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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - The Wheels On This Bus Go Around And Around, In Search Of Sobriety.

999 replies

Mouseface · 12/02/2015 09:52

Hello, I'm Mouse Smile

This is the brave babes bus, Gerald. He travels far and wide, to wherever he's needed to offer non judgemental support, advice and Opal Fruits!!

We can tell you about the kind of places that can help, your GP can be the first and easiest place to start, or you can look up you local community addiction centre, or even just come onto the thread and let it all out.

There are posters here who have been on the Bus from the start and those who have just joined us Smile

It doesn't matter how long you've been here, the fact that you have taken that first amazing step in acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, things aren't quite right with your drinking is truly MASSIVE!!

This is a safe place for you to just be and to be as honest as you like, or just to talk.

We'll listen Smile

And if you'd like to see our last thread, you can JUST HERE

Plus if you'd like to see where these threads all began, you can read all about that YOU CAN READ THIS VERY EMOTIONAL AND MOVING THREAD

See you soon,

Mouse xxx Smile

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
GetSober · 23/02/2015 06:54

Welcome, ger! I'm glad the little voice brought you to us. When you feel ready, could you tell us a bit about yourself?

We're all at different stages of dealing with our alcohol problems (myself, I'm celebrating a whole 48 hours sober Hmm

lookingforhope · 23/02/2015 07:38

Morning all. In bed desperately wanting to stay here and have day off. Going into work is so very hard. what a wimp I have become. Hope you all have a good week x Flowers

SmallFox · 23/02/2015 07:45

Morning all.

Well, inspired by all of you, I took an extraordinary step (for me) en route to work this morning and joined a gym. This happens to me about once every ten years.i know the pattern, but like alcohol I am determined to do it differently this year. The next phase is the nice bit - buying shiny and largely unnecessary kit - and then the serious business of getting slightly less unfit. I've usually done it in the past to lose weight but this time (tho that is sorely needed) it is more about being a bit more healthy. Very conscious of the need for that at my age Smile - seems a bit like now or never, really.

I am so sorry, I still haven't read back properly post-holiday and so can't NC as I would like but wanted to send a Monday morning hug to Ma - you are so brave with all you are dealing with, and I hope that your father is more at ease this week. When you look back over your posts this year you have come so so far already with the brave decisions you have made - stay strong and know that we are all thinking of you.

More later and I promise I will do some proper hellos, especially to the lovely new travellers, when I am not posting on phone and can check back properly

Fairenuff · 23/02/2015 08:21

Good on ya Joey, Fox and wry and anyone else kickstarting the 'New You' routine. I'm back to work today. Half term with no booze and healthy eating, how different it all is these days. And 9lbs down to boot! Smile

Welcome to the bus ger, just jump in and join the chat whenever you want. We talk about all sorts here.

Get I'm looking forward to hearing how you get on back at AA, you are so brave to go and get that first meeting over. The women there seem quite supportive which is good to hear. Different meetings have different people so stick with one that suits you if you can.

Right, off to work, back later x

obrigada · 23/02/2015 14:51

Afternoon babes, have been away for the weekend so not had time to post, still smoke free but did have a few drinks over the weekend. Had some beer with chinese food on Sat night for meal out to celebrate my sister-in-laws 40th and then a glass of red wine on Sunday with meal to celebrate my daughters birthday.

Waves to all babes xx

babyjane1 · 23/02/2015 15:26

Hi babes,

I'm just back from the gym and despite being a dreech day I'm feeling very positive. I join SW tomorrow and I'm booked in for body attack classes Thurs and Frid!!!

There are many things about myself which I cannot change but weight and fitness I can!!! I'm hoping that by eating well and excercising I will lose weight, tone up and looking better will help me feel better. I guess it's a big circle of emotions and I'm hoping one success will lead to another and another. I have to say I've been inspired massively by all you lovely gals, faire you've started a revolution and I love love love your posts, brimming with positive changes and truthful, kind words. Your a bloody star xxx

I'm posting incase I lose this then I'll be back xxx

babyjane1 · 23/02/2015 16:40

daisy how are you doing? I hope you went ahead with knitting night, you've been through so bloody much it's important that you do things that you enjoy. Thinking of you xxx

ma I'm so sorry things are so rough for you. I wonder if your Shirley Bassey dress might make you sing like her and if your funding runs out you could have a new fabulous career on the cruise ships, you never know who you might run into on the high seas!!!! You know who I mean... Big hugs to my favourite thistle xxx

sober I'm following your posts with genuine admiration and I'm so proud of you. There are tales on here that future babes will read in awe and hopefulness and yours will be one of them, of that I'm sure so keep going babe, your truly awesome xxx

small the post about appreciating your sobriety made me cry (happy tears), it was so personal and profound, it's a great privilege to share your journey xxx

looking I'm frustrated for you that your RL life is treating you so unfairly. You sound so amazing and smart and a fantastic mother. I think your fabulous and the world will to. It's patronising I know but when one door closes another opens and I'm willing you a fantastic new job with handsome men (none WB types obviously) and you will look back and now and think "what was I worried about". Life will be good because good things happen to good people, eventually. I love reading your posts, warm and so mindful of others so even if you can't see your fabulousness this bus can and we're super smart, worldly wise foxy ladies so it must be true. Big hugs babe xxx

I'm scared I lose this so it's big luffs to joey wry ruby khalisi and our lovely obrigada and anyone I've forgotten coz I can't read back....

