Was my hairdresser right about my cheating XH?

[Shitmyhairdressersays]

I don't know if this should be in Chat or in here so please feel free to move it if it's in the wrong place.
I have nc for this, just wanted to get some clarification on something that's bothering me.
My XH and I were together 10 years and had 2 DC. For the duration of my pregnancy with my second DC (one that he didn't want until she was born) he was cheating with OW (although he says it didn't start until after DD was born) and was vile to me throughout. DD was conceived after a MC which devastated me at the time (I mention this because it is relevant to my question). I was absolutely floored by his eventual confession and after a couple of attempts to try and patch up our marriage where I did the 'pick me' dance and changed everything about myself in a bid to 'win' this prize of a H, I finally wised up and kicked the fucker out.
He is now married to OW and I am happily remarried and XH and I have are civil because of the DC.
I was recommended this new hairdresser by a friend of mine so went to have my hair cut and on my second visit was discussing my recent wedding and the fact that I had been married before. He (hairdresser) asked me what happened to end my previous marriage and I told him the story.
At this point he looked somewhat shocked and I expected him to say the usual stuff about how it was my XH loss etc but instead he said:
"Well you mustn't have been giving him any sex if he cheated. A man will not cheat if he's getting any at home"
I nearly spat my coffee out and instantly felt angry and told him that in my opinion that made it sound like he thought the blame and responsibility for my XH cheating was all my fault. He said it was.
I was livid and never went back to that hairdresser but recently I've been pondering hairdressers words and it still pisses me off.
You see, we weren't having sex because I'd had a MC before being pg with DD and was terrified of having another MC and XH was being vile all through pg.
I need to stress this: I would never want XH back and look back at being married to him now as if it happened to someone else. Everything worked out wonderfully for me and I love my DH so much.
But that hairdressers words are still rankling so I'm asking you lot.
So was it my fault XH cheated?

Op I was given this as a reason why my "d" p cheated on me. By friends (who are older than me). I think it may be a generational thing, people saying "well, what do you expect?", as if these poor men somehow not in control of themselves.

Your hairdresser is an arsehole. A bit at your choice of conversation topic, but there you go!

Like others on here. My ExH was getting plenty of sex but he still cheated!
We had a very healthy sex life.

So ToYouToMe is this what you produce when you've been unfaithful, to 'justify' it all? And these silly females just lap it up and let you carry on? Really???
Wowzers.

How do you know ToYouToMe is a man? I thought otherwise.

"Oh yes, once he came home drunk and couldn't get it up so I was forced to pop next door and shag the neighbour, I was quite annoyed he forced me to get out of bed to get sex because I was comfortable but he understood I had no choice and apologised."

No?

exMIL tried this on me when I revealed to her that exH had been on hookup and porn sites. She accused me of being cold, not interested in him, implying I wasn't making myself available for his 'needs'. You should have seen her face when I told her it was gay porn and hookup sites.

was he a good hairdresser?

you would hope he wasn't crap at everything

Oh Math - it should be , but

Sorry math but that made me laugh out loud.

Ok I need to clear up a couple of points, someone mentioned how odd it was that I was discussing my sex life with the hairdresser. I wasn't, I am a pretty open person in that I would happily discuss most things with anyone but in this instance I was simply telling him how I came to be married to my DH and that I'd been married before. It was the hairdresser who asked about my previous sex life.
The hairdresser owns the salon although it seems to be failing as there is only him that works there and whenever I pass it (it;s on my school route I'm not stalking him ) it's always empty. Wonder why?
The hairdresser had talked about his own wife in quite derogatory terms which I didn't like. He mentioned how she drank too much and seemed to be quite angry about her. As I said he is from a country which has much more traditional views of relationships and women than we have in the UK.
I don't think he likes women much at all. Except for my friend who he seems to adore and she him. I find it bizarre because of his strange behaviour.
I haven't told her yet what happened and that I haven't been back, and am dreading having that conversation really.
Goldfish My XH swears he wasn't seeing OW during the pregnancy and I suppose he has no reason to lie to this day about it but I don't know. He was horrendous during the pregnancy and wanted me to abort DD even though we had tried to conceive and as I mentioned all this was after a MC. He said he wasn't ready for another child. He dotes on her now but he can never unsay what he said (I would NEVER tell her).
There may even have been a different OW at the start of my pregnancy and then he moved onto this one, I do know this OW was interested in him because we all went to an event together when I was 6 months pg (he works with OW and I knew her) and she was polite but moody the whole day and barely spoke to me and I remember thinking how strange that was, now I know why.
I can't tell you how relieved I am that the majority confirm what I was hoping in that it wasn't my fault XH cheated due to the lack of sex.

