The Brave Babes Battle Bus - The Wheels On This Bus Go Around And Around, In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

This is the brave babes bus, Gerald. He travels far and wide, to wherever he's needed to offer non judgemental support, advice and Opal Fruits!!

We can tell you about the kind of places that can help, your GP can be the first and easiest place to start, or you can look up you local community addiction centre, or even just come onto the thread and let it all out.

There are posters here who have been on the Bus from the start and those who have just joined us

It doesn't matter how long you've been here, the fact that you have taken that first amazing step in acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, things aren't quite right with your drinking is truly MASSIVE!!

This is a safe place for you to just be and to be as honest as you like, or just to talk.

We'll listen

And if you'd like to see our last thread, you can JUST HERE

Plus if you'd like to see where these threads all began, you can read all about that YOU CAN READ THIS VERY EMOTIONAL AND MOVING THREAD

See you soon,

Mouse xxx

Oh you lovely lot

I did the kniting night. And had a couple of glasses of wine.
Yesterday...no wine.
Today..Tuesdays are always stressful at work. I was fine butiforgot my online shop so had to go tonight or lose Dhs 15% discount day (he works in the HO of a major retailer) and the wine fell into the trolley. I've had a couple of gasses.then logged on here and feel humbed and ashamed.
In my defence I'm reading Allen Carr and he says don't stop till you get to the end of the book and I'm only 60% of the way through. I have massively cut down though.
Other r than that I'm ok. DH came over all I'll support you and I had to remind him that our issues remain regardless of my alcohol status and that I won't let him paper over them.
I'll try and keep updated. I can do this. Allen Carr is helping enormously.

Well done daisy you are on the right track x. Stick with us x

Yes, well done Daisy - hang in there, and good luck with Allan Carr. Ma, Hope, hope things are feeling a bit more bearable this morning.

I have come over all peculiar, and following on from joining the gym on Mon and buying kit yesterday I have now actually BEEN to the gym. I was so proud of having got there that I rather forgot I would actually have to do anything active on arrival. So, I have had my induction, forgotten instantly which scary machine is supposed to do what or how, and then left again. But before all that I did, which I still don't quite believe, go swimming, outside in the lido at the gym, at 8am. The lido is massive and deep, so having embarked on a VERY chilly length I couldn't then stop en route - only managed 10 lengths before I had to escape to avoid turning into something from Frozen, but for the first time in many, many years I emerged feeling like i might possibly have been about to encounter the mythical thing called an endorphin.

Day 56. Who knew sobriety might actually provoke a complete character change? Surely there is no risk I might actually one day start to like exercise??

Waves to all.

Small, love your post this morning, I actually laughed out load reading it

Morning babes x

Hi babes,

small your post made me laugh out loud too, you have a very comical way with you and I'm so glad you enjoyed your first session.

I rejoined SW yest and have gained a stone since my last weigh In so I have 2 and a half stones to lose to get to my goal. I would normally be disgusted with myself and full of remorse and self loathing but I think I've done enough of that for a lifetime. It's a challenge and one I'm ready for, we can embrace this whole new world together. Your posts are amazing so keep em coming and I hope you get a few "multiple" endorphins.

Lots of hugs to everyone, keep on keeping on xxxxx

Yay, baby that's so cool - yep, let's see it as a challenge rather than an excuse to dissolve in a bucket of Pinot Grigio in a fit of self-disgust. Mind you, only 2.5 stone you say? Bah, lightweight (literally) - I'll raise you to 4 stone...eek . Look forward to supporting each other along the way xx

Who's losing 4 stone? Can I have some of your willpower please?

Hope, I am going/intending/hoping/need to lose 4 stone (largely by staring balefully at the gym). However, it should be made clear that I have not actually lost any of it yet. But, as sip my yukky green yummy lunchtime Nutribullet concoction, I am feeling quietly positive that I can get on track. Certainly it seems less of an overwhelming prospect without alcohol to 'help' me along the way.

I usually drink less when I diet and exercise. It's like a house of cards with me though, if one pillar goes, they all do. So not even going to the gym to stare at the moment! Let alone exercise. However going off to buy a healthy low carbohydrate lunch now. tiny steps...

