The Brave Babes Battle Bus - The Wheels On This Bus Go Around And Around, In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

This is the brave babes bus, Gerald. He travels far and wide, to wherever he's needed to offer non judgemental support, advice and Opal Fruits!!

We can tell you about the kind of places that can help, your GP can be the first and easiest place to start, or you can look up you local community addiction centre, or even just come onto the thread and let it all out.

There are posters here who have been on the Bus from the start and those who have just joined us

It doesn't matter how long you've been here, the fact that you have taken that first amazing step in acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, things aren't quite right with your drinking is truly MASSIVE!!

This is a safe place for you to just be and to be as honest as you like, or just to talk.

We'll listen

And if you'd like to see our last thread, you can JUST HERE

Plus if you'd like to see where these threads all began, you can read all about that YOU CAN READ THIS VERY EMOTIONAL AND MOVING THREAD

See you soon,

Mouse xxx

Well done Get, doing something is way better than ignoring it and hoping it will go away. I know it's hard. Lots of people would just disappear and stop posting, you are dong so well x

With the Higher Power, it does not have to be religious, this bus could be your HP. It's just an acknowledgement that you cannot control it so you give it over to someone/something else. Stop trying to control the drink because you can't, that's a battle you will always lose, that sort of thing.

Are you scared of going to AA Get, what are your fears? Talk them over with us. I've never been and I've heard mixed reviews but it is surely worth a shot isn't it? Online is ok but I think real life people may be better to start with at least.

Did you get to read any of the original thread by JWN? She was in a very similar position and took all the support she could find which lead to this bus helping loads more people.

It's so worth a read: here

Here are some extracts from page two about AA, I am sure posters won't mind me c&ping them.

jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 09:39:45

'well, i got through the night without a drink, slept fairly well but still feel sick, sort of quesy hungover feeling - had another chat with dh this morning, he wants us to do more together, stuff that dosent involve drinking...'

'i have my AA meeting at 12.30, so am going to get my act together and try and look half decent.'

Add message | Report | Message poster llareggub Tue 01-Jun-10 10:17:45

'Just some practical advice: get some orange juice and some sweets in to keep your blood sugar levels up. Your body will be used to having the sugar from the alcohol so keep drinking the juice and eating the sweets. You will feel rubbish for a week or so, but it will get better.'

'Good luck with your meeting. My DH gets enormous strength from his meetings. Ask for some AA books while you are there, they are definitely worth a read, particularly in the early days of your sobriety.'

Add message | Report | Message poster Acinonyx Tue 01-Jun-10 10:35:34

'Two small things. If you start having trouble sleeping, I find herbal sleeping tablets very helpful (I use the Night Kalms for example).'

'Also, keep something reasonably tasty and harmless to keep sipping on. I buy a bunch of fresh limes and have one in fizzy water. I can't do just plain water and this is my favourite low-cal healthy tipple. Sometimes I have diet bitter lemon - just something tasty that's not water that I don't have to ration and can just sip at - you are used to putting glass to mouth now - it's a bit like the smoker's reflex. Find one that suits you.'

Add message | Report | Message poster Acinonyx Tue 01-Jun-10 10:37:04

'Good point though, that you do need to keep your blood sugar level OK. When it dips, you will really crave a drink.... then have juice and/or snack.'

Add message | Report | Message poster jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 10:44:41

'last night a made a list of all the positive things about my giving up the booze, reading it this morning has fired me up a bit more, am now washed dressed and make-up on, have put some washing on and am now about to tackle the hell hole that is my airing cupboard before i go out.'

'trying so hard not to wallow in self pity'

Add message | Report | Message poster owlets Tue 01-Jun-10 10:55:48

'Hi there,
I just want to wish you good luck. You have done so well in admitting your problem, and some excelent addvise has been given to you aswell.
I haven't had a drink in 2 weeks now. It was a combination of things that made me want to stop, but I really don't think I'd have been able to follow it through without the support I found on mumsnet, with the AA, and from my (also saintly!) husband.
I hope the meeting goes well today. I have to admit that I didn't 'get it' on the first meeting (7 meeting on, I'm still unsure exactly what I make of it) BUT, I have found it so useful in making me see the seriousness of my drinking problem. THe people i've met have been so kind to me and generous in their time and advise. PLEASE perservere with it even if you find it odd to start with.
Things will get better for you. I promise.
I will keep checking on here to see if you are ok.
All the best'

