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Original poster

I have a date! Met online - advice

65 replies

DatingYETagain · 16/02/2015 23:07

So I divorced 7 years ago, had a 2 year relationship in that time but other than that nothing! I gave online dating ago and I'm going on a date on wends!

We started messaging on thurs, spoke on phone Saturday, arranged a date for wends and have just exchanged the odd message since then!

I'm pretty out of touch with the whole dating thing, especially online dating! Can anyone offer advice or red flags I should look out for!

So far so good, no smutty messages, seems like a genuine nice guy, arranged a meet quickly in a mutual place rather than messaging for weeks.

Guess I really just don't know how to date sort of just feel into previous relationships never really done the whole dating thing!

OP posts:
Handywoman · 16/02/2015 23:16

Make sure a friend knows where and when you're going.

Have fun Smile

Karmacomes · 16/02/2015 23:42

If you fancy him, kiss him straight away! you can make conversation later :-D

SelfLoathing · 17/02/2015 00:09

With online dating, the first meeting isn't really a first date because you haven't met. It's more a date zero - to check each other out - works for you two. So try to relax. The first proper date is if you both like each other and he asks you out properly - having met you, seen you and is interested.

Also bear in mind that people doing on line dating have probably been doing it for a while and are seeing lots of people for "date zero" dates - so don't get over invested or make any assumptions as to whether he is not seeing anyone else.

Relax mostly and treat it as a "am I interested in him enough to go on a real date" screening from your point of view.

SelfLoathing · 17/02/2015 00:10
  • see if it works for you two.

oh and ignore Karmacomes advice. That's a quick way to a one night stand.

Karmacomes · 17/02/2015 09:11

Or a blossoming four month relationship, like the one I'm in, SelfLoathing Smile

Karmacomes · 17/02/2015 09:15

Relax and enjoy. You're two adults, who could end up feeling like teenagers and that's a great feeling. If not you could end up making a new friend which is also brilliant, or you might just not gel at all, but just see it as a night/day out and enjoy it as it comes , good luck and I hope it works out for you as it has for me, It can and does happen Smile

onceIloved · 17/02/2015 10:29

Make sure you take care of yourself - have plenty of condoms and things to hand just in case. Unlike some others I think that sleeping with someone on a first date can be a great ice-breaker & a nice early indicator of compatibility. No need to force it but no point waiting around for weeks if it feels right. Have fun!

jackydanny · 17/02/2015 10:36

Sex as an ice breaker Shock

onceIloved · 17/02/2015 10:53

It depends on the circumstances and the mood. You might be shocked and rule it out 100% on a first date, but that doesn't apply to each & every situation. Sometimes you meet someone & can't wait to get down to the business of luuuurve! Like I say, best be prepared & take plenty of jonnys just in case.

sebsmummy1 · 17/02/2015 10:57

Sounds like you are doing really well so far. As long as you meet in public and someone close knows where you are and is expecting to hear from you I'm sure it will be fine.

No low cut tops or short skirts, just keep it natural with a hint of sexy and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that he is lovely and fit Grin

DontKillMyVibe · 17/02/2015 10:59

Sex as an icebreaker Confused

SelfLoathing gave good advice. Other than that, just try to relax, don't be too nervous and have fun. Focus more on whether you like him rather than the other way round!

onceIloved · 17/02/2015 11:03

"No low cut tops or short skirts, just keep it natural"

That's the opposite of what is required... OP is meeting a MAN, right?

DontKillMyVibe · 17/02/2015 11:05

Wear whatever you feel comfy and confident in OP. I wore a short dress with black tights and flat ankle boots on a recent first date and shock, horror, he still wanted to see me again. I then had a bit of cleavage showing on our second date ShockGrin

pocketsaviour · 17/02/2015 11:07

I think SelfLoathing is spot on with the "date zero" stuff.

A kiss on the cheek is good greeting, but if someone went straight in for a snog before we'd even finished our first drinks, I'd make a quick exit, I have to say! whatever works for you though Smile

If I am meeting someone for the first time I let my sister know where I'm going and give her a link to his profile, and arrange to text her an "I'm fine" message about halfway through the date.

Goodbetterbest · 17/02/2015 11:15

Join the dating thread on here. Lots of lovely people sharing their experiences, all at different stages of OLD.

onceIloved · 17/02/2015 11:23

Which dating site, OP? Some are more 'hookup' than 'relationship'. The date zero advice is definitely spot on for the latter. I've heard of a site (read about it on here) called localslags.com and you wouldn't turn up for a zero date if you arranged to meet on that, not that I'm suggesting you did of course.

CaptainCunt · 17/02/2015 11:35

Do you have a tiger onesie you could wear?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 17/02/2015 11:50

I agree with Self treat this as a meet up not a date and see if you click. Do remember however much you like him he might still be chatting online to others. I wouldn't expect him to delete his profile instantly but if there are follow up dates then at some point I'd be upfront and mention,
"Btw I don't really do the multiple dating thing so I'm not chatting to other men or fixing up any dates while we see how things go!"
and see how he responds.

onceIloved · 17/02/2015 12:01

I only ask for exclusivity after a good few months really, or you risk frightening them right off.

SleeplessinUlanBator · 17/02/2015 13:43

Agree with self

Also, probably worth organising the first date as Sunday lunch or a few drinks after work, don’t go straight in for a Saturday night dinner out, nothing worse than being stuck at a table with someone with whom you have zero chemistry with.

Tell someone where you are going and drop them a text if you change venues etc

It is not uncommon with internet dating for people to have a few irons in the fire to begin with…don’t get upset if you see after you date he is still hopping online…..that does not mean he is not interested…..you are allowed to do the same, just don’t expect exclusivity after a few dates.

Buy your round or drinks and don’t slip off to the bathroom as the bill is being prepared

If he is keen and you are not, a simple ‘thanks but not thanks’ style text is considered good form rather than radio silence.

woowoo22 · 17/02/2015 20:45

Had a date zero today. TF it was date zero. Most excrutiating 15 mins ever (YES really, by minute 8 I was wondering how to extricate myself). He had very bad eye contact, had clearly lied about age, weight and height, and no chat
NIL.
Zero.
Wtf?!?!
Didn't ask anything about me. Looked like needed a good wash.

DID NOT SAY THANK YOU FOR THE COFFEE I BOUGHT Shock

Am giving up. Last guy was fine on dates 1 and 2 then his texts just got odder and odder and put me right off date 3.

SelfLoathing · 17/02/2015 21:15

Or a blossoming four month relationship, like the one I'm in, SelfLoathing

Hmmm yeah Karma hasn't your thread on it and how you can "crack on" to marriage just been deleted?

woowoo22 · 17/02/2015 21:54

Oooooh

handfulofcottonbuds · 17/02/2015 22:45

Tell more self

By the way, I dated a gorgeous man for a while, treated me like a lady (which I am) and he said he always suggests sleeping together on the first date as he would never have a relationship with a lady who would. I always remember that.

My opinion is to wear something you feel comfortable in, chat like he was a friend and smile! You will know within the first 30 minutes whether you should have a second date.

Have fun!

DontKillMyVibe · 18/02/2015 10:37

Handful eh? This man suggests sleeping together on a first date. If the woman says yes, he turns her down and never sees her again? Or does he sleep with them knowing he's never going to see them again? Charming.

If the woman says no she's passed some kind of test that she didn't even know she was taking.

All sounds a bit like setting a trap , premeditated and manipulative

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