The Brave Babes Battle Bus - The Wheels On This Bus Go Around And Around, In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

This is the brave babes bus, Gerald. He travels far and wide, to wherever he's needed to offer non judgemental support, advice and Opal Fruits!!

We can tell you about the kind of places that can help, your GP can be the first and easiest place to start, or you can look up you local community addiction centre, or even just come onto the thread and let it all out.

There are posters here who have been on the Bus from the start and those who have just joined us

It doesn't matter how long you've been here, the fact that you have taken that first amazing step in acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, things aren't quite right with your drinking is truly MASSIVE!!

This is a safe place for you to just be and to be as honest as you like, or just to talk.

We'll listen

And if you'd like to see our last thread, you can JUST HERE

Plus if you'd like to see where these threads all began, you can read all about that YOU CAN READ THIS VERY EMOTIONAL AND MOVING THREAD

See you soon,

Mouse xxx

Ma, I hope, as Baby suggests, that you and your dad will get a bit more support in working out what is best for him and you.

Thanks all. They are keeping him in so will go up tonight assuming I ever get my car back. Still in the garage waiting for MoT.
baby sounds like you have a lot on. I've done the sleeping on the couch thing due to snoring so I understand how tiring and resentful it makes you. Well done you for being resolute though.

mouse you must be bursting with pride at your wee man's achievements! He is such a star (and so are you for getting him there)

ma how are you doing lovely?

Where the F is wry

babyj you sound worn out, no wonder especially if it's you that has to deal with it every day; its all very well for your DH to say you're too soft but I wonder how he'd cope 24/7 ? Not just for a few days or weeks, but for years Hope you have some time for yourself

mouse lovely to see you posting, and what lovely news about nemo - so much due to you and your patience with him, and of course to your belief in him and your determination to get things right FOR HIM. I bet that no galss of vodka tastes as sweet as the taste of his success.

You wrote about 'false friends', and I guess that posting on this thread makes us trust humanity and goodness and kindly loving support. Then unfortunately that doesn't turn out to be everywhere and we get a smack round the chops.

I had a quick look at the first couple of threads, when I began posting, and I notice that even though many of the names have changed (except for a few of us still hanging on in here - isindie, I AM looking at you ), the thing that remains constant is the outstanding support, the humour, the lack of judgement, and the constancy of knowing that someone, somewhere will reply with kindness.

ma you need to be brutally honest with the hospital staff. Document your Dad's recent 'incidents' and get them to put it in his file. Repeat, and repeat, and repeat to every member of staff (the handovers don't always cover really important background information - they say "he had a good night and is looking better" and ignore the fact that he has gone rapidly downhill in a few weeks and there's obviously something big going on.)

And I repeat, don't let them send him home with all the load resting on your shoulders - you are burdened enough. Tell them his house isn't suitable, tell them he need an OT assessment of his home. I know that there is pressure on the system, but we all pay our taxes so that people like your Dad can get the care they need (and so that you can continue on in your life, paying your taxes and not falling on your knees).

Baby I know it can feel dull and uninspiring, but you are doing so well. Each day without a drink is another success, and like the crocuses and daffodils springing into life, little daily signs of progress and life xx

Thanks Venus . they dont seem to have done any of the tests they were going to do -brain scan, liver function etc. Now they are talking about physiotherapy and an enhanced care package at home.He is on the ward but thinks he is at home, talking about carpets and complaining about all the people in his house. He can't possibly be sent home like that!

ma well if you just refuse to take him home until you're happy with the care package, what can they do? They're hardly going to pop him in a taxi, clutching his meds in one hand and his front door key in his other...

Can we refuse to take him home? If they say he is to be discharged, can we refuse to come and get him?
Where is Nurse wry when we need her?

I don't see why not, although I'm pretty sure they would try and guilt-trip you into it. Maybe if you write down beforehand what you need essentially to happen - so you are clear in your mind, and you can refer back to it?