Add message | Report | Message poster jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 11:01:31

'I've been eating 3 very healthy meals a day in the last fortnight, but having treats during the day and in the evenings when i'd normally be at the wine. I've also been taking vit C and vit B supliments. In the first week I felt quite grotty (sort of fluey and achey), but now I am feeling so energised its unbelievable... like a different me! I'd reccommend it.
Also, I think making yourself feel good on the outside is very important too. Take long baths, wear nice clothes and undies, get a haircut, embrace the new life style!'

Add message | Report | Message poster jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 11:35:21

'thanks owlets, a'm going to my first meeting now [glup] wish me luck, i feel terrified'

Add message | Report | Message poster jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 15:46:59

'hi - back home now, well, it went really well, i'm so pleased i went, i will be going tomorow as well. i did kind of 'get it', i've always had a kind of faith, just a quiet one that dosent need a denomination iyswim, i think that will help alot.
i was really surprised though that the room was mainly women of my age sad, i'm not sure what i expected but it wasnt that'

Add message | Report | Message poster maryz Tue 01-Jun-10 16:03:04

'Well done. Now just stay steady - don't be too happy with how it's going or you may set yourself up for a fall if you know what I mean (a high followed by a low is no use to you at the moment, you just want to go along smoothly).

Slow and steady does it. Don't try to do too much, just think ahead one day at a time (or even one hour). Don't think past tomorrow's meeting. And don't try to do too much else. Look after yourself.'

Add message | Report | Message poster owlets Tue 01-Jun-10 16:21:44

'Well done, thats fantastic!
Keep in there, one day at a time... Its the only way.
Its going to get better, its going to get easier, but there will be downs as well as ups. If you do slip up, don't be scared to go back to AA. They have seen it all before!

Keep the list of positive things about not drinking with you and read it and add to it as much as you can. Thats what I do. Its been keeping me focused.

Keep up the good work! you should be proud of yourself. And so should your DH and DD!'

Add message | Report | Message poster MIFLAW Tue 01-Jun-10 18:09:56

'Go to AA, take the help and advice that is offered to you, keep it simple, keep coming back even if you fuck up.

It can get better, or it can get worse.

Perhaps for the first time in years, today you have a choice.

Please take it.'

Add message | Report | Message poster MIFLAW Tue 01-Jun-10 18:17:37

'Just keep at it, one day at a time. Expect to feel shit for a few days - perhaps for the first time in years, you are seeing a hangover through to the bitter end and it probably won't be fun. Still, unlike alcohol, a hangover never killed anyone, and nor did a sleepless night, a simple headache, too much chocolate, or too many thoughts, so just try to take them on the chin and take my word for it that they will soon be over and will not come back.

Marvellous news that you have a faith, btw, but if you don't, don't worry about it. Ditto the Steps. If and when you're ready, these things will sort themselves out. For now, get to meetings and stay away from the first drink, one day at a time. (Incidentally, when the pot comes round after the meeting, I used to put in a pound like most other people. Nowadays I put in what I would guess to be the price of a pint of bitter - in other words, the first drink. Helps me stay focussed on why I'm there. Just an idea.)'

Add message | Report | Message poster jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 18:21:38

'had a couple of hours sleep and feel much better - the evening is always a hard one for me, but, my intention is not to drink tonight.

i will finish my airing cupboard [its contents are currently in the hallway) cook me and dh some dinner then another early night for me.'

that is my choice for this evening.'

Rooting for you sober. Taking the steps towards change is so very hard.I am not being successful in the changes I need to make either. So much easier to drink and go under....please hang in there