Ivy sadly he was a really good hairdresser

No hairdresser is an asshole, me and ex 'd' p were having sex nearly every night, he still took my best mate home and shagged her. Makes no difference, some people just cheat

I havn't read all the replies so this maybe has already been said

Sounds like one hell of a guilty hairdresser to me

Aargh my big post above should have said that we weren't discussing sex, I told him about my marital situation and he made the statement about sex when I said about XH cheating. He asked me why we split, what else could I say? I didn't mention sex because I didn't even think about that in relation to my XH cheating. It was the hairdresser who said it, not me.

And I wanted to say Detective Math and Ringing and anyone else who has been cheated on, I'm so sorry you went through this.
Nobody deserves to be cheated on.
I always said to XH that if he wasn't happy never to cheat, just tell me and if we couldn't work it out we would split then he could do what he liked. I still believe that's the way to go. Its what I would have done.
Nobody needs to cheat.

Hairdresser sounds an arsehole. Arseholes arw heavily invested in to the campaign to make women feel like they'rw always to blame. It would suit the arseholes well, very well, if all women could be persuaded of this.

Sex isn't part of marriage vows. You are supposed to love and cherish each other till death do you part. Being nasty to you while you were pregnant and running around with OW does not sounds like he demonstrate love or that he cherished you.

Unless the hairdresser is AMAZING, and finding someone just as good would require to helicopter them in, I would not go back. How very rude.

Well, it was my turn to go to the hairdresser today. First time since just before I got married.

So obviously I had to explain to the bloke who does my hair.

Lets just say, his reaction was the total opposite of your hairdresser.

Maybe I shouldn't have told him. I have nothing to hide though. And people are still congratulating me on my marriage. I have to explain its over (before it truly began :( ).

You know what he said? It's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. I'm so sorry you have gone through this. You're a very brave woman.

That's what a normal person should say. Not what that dick said!

Detective and

Hairdresser is an eejit. I know of guys playing away while having an active sex life at home and like TheDeective even TTC.

My ex cheated and we ha sex 5 -7 times a week. Very good sex too. He was just a cheat

I would have left without paying and said "Well, if you can't keep your clients happy in your own salon, you can hardly blame them if they behave badly."

Some people cheat when they are having sex all the time.

Some people do cheat when they're lacking intimacy and sex at home but that's no excuse. There are other ways to tackle those issues, and a lot of them start with putting more into the relationship rather than getting sulky about what they're not getting out of it.

I don’t think this is a black and white issue.
I can imagine that temptation to cheat might be harder to resist if you are sexually frustrated (much like it’s harder to resist the biscuits and cake in the office when you are on a diet if you've not had breakfast), especially if you feel resentful towards your partner for not having sex.

My ex stopped having sex with me which is why we ultimately broke up even though our relationship otherwise brilliant. Being rejected sexually by your partner is absolutely horrible, especially if you have a high sex drive and I think that people who have never experienced it and have low sex drives sometimes don’t appreciate how hard it is.

I also think it would be very naïve to think that deciding to change your relationship from a sexual one to a non-sexual one without consulting your partner would have no other effects on the relationship.

Having said that – cheating is a choice. You can choose to cheat or choose not to.

And a lot of people cheat just because they can and the state of their relationship makes no difference.

Please promise me you didn't tip the misogynist twat?