"The Rules"

[jessmay]

I just read this after being recommended y a friend, and as far as I can see the basic premise is to pretend not to be that available or interested and not to give away too much of yourself.

I'm reading it and can't help feeling like it's basically tricking a man with sexual desire into marrying you.

Is it just me?

Don't you want to just be yourself?

i have Men Love Bitches on Kindle but never read it!

I think the Rules is more about helping women with low self esteem who have a tendency to over obsess about relationships to fake high self esteem - more about fake it till you make it.

A woman with high self esteem would be naturally let inclined to accept poor treatment. She'd probably busy and actually out on a Friday and Saturday night and have a fairly full schedule so that booking her in advance would be almost necessary.

It's less about headfucking the man and more about trying to get women who may be inclined to over look poor treatment by a man to act in a way that would weed out those men naturally. In other words, a guy looking for a quick fuck on a Friday night is far more likely to be calling a woman on a Friday night on the off chance to see if she is free. If you are looking for a relationship, it's no bad thing to have a rule to weed out that guy.

Fair enough :) I hadn't really thought of it that way.

Exactly.
I pissed myself laughing at The Rules, there are some downright hilarious suggestions in the original version (something about act nonchalant the morning after sex and go about your usual business, do some sit-ups...?)

Superficial stuff aside however, they make a lot of sense.
And not just for dating, for everyone in your life.
Because the basic truth is, you can't change someone's behaviour, so don't try to force it.
The Rules isn't about pretending not to like someone or fucking with someone's head at all. The book actually tells you to show you're interested in people (if you are) and show you're pleased when they call (if you are) but also make sure you have a life so you don't end up obsessing.
Breathe deep, and take a step back. Life becomes so much easier.
Don't obsessively check people's profiles, it's the fastest route to madness. Or at the very least, indigestion. It's none of your concern. They either like you, or they dont.

I think they're a load of rubbish tbh. Or a good way to end up with the sort of bloke who's not much of a catch anyway!

I'm in a brilliant relationship with a lovely man who I sent the first message to, and asked on a date. It was the fact that I did part of the running that made him more attracted to me . He was looking for a relationship that was,a meeting of minds more than everything being down to the man because he's a man etc, and being fairly independent minded I was looking for something similar.

With the right person there's no need for game playing.

Agree with all those who say who wants to end up in a relationship that's reliant on the two of you playing games with each other and being manipulative?

I'm ancient and off the dating scene for good, but back in the day, the whole "hold out till the third date" thing made no sense even back then. I've had ONS that were just jolly good fun as ONS, ONS that led unexpectedly but delightfully to relationships, and players who were prepared to invest months in the pursuit of the notch on the bedpost only to disappear the next day. If he disappears the next day, this tells you about him, not your sexual morality (or supposed lack thereof).