Good morning and hello. Can I help aboard the bus? Have lurked on this s thread on and off and might have even posted before (under this name or an alias, can't remember ) but the time has come for me to take c leeds my alcohol head on. Potted history, social drinker, stopped when pregnant over 13 years ago, but had to move back in with my parents as DP and I had split when I was pregnant and I couldn't afford to live on my own as a jobless single parent. That's when the drinking every night started as my parents did it.Have had several episodes of cutting down dramatically and two more babies where I stuck to recommended pregnancy limits whilst PG and BFing, but it always creeps up on me again. Had a whole heap of shot going on in the last 12 years; diagnosed with coeliac disease when DS1 was a baby, relocated 250 miles away from my family and unexpectedlyost my dad two weeks later, had two successive miscarriages, one at 14 weeks that was traumatic, lost my mum to cancer when DD, 7, was a baby. Suffered crippling PND with her, through my unplanned pregnancy with DS2 and beyond, had to give up a successful career due to said depression, diagnosed with lupus, just coming to terms with managing that to find out I had grade 1 womb cancer and had a hysterectomy last year. Now undergoing testing for another genetic condition that two of my siblings have recently diagnosed with and my marriage is in tatters...

So that's all the reAsons why I use wine as a crutch, now the serious business of dealing with it. I have crept up to more than a bottle and a half a night and have been starting earlier and earlier, straight after work at 4.30 and lunchtime on Sundays. I've just given up the second job I had as my lupus keeps flaring up so money is going to be incredibly tight if I keep up this level of drinking.

I told my DH I was leaving him on Thursday as I couldnt see any future for us, but he has persuaded me that its just the alcohol talking and to give us another chance. It's through the last couple of days of pretty frank talking that have brought me to the decision that I need to stop completely. DH is a star and being incredibly supportive so I owe him this after all we've been through. There is nothing wrong with our relationship as such, just my being insecure and loathing myself; feeling fat and unattractive, low libido due to antidepressants and lupus meds, undercarriage issues due to forceps delivery of DS2,made worse by obesity and having no womb to hold thing up anymore and DH being old before his time. Add to that the stress of a pre-teen with suspected ASD and a 6 year old who gets up at 5.30 every day and life's a peach!

On the plus side I have recently started a new job as a childcare assistant in a children's centre and am hoping to do early years teacher training this year or next. Feeling shifty after a night on the wine doesn't make my job easy though so another reason to give up.

Blimey this is an essay and a half...and this is the potted version!!!

That's me in a nutshell. Not sure how I'm going to do this but do it I must. Too much to lose otherwise

Some weird typos in there! First time typing on a tablet!

Ok ok ok fine, I'm going to AA tonight

DH is covering bedtime. And he cried again.

Can I actually do this?

The thing about control is ringing a lot of bells. I think I have always been trying to prove I can control alcohol. I need to face up to the fact that I absolutely can't. I'm very happy now to put all the booze safely in Gerald's boot

Ringing the drink helpline now.

Welcome, Daisy!

Woo Hoo!!

Well done Get, you can do this.

Welcome to the bus Daisy, you have really been through the mill haven't you. Stick with us, there will be others along to chat soon x

ma when is the 'do' where you get to wear your gorgeous Shirley Bassey (ffs ) dress?

Welcome, Daisy
OMG, your post left me feeling seriously ungrateful. To say you have been to hell would be a fucking understatement.

Gosh, babes.

Well done, Sober. (And thank you for counting me as someone you 'know'. )
As far as the religious thing goes, try to see it all from a different pov. I grew up with so many religions in the family and almost all the adults were fucking shit. That left me pretty spiritual and completely un-religious.
Sort of like being very hungry and being served a plate with stuff you like and one big thing you don't. Eat what you like, say thank you. And hope for the best next time.
Although, my Na used to say trust in God to provide lunch; but plant a cabbage.
I fucking HATE cabbage.
(Now you know beside drinking, I EAT!)

Thanks GetSober and Fairenuff. I've been up half the night reading Beat the Booze and Allen Carr that I downloaded to my kindle months ago at my last give it up attempt. I never even read them

Today I can cope with.DH has poured away the half bottle of red left over from last night as well as a couple of bottles of gluten free beer. He's left the cooking sherry though. I don't think I'm that desperate.

He never drinks at home and only moderately on high days and holidays so I have his full support.

And khalisi didn't refresh before posting so I missed your welcome. I'm sending DH to the shops today. I don't trust myself near wine.

Welcome daisy
faire it is March 19th.
Atmosphere is weird here. Dh and I have completely disengaged but life is going on. He asked how dad was after my visit this morning, I asked him if he wanted coffee....its like the twilight zone. But I just texted him to ask him to get stock cubes for soup and by mistake I wrote "can I get stock cubes..." Instead of "can you get stock cubes". He came back with " I hope thats a typo not sarcasm" wtf? I dont get it....

