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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

can somene explain to me what has just happened?

61 replies

onecattwocatredcatbluecat · 16/02/2015 21:35

DH and i in the kitchen. Lots of kids within earshot but not close. cooking dinner

Im wearing flipflops and dh is wearing huge heavy trainers.

He somehow manages to simultaneously kick my toes and stamp on them at the same time...total accident

he shouts 'im sorry im sorry'
i shout ...'oooophh '

he shouts 'i said im sorry'
i sob
he shouts again' i said im sorry'

i said 'just cos you have said sorry it doesnt take the pain away.''

honestly it was so painful i thought i would pass out.
He's gone upstairs in a huff and im sitting on the sofa with a bag of peas on my foot.

so how did i get to be the bad guy? I know he hates swearing, but i didnt!

Im really confused.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/02/2015 21:43

You're not the bad guy. I've no idea why he's in a huff but it doesn't seem very constructive. Did he offer to get the ice? Did he suggest A&E to check for fractures? You know... the kind of things normal, caring people would do if they'd caused someone an injury?

MelonBallersAreStrange · 16/02/2015 21:44

He's gone upstairs in a huff! Your foot is injured. He has to come down and take care of the children.

You imply that it would have been OK for him to have a strop and storm off if you had sworn. Um no.

Does he pull this shit often? What will you do now?

Original poster
onecattwocatredcatbluecat · 16/02/2015 21:47

I'm a CM so looking after the kids is totally MY job. They have all gone now, which is why im on here.

he just plated up his dinner and took it upstairs, leaving me to hobble around feeding the children

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/02/2015 21:50

So we've established he's a twat.... Is this normal behaviour from him or totally out of character?

Original poster
onecattwocatredcatbluecat · 16/02/2015 21:52

sadly its quite normal

OP posts:
Original poster
onecattwocatredcatbluecat · 16/02/2015 21:54

not often, but normal

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/02/2015 21:55

Which part is normal? Causing you accidental injuries or behaving oddly when you're upset or in pain...?

pocketsaviour · 16/02/2015 21:56

He took his dinner upstairs!!... That's some primo sulking right there. What a child.

Original poster
onecattwocatredcatbluecat · 16/02/2015 22:01

no he doesnt usually hurt me.

but he can be quite huffy when I dont live up to his standards

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 16/02/2015 22:03

He sounds like a right arse. Sorry. Totally unacceptable behaviour!

Handywoman · 16/02/2015 22:06

What a prize twat. I'm afraid I would go upstairs and demand that he behave like a grown up. You have enough kids on your hands, how pathetic!

IPeeInTheShowerOhYes · 16/02/2015 22:06

I can understand a little defensiveness maybe but if this is how he always acts and he can't see it's wrong then yes, he's an arse.

Original poster
onecattwocatredcatbluecat · 16/02/2015 22:16

to make it worse, our dd came in and asked me for something that was in my wardrobe ( couldnt tell you where but its in there somewhere)

so i said... 'i need to rest my foot ask your dad to get it for you.'

so she comes down and asks 'where about'

I said that i didnt know but it was in there somewhere

she came back down and said ' dad said does he have to unpack the whole wardrobe?

I said, 'i cant get it for you, you will have to do without.'

he s being a total arse... isnt he?

OP posts:
MrsWolowitz · 16/02/2015 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppySausage · 16/02/2015 22:26

I could have written your op a million times. Dp does this. When we were on hols he moved a pedal boat rudder an nearly took my toes off as I was climbing the slide. I screamed and he shouted 'god, I didn't mean to, sorry!' I cried and he pedalled off leaving me in the sea! My mum was there and I was mortified. Twattish behaviour. You need to talk to him

BalloonSlayer · 16/02/2015 22:27

It's hard when someone won't accept an apology.

I remember once bashing someone totally accidentally on the back of the foot in the supermarket with my trolley. It was the sort of bash I have had happen to me.

"Aaargh!!!" he said

"Oh, I'm so sorry" I said

"Aaaaaaaaargh!!!" he repeated looking absolute daggers at me.

"Sorry, I'm really sorry" I said again, not knowing what to do.

"Yeah so am I love" he replied, nastily.

I still think - what was I meant to do? OK this was a complete stranger so I couldn't look after him and fetch him ice, but the social expectation is that someone accepts that you are sorry and says something like "that's OK I know it was an accident" because, well, y'know, it was an accident.

But you say this is normal for him so maybe you should ignore me.

Original poster
onecattwocatredcatbluecat · 16/02/2015 22:29

hes on an early shift so he has already gone to bed.

I might sleep in the spare room tonight. he always said it would be over if we had seperate beds, but im just so angry with him right now

OP posts:
Original poster
onecattwocatredcatbluecat · 16/02/2015 22:32

ballon yes i see your point. but he nearly ripped my toes off!
In that split second when you are trying not to faint and swear infront of kids...

I accept it was an accident but i dont think he accepted that it hurt.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/02/2015 22:43

Does he get annoyed if you're unwell? Does he look after you when you have a cold?

KatelynB · 16/02/2015 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Linguini · 16/02/2015 22:59

Baloon, your take on the apology thing is relevant when dealing with a total stranger, but this is a partner getting into a sulk because he injured the op!
Even if he felt annoyed that she was in too much pain to say "no no it's fine don't worry about it" or whatever, you don't go into a stroppy sulk and shut yourself alone in a room over it.

I think this is one of those tip of the iceberg examples he sounds like he has form for being an unbearable man child.

What are you going to do op?

Linguini · 16/02/2015 23:02

Shock Poppy

Handywoman · 16/02/2015 23:13

I agree, I think this is probably the tip of an iceberg

SelfLoathing · 16/02/2015 23:40

but the social expectation is that someone accepts that you are sorry and says something like "that's OK I know it was an accident" because, well, y'know, it was an accident.

This in response to Balloonslayer's post above and not the OP.

I'm sorry but I really don't agree with this at all. You really have the wrong attitude.

Really what you are saying is that it's fine for you to be careless, not notice where you are going and hurt someone with your trolley - because if you say sorry it makes it alright. Sure accidents happen but the person who causes it needs to accept responsibility for it. And some trite "I'm sorry" doesn't always cut it; and no you don't have a right to a social expectation that someone says "Ok it's an accident". What if you pull out of a junction and accidentally knock over a pedestrian and render them paraplegic? "Oh I'm sorry". Yeah right. You should have been paying more attention to what you were doing in the first place and accept responsibility for it.

You sound so self entitled in your post. As does OPs husband.

Branleuse · 16/02/2015 23:45

saying sorry doesnt mean someone has to say " no that's fine, don't worry about it"

if you think it does then you've not got what sorry even means

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