EG. he's not coming out until he's been tested for x,y,z (as an inpatient, not out patient) or until he's been evaluated by physio

EG. he's not coming out until AFTER services in place (not 'it will be sorted as soon as he's out' etc)

my stress is nothing compared to yours but am really fighting off a bottle of wine tonight - luckily it's red which I don't drink, though god knows I am tempted to give it go.

Can I go on about it? You don't have to read - I know it's self-indulgent and whiny - it just helps me to write it down sometimes. Apart from the ongoing drama that is a soon-to-be-teenage girl, I'm just so annoyed at work. Well, not the work but some of the people! Dammit I wish I could find a decent CBT app, it really helps me but I sold my Kindle and can't find anything for iPad.

Okay so maybe bitchy colleague wasn't trying to be aggressive but in fact gets defensive if she believes I'm accusing her of something (I wasn't, but I think she's quite touchy) and maybe her email wasn't finger-pointing but just trying to cover herself because she worries that she's not good enough.

The other thing - this is so silly, don't laugh - we have a new boss and everyone is trying to be chatty and get on with him and I just CAN'T. I can make small-talk about the weather or whatever for about 5 minutes but then just dry up. Today I felt acutely aware that he was being friendly and doing the chit-chat thing and

aliasjoey I once worked in a high pressure job and my recollection of a particularly important meeting was that my colleague was bright and chatty and articulate and knowledgeable, whilst I was tongue-tied, morose and dim-witted. A few months later she recalled the same meeting and cringed because she thought she'd wittered on inanely with a load of gob shite while I looked serene and thoughtful and only spoke when I had something wise to say

Maybe that's how your new boss felt this morning xx

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Baby - You just made me cry!! I don't 'do' crying but the nice things that you said, about when you grow up etc...... wow. I feel honoured to have 'real' friends like YOU who I've known for years and who are genuine and do care about me, my son and I..... (as the song kinda goes!)

Re your 4 yr old DD keeping your teen awake, we fight that exact same battle night after night after night too! DD is at the end of her GCSE's and has worked so damned hard that she is due to get mostly A*, As and Bs, which is fantastic compared to my own academic background......

I was too interested in boys and money so did school, college, then got independant. Car, flat, job.

The thing is Baby that because you want to sleep, you all need to sleep, crave it and know the consequences of her, your DD not getting the sleep for her studies, you feel bad and a failure.

Why is mini you not sleeping?

Is she teething with her molars? Nursery? Is she at school in reception and things are getting to her?

Feel free to PM me in more depth, I'm getting quite good at the whole 'well, it could be this' kind of comments these days, almost 6 years in!!

You must be emotionally drained sweetheart and I feel for you, I really do. For now, can you do whatever is needed to get her to sleep so that the rest of the house can also?

When Nemo is bad, he gets in bed with me so that the whole house can sleep. Simple. Yet making a rod for our back. We know that. But when you are past the ability to soothe, past the ability to compromise, to promise this and that, past the point of no return in a freezing cold house at 2.30 am....... then you need to do what you have to do sweetie. xxxx You know where I am. xxxx

Ma - shit, I'm so sorry to read your post One day, you'll get your rainbow, one day Ma xxx

Venus - when I said about 'false friends' it was because yet again, I felt duped into letting people into my life who I thought I could trust and build a friendship with, one of whom had lost her son, and DH so knew how loss feels...... I was wrong.

Which brings me onto Sunday. I have sent a card to my Dad to take to the Crem to place amongst the flowers where my darling, wonderful, lovely Mum rests. It's one I never knew existed, the card I mean. Just for Mother's Day and for the very purpose of saying that your loss is one of such grief and sorrow.

So, I also got Mum a card to put up next to her photo's and I'll call my wonderful Dad too, I know that he'll find it hard, ever so hard to get through Sunday because to so many people, my Mum was theirs too!

She had such a HUGE heart and loved to be helpful in any way, she'd give you her last piece of food if you had nothing. I miss her. I miss her so much but feel her all of the time.