Just popping back to check on Sober. I'm glad you're doing things, sweetheart. They will feel very scary, but each time you manage to do something, you have another resource to draw on next time you need it. Try not to think about the rest of your life, just think about today.

Welcome aboard, Daisy. I can barely begin to imagine how you have got through the last few years, but you must have had a real well of strength somewhere. Now you need to replenish it, and you can only do that sober, and with support. This bus is the most amazing place, full of gorgeous, generous, strong, silly, loving, women and it has been so, so good to be here.

Khalisi, you powerhouse of awesomeness, what are you doing with your weekend?

ma I think he thinks this will blow over like before. He doesn't realise that it's over and thinks he can just continue a 'spat' until one or the other of you can't be bothered to keep it up. He sounds like a taker. He gives you nothing, no emotional support, no friendly ear, no kindly shoulder, he just takes and takes. What is wrong with the man, can't he see that you are so unhappy?

At least it shouldn't come as a surprise to him when you tell him you've had enough. I think it would be easier now to have that talk and say, 'We're not happy together are we, do you think we should start talking about separating?' What would he say to that, do you think?

Awww, Sweet
Just finished working. Yes, that is just how this babe rolls when she's not drunk!
Now I'm going to take all the worries on Gerald today (up to this point) and go for a run.
Still have to do groceries but first things first.
So, my darling Babes. Sports bras on. Running/walking shoes. Warm clothing.
Drink some water.
Let's do this!
(oh maybe some panties too. Don't want to be found commando should we pass out in the forest! )

In case I don't say this today. I love you guys. You give me so much strength I wish I could give you just a drop of what you give me.
Thank you.

faireI dont know what he would say. We have been to the brink before and he agreed for one night and then spent all the next morning crying and pleading with me not to go. So I didn't.
This time, when it comes, there will be no stepping back.
I think he will fall apart though.

ma Things fall apart. He will just have to deal with it. You also just have one shot at this thing called life.
So tough fucking luck for him; when the end comes.
Admittedly I only spent one and a half years with ex-WB, but I really should have dumped his ass after two months. Instead of feeling sorry for him.
Look at the shit I now have to deal with because of that.

I had a ha-ha moment on my run. Next time I feel worthless, I will remember the night I almost drank because one of my good friends was so threatened by me that she didn't want me to meet someone she likes. I am not the sort to get on with friends's men. So it wasn't that sort of thing.
No, it really is not good. BUT.
It must surely mean that I must have something really good/sexy/funny/what the feck ever, for her to feel threatened.

Now I just have to figure out where and how to find that woman!

Your welcomes have made me feel all warm and fuzzy I suppose I must be strong; I was strong. When DS1 was little, I was working full time, a single parent, commuting for almost three hours each day and managed to do job hunting for a job in another city, organise a wedding in my home town with DP already in the other city, make all the invitations and favours and orders of service etc...

I can't imagine how I ever coped with it all as I feel so battered and bruised. I used to do all my own decorating and DIY as well. Now I come over all simpering a ngirly and want DH to do it. But he doesn't so the house is full of half completed projects that I start but can never muster the energy to finish.

Been catching up on the previous threads and all of you on here past and present are pretty amazing women. I'm glad to be a part of it.

One thing I've been worried about though is the psychological vs physical addiction. Is drinking a bottle and a half of red wine a night enough to give you a physical addiction? Am I going to have horrible withdrawals? I'm already starting to feel twitchy, as by this time at the weekend I would have opened a botlle of red by now. We have been learning Origami this afternoon though; it's keeping my hands busy. DH has done the shopping and bought me loads of sparkly mineral water and cordials, and some nice herbal teas. I can't think what I was thinking when I said I wanted to leave Probably cought in the mindset that I am so disgusting that I didn't deserve him. It's going to take a lot to change that.