I do it one lb at a time. I try to get it off and keep it off. Then I work on the next one. I'm in it for the long haul. Just keeping an eye on those calories is all I need to do. I can have the odd treat, just not every day or every week. If I don't lose weight one week, I don't care, as long as I can maintain I am fine. Usually after three or so days without change a pound will suddenly drop off. Go figure

Anyway, it seems to work for me so I'm sticking to it. Another exercise-phobe here so it's that extra bit harder to force myself to the gym or a class.

"Multiple endorphins", now they sound a bit rude

I am not remotely strong. If I was I wouldn't be parked up in lay bys crying, then going home and avoiding the conversation...
Can't remember who asked but yes, Ds had been doing much better and made friends but has missed school two days this week. Was back today.
We did get the funding in work but can't draw it down until end of April/May which could be too late.

Big big hugs to Ma. You are going through so much. I wish I could help. We are all thinking of you and even though you don't believe it you are SO strong, to have reached the place you have - you are not avoiding the conversation, you are just not ready to have it yet: it is not that long since you reached your in principle decision and going straight into implementing it in one fell swoop, well that's just too much. And if a lay-by is the only place to get some space to yourself then why not?

The gym has gone to my head even more than I'd thought - I have become a person who watches the People's Strictly, rather than Wolf Hall. And cries. What is happening to me?

Quiet bus tonight. Hope everyone is ok?

Morning All

Sorry I've been AWOL for a few days, I was feeling very low. Binge watched three seasons of the Walking Dead, slept, and let the housework pile up

But then Faire and Small started talking about 'multiple endorphins' I thought that's what I need! Not enough to go to the gym though! But I'm with you Faire, one lb at a time - I'm down by 7lbs now, which is really showing, and MFP seems to have trained me out of gratuitous snacking.

So, I'm giving myself a stern talking to about getting off my arse today. But at least I haven't drunk?drank?drinked? Well whatever, not drinking seems normal-ish now; in fact, I find it a bit weird that I drank EVERY day.

Have a good day everyone.

Good morning, darling Babes!

I just browsed and want to say the the babes exercising, keep it up! Last night's running was really hard again because it was a much faster pace and I felt like crying but I must say after I felt really proud.
And I still have to feel like a drink after a run!

Keep on keeping on, babes (to quote baby!)

xxx

Morning babes

khalisi you started all these keep fit shenanigans with your running and as you are the bus "hottie" we all want to be you!!!! Seriously your doing so well and as your working so hard at your running I'm sure you don't want to put poison in the form of alcohol into that foxy bod of yours!!! Love your posts girls, you rock xxx

ma I really hate that all this awful pressure is firing straight at you, I remember being at the point your at now in my marriage and it was the loneliest time of my life. I am sending you sincere and heartfelt hugs, this too shall come to pass, good time lie ahead lovely lady xxx

sweet it was I who suggested the possibility of "multiple endorphins", come join us in the search for these wondrous things!!!

Seriously I'm sorry you've felt low, it's shit isn't it?? well done on not drinking though, that's impressive and shows how far you've come, good job babe xxx

Have a great day my lovely sisters in arms, it's much easier following my SW plan knowing you guys are fighting the flab with me, strength in numbers. The only way is down (in weight obviously) xxx

Morning babes, will join you in the new theme of getting fit, feeling a bit low these days with no real reason, just in a kind of "what's the point way". This too will pass.

Baby I should read more carefully shouldn't i!

Right, manage to do some washing polish and dust downstairs and vacuum everywhere except the pit of doom (aka DS room). So, that feels like an achievement. It's pouring down now, but after lunch I am going to get gardening supplies in readiness for a dry weekend. .

Puss was getting a bit manic being indoors, so I let her out to try the rain. She really enjoyed playing with the water coming out of a down pipe, but it will take her all afternoon to get the rest of herself clean. .

Baby I was trying (stupidly) to explain endorphins to my 4yo - she listened carefully and then said brightly 'so they are really fast dolphins then'. Which is an image I quite like and I will look for the speedy dolphins next time I go swimming. Not sure I am up to encountering a whole multiple school of them in the local pool, though!