Nemo misses her too. And he tells me. DD came with me to the Crem last time, she was so brave. So strong. I love her way, her look at life, her take on the shit that she faces each day..... hormones, boys, school work, etc.... I'm so proud of her. :)

Anyway - Smallfox, sweet etc - thank you for your kind words too and everyone else too, too many to remember. But my nails are dry so bed it is for me.

Night night lovely darling babes, back soon :) xxx

Afternoon babes, just bumping the thread in case anyone needs it, it was lost on the 2nd page x

Quiet on here.
Where is everyone?

Hello ma how are you doing?

I'm going to award myself a shiny gold star because I almost bought some wine but didn't. And it's been a long week, annoying work colleagues, chaotic teenage homework /exams and last night I had one of those night terrors (usually get those when I'm stressed)

Took my wallet with me to walk the dog - and went straight past the shop without buying anything I probably will tomorrow though, but at least I'll try and limit it to small bottles.

Where are all the Babes tonight?

Well done joey
I've had a couple of glasses but that's it. Been a shit of a week.
Dad still in hospital.
Where is wry. Is she ok?

It has been a shit week, hasn't it? I'm trying to count my blessings, but they're mostly "managed not to kill DD" "didn't burst into tears at work" etc, which is kind of scraping the barrel...

Did you manage to get your car back?

I haven't heard from wry at all, in fact we seem to be missing a few Babes hopefully we will see people (and puppy!) tomorrow

Hi guys

Dh hasn't been back since The Revelation. Well he has been physically, he has collected the DCs and taken them to school, but he hasn't been near me/has slept apart, and now it's a friday with no commitments tomorrow he is staying with a friend.

I feel ridiculously indignant. It is indignant, he never signed on to babysit a nasty alcoholic who can't walk. And the best thing for the DCs may well to have two lives which are separated.

But I am still pissed off. Something really horrible is under the alcohol surface and I am not sure I want to know what it is.

Hey crutched it may well be that there is something below the surface and you have used alcohol to avoid dealing with it. I totally understand that one!!! This current situation maybe the catalyst for a change which is long overdue. At some point, you and dh need to have the talk. I can give you this advice because I'm not using it!

Just got m car back. £416 for the MoT plus the £100 fine for forgetting it in the first place. Happy Saturday everyone.

Hello Babes,
Sorry I was AWOL. The sore throat has turned into horrible coldy virus. DH has been really poorly, I've been dragging my carcass around pretending I was ok but I just haven't had the energy for anything apart from keeping Pup amused. Pup is still snuggly and gorgeous, and growing at a quite amaxing rate.

Sorry so many Babes are having tough times.

Hello babes - is everyone going through a quiet patch? Or all busy? Whatever is going on - drinking, not drinking, struggling, soaring - come out from your hiding places......

crutched is it something that feels horrible in you, or something horrible in your relationship? either way alcohol was never going to cure it or help it. A few drinks may blur the edges, but only in our eyes and head, not in reality. How long till you're mobile again?

ma I hope that your dad is doing ok, and that this spell in hospital is a necessary and helpful step for you all. I remember when my dad was in hospital the straw that broke the camels back for me was having to bring his laundry home to wash, and then return. In the end I went to all the local charity shops and bought every pair of pjs that I could. We ended up with about 14 pairs - but it meant that there was always a clean pair and I didn't have to come home every night a face the battle of washing and drying his clothes ready for the next day. I bet your friends are all asking if there's anything they can do to help - well going on the hunt for pyjamas would be a good task to set to someone else.

Ooh hello sweet, I imagine that pup is the best recovery medicine there is.

Venus he was in a gown today, even though we took clean PJs in and they are in a cupboard. His dirty ones were in a knotted bag. I could smell them so didn't even take the bag home, just dumped it in a bin.
He won't be coming how again I think. We just need to sort out where he goes next.

oh ma hard choices for you is your sister around/supportive ?

She's in London but being as supportive as possible.
She has power of attorney so will have to come up and sort things out.