Daisy Don't beat yourself up about that. He is there. That is all that matters.
I wanted to say baby should come on!
Today you two kept me going on my run! Sweet, the silly milly, you was looking at all the flowers already out in the forest!
obrigada's head was bobbing up and down as Sweet was explaining them!
(God, I must look and sound really crazy talking to you all when running. Especially when its tough and I want to give up and cry and feel all sorry for myself!)
I don't know about the physical thing so much. I was just explaing to DD2 that for me, I like alcohol. And want it to be a 'normal' part of my life and not a dependency. And I'm aware how easy it is for women like myself to silently drink ourselves to rehab. I think anyway I'm not an alcoholic (?!?). But I can binge. That is my big problem, I think. The first time I've said that.
But I also have to say that since being on this bus I have not binged once. I did get tipsy once or twice but nothing like finishing two bottles and getting really shit faced. (I think).

I'm seriously thinking about going into the next big city to go see a jazz concert and just be pretty and sexy and all that.

But I don't know if I trust myself.

daisy you will probably find it very hard to sleep for the first few nights, without the drowsy effect of alcohol thus you will del ratty and headachy in the morning.

a lot of thinking, there.
Sorry.

Khalisi, I chatter to myself when I walk, and I've also been known to clamber into alsorts of positions to look at plants! You should definitely, get yourself to that jazz club, we used to have a local pub that always had live jazz with Sunday lunch. Fab. And whilst you're being pretty and sexy, don't forget sophisticated.

I have managed to get some fence painting done today, and all the prep is done for the gate next week. Puss is now my companion in the garden so at least I can pretend it's her I'm talking to!

Daisy as Ma said, sleep will be the main thing you notice to begin with, though once it settles down, AF sleep is the best. And you'll probably get some spots as your body processes all of those toxins, but then after a week or so, those will clear up, and you'll start to glow. I drank at least a bottle a night for a fair few years, and haven't had any physical withdrawal apart from craving sweets. I recognise everything you say about unfinished projects, I'm 52 days AF and find getting to the end of a job much easier now, I just find I don't run out of energy, and I care!

Ma you have to make yourself the priority .

I have some amitryptiline for my lupus that zonk me out pretty soon after taking them. I don't take them very often, as I used to work late into the evenings and they made me feel too woozy next day. I am planning on taking one at 8pm and going straight to bed.

I've been having trouble sleeping recently anyway, booze or no booze, so I'm kind of used to that.

Lost my rag with DH and the DC when I was cooking tea. I would normnally have a glass of wine in the go, so I'm tetchy as it's wine time and I don;t have any. DH is also getting really frisky and amorous. I know I said I wouldn't leave but I really don't feel ready for him pawing all over me. Not sure he understands that and me saying I would stay was an invitation....

Sorry for being all me me me, but there's a lot rattling around inside my little alcohol free brain today.

I'm envious of your running Khalisi. I would love to get back to regular exercise, but my lupus and bladder issues mean it's not really possible at the moment. I'm sure it will get easier when I get some weight off. I'm hoping it'll just drop off me. Blinkered maybe?

Hi to SweetLathyrus and dementedma as well :) I've seen some of your names around MN over the years. Mouseface I know from another thread, can't remember which one though; I've not been on MN much recently so it may have been years ago!!

Daisy don't worry for a second about focusing on yourself - it's what you need to do. Crack on! I do the same myself, and no one seems to mind I do a lot more "giving back" on other mn threads than I do on this one, I tell myself it all evens out in the end.

I have some sympathy with your DH - I imagine he is looking for affection, support, validation, reassurance. He may be feeling quite insecure atm. Can understand you not wanting to get physical right now, though. You may need to tell him directly (if you haven't already) and give him the reassurance he's looking for, but explain that you don't feel ready for anything more just yet.

I'm off to AA at 7pm. I'll report back here afterwards. Rather nervous and not sure what to expect. On a practical note, does anyone know roughly how long it's likely to last? DH says he'll wait up for me but he's ill, so I want to tell him firmly to go to bed if it's going to be hours and hours.

Ps I'm glad it's not just me who talks to myself - sometimes DH catches me and looks at me as if I'm being really strange, for some reason. Can't imagine why.

OMG, daisy! I couldn't stop laughing for a moment!
Sorry! My last post I actually wrote something about what might help you sleep and then thought, oh god, K, that is gross and she said she doesn't feel like it! .
(Single lady here so ummm, have to take things in my own hands, literally ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Oh. Excuse the pun!).

Then you come back and say your DH is frisky!!! Sorry, there it goes again!