Borderline personality disorder-please can someone give perspective on this? Awful situation.

[TotallyDrained]

Long story short, a friend of mine has diagnosed BPD and Asperger's. I didn't know about this until probably a few months ago, when she told me the full extent and that she was on meds etc. prior to knowing all this our friendship had been strained due to her consistently misunderstanding things i had said or done which lead to arguements. I've never argued with friends before this so found it really strange and that I just maybe rubbed her up the wrong way.

I don't know what I want, I guess I just feel like I walk on eggshells all the time and I feel so on edge like anything I say to her will tip her over. For example congratulating her on the birth of her son she told me to stop it and that I was making her feel anxious. There have been countless situations like this. I just feel utterly drained and depressed by it. I've done a lot of research into the disorder to understand it and to be careful in the way I approach her but I'm a bit feisty by nature so I've been told so could have been too blunt with her maybe?? She lives quite a chaotic life regarding different relationships and has fallen out with numerous other friends I know of. I don't know what I'm asking really, maybe for some words of advice or wisdom? Please be gentle

Listen everyone the advice here has been invaluable.

I think a pity friendship has not done either her nor I any favours at all. If anything it's built a great deal of frustration in me and I've basically snapped and know I can't do it anymore.
Sadly I'll be one in a line of people who has now decided to end the friendship with her, but I don't see any other option. I lead a stressful life as it is with my job and family and I don't think any of this is helping, as selfish as that sounds. I think she does play the victim a lot but I actually think many people do this with or without BPD, and if it's a natural trait of hers then I don't want to be around it. Maybe give it a few months and I can retain civil contact with her and ask how she is now and then, rather than an actual full on friendship. All I can say is, it must be incredibly difficult to have the diagnosis and feel like people refer to it all the time regarding any wrong you do or any way you come across. Like I said, many people who aren't BPD are extremely difficult to be around, and they choose to be like this whereas the BPD has no choice in the matter sometimes.
I've learnt a hell of a lot from this experience to be honest.

It's not selfish to persist with something that isn't helping. You sound as if you've been a lovely and generous friend.

Thanks for your kind words meerka x

I had a friend with BPD at university and ended the friendship (well, it went down in flames because I wanted to see a film instead of go out drinking...) after a couple of years. I liked and respected her but in the end I couldn't cope. Lots of giving and caring on my part, lots of rage on hers. The need she had was was too huge for me to ever meet, and she was miserable - but I couldn't change that and I couldn't stand meeting up not knowing whether I'd be treated like her best mate or the biggest cunt on the planet. It can get to be emotional abuse, and knowing where it comes from doesn't make it easier to endure.

I have MH diagnoses of my own and if someone was forever thinking the worse of me or getting annoyed with my symptoms, I really wouldn't want them to keep faking friendship through gritted teeth. How humiliating, to have friends who don't really want to see you but think they better had because no one else will...

My friend has BPD, is in her 30s but was only diagnosed a few years ago after many different diagnoses! She's very open about her condition and how it affects her, which helps me to help her if she needs it.

Can you have a conversation with her saying that you want to understand more about BPD and how it feels, what her trigger points are etc? Often if you can understand a condition from the other person's point of view, it allows you to see what behaviour is the condition and what behaviour is the person iyswim.

On the other hand, if this friendship is draining you and you feel unable to cope with it any more, there's no shame in walking away. You can't help anyone else unless you are in a position (mentally and emotionally) to do so.

Only you know if it is worth trying to keep this friendship and no-one should judge you, whatever your decision.