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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does my boyfriend actually love me?

78 replies

Doesheactuallylikeme · 14/02/2015 13:15

Bit of background. Bit long, sorry.

DP and I have been together 5 months. He and I were friends at work, he has a toddler DD with his ex. We started to get close when he and his ex were going through a tough time. She was jealous of the time he spent with me, but I didn't really care about that so I saw him more.
When they split up, I invited him to live with me. I live in a lovely expensive house which is quite out of the way, and as he doesn't drive I said I would drive him to and from work each day. We split all the bills exactly down the middle. I didn't want to be hanging around waiting though so I made him swap his shifts to that it was easier for me.
For the first few months we lived together I was still in regular contact with my ex, and was going out for meals with him texting, speaking every day, and he was visiting me at home whilst (now) DP was seeing his DD, but I didn't tell him that. Nothing ever happened with me and (now DP) despite spending all of our time together when he wasn't with DD. Not even a drunken kiss, despite me sitting on his lap a lot when I'm drunk. He doesn't really have any other friends apart from me, and we only ever hang out with his parents.
I'll be honest, I call the shots, for example I've made him walk home when he's refused to leave his ex's house at the time I wanted (his DD was only 4 months when he left so that's why he sees her for a couple of hours a week there) on Mother's Day I turned up an hour early to pick him up because I didn't want him spending any longer than he needed to there.
Last Summer, he and his ex started getting close again, spending more time together, and he told me they were sleeping together again etc so I decided the time was right for me to tell him I like him. We got together and have been together since. I told him I loved him after a month and he said it back. I still drive him everywhere but have told him he needs to learn to drive himself.
I have just found out that he said he would go out with work people tonight. The plans fell through so he is cooking me dinner but I still don't like the fact that he said he would go and hadn't planned anything in advance.

He said he loved me this morning but I'm not sure. What do you all think?
Thanks.

OP posts:
YeahDamon · 14/02/2015 13:52

He had an emotional affair with you while his wife struggled with a newborn. Nice chap.

You both sound revolting.

GoatsDoRoam · 14/02/2015 13:53

Look, something is clearly bothering you, OP, so why don't you start again and tell the story from your own point of view?

You are clearly not who you say you are. Try again, be honest, and you might get some usable advice.

AnyFucker · 14/02/2015 13:54

...alternatively, if this is just a wind up, go play elsewhere

Frankie2015 · 14/02/2015 13:54

This is some seriously controlling and scary behaviour your displaying because of you own insecurities. This relationship is toxic. End it now for both your sake

OydNeverDeclinesGin · 14/02/2015 13:56

Is this for real??!
You both sound immature and pretty foul actually.

PacificDogwood · 14/02/2015 13:57

Dysfunctional on so many levels.

Are you his ex with the baby DD?

Whoever you actually are in this scenario, I think you should make it a priority to be on your own for a while and address whatever issues you have.

youarekiddingme · 14/02/2015 13:58

You made him leave his DD an hour early because you didn't like the amount of time he was spending there?

LTPBA (leave the poor bastard alone!).

But your not then rent DP are you?

Honesty may get you supoort you need.

If you are the OP and the GF you need help for control issues.

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 14/02/2015 14:00

The timeline here has me vair confused.
Definitely reverse or a Hmm. oops sorry

Viviennemary · 14/02/2015 14:01

I don't think either of you come out of this very well. But still you both sound selfish so it might be better that you stay together rather than seek other partners. Saying you love somebody is quite easy. Showing it is a lot more difficult.

Emu1969 · 14/02/2015 14:02

From a bloke's perspective, I would run a mile. Faster than Roger Bannister. When a relationship has that many tactics before it begins, you're onto a sticky wicket.

Besides, he sounds a bit wet.

Original poster
Doesheactuallylikeme · 14/02/2015 14:03

OK, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm this person's family member. What I've put in the OP is all genuine, she ans I spoke earlier, and I'm using as close to her own words as I can remember. She's only 19 so that's why some of it sounds the way it does.
I didn't want to colour it with my own opinion so I've tried to write it from her point of view. Clearly not expecting a Booker prize any time soon.
I'm sorry for not being honest, please help me though. I thought that seeing anonymous advice might help.

OP posts:
lemisscared · 14/02/2015 14:04

i call reverse - either that or you are a cunt

lemisscared · 14/02/2015 14:05

ok so what do you want from the thread? its difficult with reverse threads especially when its obviously biased. how can we help

QueenMas · 14/02/2015 14:06

So my post was deleted for no reason, great.

There's nothing you can do, they both sound as bad as each other.

AnyFucker · 14/02/2015 14:07

Could you rewrite it but make it clear what the fuck it is about ?

GoatsDoRoam · 14/02/2015 14:07

If you are none of the three people in this story, then the only thing I can advise is: leave them to it.

You can limit how much time you spend with your relative, of course, if you find her behaviour distasteful. Or cut her off mid-flow if she starts telling you stuff you don't want to hear. And if you want to express your own feelings to her, go ahead.

But nothing you can do can actually influence any of their actions, so give up any notion that this is a situation you can control: you can't.

AnyFucker · 14/02/2015 14:07

and what exactly it is you want from this thread ?

Original poster
Doesheactuallylikeme · 14/02/2015 14:08

Basically I think I can see what's going to happen a mile off, so firstly I wanted opinions on whether I'm just overthinking it.
Secondly I'm really worried about her. She's pushed away all of her other friends, and if (when?!) it all goes wrong she'll have no one, plus be living in a house she can't afford on her own!
She was really upset earlier, i know she's not been very nice but I want to try and get her to see sense before it's too late.

OP posts:
Emu1969 · 14/02/2015 14:08

lol. What a mess. On all levels.

Original poster
Doesheactuallylikeme · 14/02/2015 14:08

Which I know is probably impossible by the way!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/02/2015 14:08

This is why reverse threads, pretend threads, 3rd/4th/5th person threads simply only succeed in pissing off respondents.

Original poster
Doesheactuallylikeme · 14/02/2015 14:09

I can see that now, don't worry I've definitely learnt my lesson.

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 14/02/2015 14:09

She's 19 living in an expensive house? With her parents? It's all completely disfunctional and she's being buggered around. What is it with womens' expectations?

AnyFucker · 14/02/2015 14:10

Ok, OP, fair play Thanks

GoatsDoRoam · 14/02/2015 14:10

You can't get her to see sense. She'll make her own mistakes and learn her own lessons.

You can say your piece if you want to. But her choices are her own and you cannot control them.