just a total turn off and seems very weird to me.

ladymariner · 19/02/2015 23:53

No way could I dtd with my ds in the same room.....nor could I ever again shag a man who made me feel I had to!!!

As a pp said, wait till they're asleep and make use of the shower or the hotel balcony now that was a night to remember and surely that's why Kids Clubs were invented???

honeyroar · 19/02/2015 23:54

We used to sneak to the bathroom while DSS slept in the room.

lavenderhoney · 20/02/2015 20:58

Fairy, yes, i think so too:(

Bowlersarm · 20/02/2015 21:05

Holidays for me is partly about catching up on sex with Dh. So I would never have the dc in the same room. Camping for 10 days altogether-wouldn't happen. I wouldn't do it if I were your Dh.

saltnpepa · 20/02/2015 21:14

Needs must? Shame to have no holiday sex? Are you people serious? You can't put off having sex until you are alone? Are you aware that having sex in front of a child is consider abuse by social services? Never mind if you think that child is asleep or not, you are still having sex in front of them. So you wouldn't have sex with your teenager asleep in the same room but will with a child of 4/5? That's even worse. Poor children on holiday being abused like this because 'needs must'. I feel positively sick.

saltnpepa · 20/02/2015 21:17

Oh and do go to the marriage counselor - there will be a swift referral to SS.

Bowlersarm · 20/02/2015 21:18

Who has said they have sex in front of a child saltnpepa?

DevaWalls · 20/02/2015 21:20

We've made use of the en-suite bathroom for subtle marital relations whilst the DC are fast asleep. Turn in the shower to cover any noise (which we try to avoid making anyway).
On our last holiday we had a few nights in a more expensive family suite so we could enjoy having our own room for a few nights, well worth the money!!

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