Small, brilliant image.

Just checked my app, because I get lost counting these days! I am on day 57 (you too Small?) and £683.

I used to just sink into a bottle every night, I have no idea how I managed to keep going and got anything done. I was getting old before my time, and fat. I'm still a bit of a basket case, but at least I'm in control of it now.

DH and I are out tomorrow night, with a big group of neighbours, and I will be driving, no regrets, no need to lie n and recuperate on Saturday, and we can leave when ever we like if the band are crap!

Yep, me too Sweet. Like you, I slightly forget to check now and certainly can't work it out on my fingers, but my trusty app confirms 57.823 days and counting.

I think you and I are in a very similar place, by the sound of it. I look back in bafflement at my 1+ bottle per day habit - it feels extraordinary that this is what I did as a matter of course for nearly two decades, pregnancies aside. I can't right now imagine being that person - but I know, so very clearly, that it could all come tumbling down and I could be back in that same dreary, awful groove tomorrow. It is such a fine line and the WW is a wily beastie.

I feel blessed and so lucky that touch wood, for no particular reason, it seems to be sticking for now (re-reading that, I really hope that my posts at the moment don't sound smug, that would be awful - I feel very, very humble right now and can't bear the thought that I might come over as boastful). I am learning a lot about myself. I realise that life does get lived in shades of grey (not those ones) and that I will be bored and restless and a bit/lot down from time to time, and that is just normal. I think I had forgotten normal.

I don't think it was on this thread but I did read somewhere that quite a few women really start to address these issues in their mid-40s - which makes total sense. For me, it was a realisation that statistically I am only half way through my (likely, touch wood) projected life span, but that the way I was living that life meant that I would inevitably not make it that far, and that the latter part of my existence would be a physical and mental misery. I had a really clear, visceral vision of that, and it has helped things stick.

I'm aware I am talking boldly as though this is 'it', for ever, and like I say whilst I haven't been tempted at all to drink of late, I know full well that I need to guard and police my sobriety like a tiger, or some other mixed metaphor along those lines.

Enough ramblings, I'm off to see how much kale I can stick in my smoothie without it actually tasting of kale, and to see if I can locate any of those multiple dolphins.

There are some notable absentees on the thread at the moment: I'm hoping people are doing ok and I am sending love to all.

Back from ds parents evening. It went ok. He is doing so much better than last year and lots of nice comments from his teachers. It was lovely to see him chatting with the other kids while he waited for us, that would never have happened last year. So, despite two days off this week, he is doing ok and making progress. Another reason for me to not rock the boat right now......

That is wonderful Ma, I am so glad and you must be so proud of him.

Thanks small. He has struggled to settle and face up to all the things which he finds difficult, so I am very pleased. His music teacher was delightful and said its been like a light going on in DS. I think in music he has found something which he enjoys and is good at so hopefully he will continue with it and gain confidence. Dd2 is very musical and a talented vocalist so maybe he's going to be the same but instrumental.

Hi babes,

I'm totally with you guys on the "how did I function?" question. I was actually functioning (kinda) on one and a half bottles, sometimes 2 bottles a night.

Dh and I went for a meal on sat night and because there was no possibility of me drinking (I'm banned by dh) it took all the stupid drink related questions/anxieties away and it became quite simply a pleasant, uncomplicated Chinese meal and it was lovely. I think that feeling is spreading into every aspect of my life, some days are good and other days are crap and I've figured out thats just life, nothing more nothing less!!!

I think we can better the odds by making the most of our mental well being, that's where getting slim and fit comes In and enjoying the simple pleasures life brings.

The favourite part of my day is my nightly bath in Epsom salts watching Whitechapel on my kindle surrounded by candles, it sounds totally naff but previously as soon as I had the first glass in my hand I became redundant and detached from everything else, I couldn't even remember how most programmes, films, books ended, what a waste!!

Anyway I guess I'm rambling, like lovely sweet very thoughtfully said I know we missing some of our fabulous babes but out of sight is most certainly not out of mind.

Hugs and strength to all. I don't know what Id do without this glorious bus and all who ride on it (steady on you lot) xxxx