Magic happens on this here bus, you've just got to believe it xxx

SmallFox · 23/02/2015 18:54

Phew, snatching a few minutes (post-work pre-going-out and mid full-on-child-tantrum-with-which-saintly-SP is kindly dealing) finally to read back on what I've missed over the last week.

Baby your comments just now made me weepy myself - thank you so much. I've been conscious that for the first few weeks my posts have been really me, me, me - which I am sure is very common for newbies - so it is really lovely to hear that maybe they don't always come across that way. Thank you! I love your posts, lovely one, and the way that whatever is going on in your own life, you take time out to be thoughtful and caring for each individual babe - that is special and you are a generous and kind fellow-traveller on this 'ere bus. Yay for you at the gym today and I look forward to sharing stories with you and the inspirational Faire about our respective journeys to health and slenderness happiness. I have got as far as buying some running shoes (I much enjoyed having my gait measured and the appropriate shoes recommended - I get so suckered in to all this stuff! The woman in the shop looked very disapproving when I was trying to choose based on colour/style rather than what she deemed 'right' for me. She won. Even my kids think my pink feet are hilarious).

Mouse - not sure how things are for you at the moment, but you are the first person I think of when I come on to MN each day, you were so lovely and encouraging when I first tentatively arrived on these threads (several name changes ago - this is the first one which has stuck!) and I will always hold you in my heart with gratitude. I hope Nemo is doing well and that they've got a nice big stockpile of your medication held back for you, so you never have to be in that awful pain again.

Looking - how you feeling? Hope the day wasn't too bad - I know you weren't looking forward to it! You are so not a wimp, though, so don't say that to yourself!

Khalisi - how are you, fab babe? We need tales of your foxy derring do! But underneath all that fabulous 'got-it-ness', I hope you are wrapping yourself up in a big cuddle and are not feeling too lonely or too far away. It must be tough and I am in awe of your strength. It may not be the same as RL, but you are so loved here, babe.

Sweet you may not have had an adventure in a while but you sound very positive and contented with all your gardening, gates and Puss. I may have totally the wrong end of the stick but where you are sounds idyllic - I keep envisaging you strolling gently up the garden path to the lovely new gate, cat at your heels and the Archers gently floating out of the kitchen window, wearing all your horticultural brilliance lightly and wisely. This may well be wildly wrong (not the last bit, tho) but it makes me happy anyway!

Get - sounds like you're on a roller coaster at the moment and it must be SO hard. Look after yourself. Did you get to a meeting today? How is stuff with DH? Thinking of you.

Wry, Obrigata, Ma, Fevvers, Joey, anyone else I have failed to NC, sorry - waves to you all. I hope the bus is companionable, peaceable and full of gentle fun and snuggles tonight. I'll try to drop in again later and catch up. Apologies, have done this post slightly in a hurry and largely from memory so apologies if I have got anything wrong! If you've suddenly acquired a cat or something I've borrowed from someone else, just blame my memory! Though I have to say - even that is now improving a bit after a month and a half off the booze, which is a profound relief xx

dementedma · 23/02/2015 21:12

baby that made me laugh. I sing like a frog.
I'm ok, I'm ok. Getting through each day. Drinking though which is not good.
hope how was work?

aliasjoey · 23/02/2015 21:59

In sidecar. Medicating for a bad back. The exercise enthusiasm didn't last long Smile

After wry mentioned Stuart Macbride I was interested in other (less grim) Aberdeen authors - amazon tells me of several - the obvious tartan crofter type, but also one called Shona Maclean and have requested from library.

Have eaten 4 chocolate bars today.

dementedma · 23/02/2015 22:19

2glasses and bed. Could be worse

GetSober · 24/02/2015 08:19

Well done, ma! That's really good.

Thanks baby, Fox and everyone else. Yes, went to AA last night, and spoke for the first time. It was great. Such a lot of acceptance and fellow feeling in that room. I feel I've found another safe place where I will be helped, not judged. Just like this bus Smile

So it was a crap night for DS2 to pick to be unsettled all night for no reason whatsoever. Was up most of the night with him. DS1 off nursery today, though, with a poorly tummy, so I've parked him on the sofa with TV, water and dry toast and snuck upstairs for a crafty nap Blush

Things with DH...better than ever, tbh. He's proud of me for getting to AA and frankly clucked over me like a mother hen last night and this morning, as I had no sleep on top of a day at work and an emotionally demanding evening. Love him so much. May have growled at him a bit when he was trying to give me supportive pats, though - "gerrof wanna sleep wah" Smile

SmallFox · 24/02/2015 09:03

Get - yay for you and for your lovely DH. There are so many WBs around, it is lovely to hear of a supportive, caring and loving partner. The fact that he was brave enough to raise some of these issues speaks volumes. And you are such a star for taking such conclusive action. Hurrah all round. Hope DSs feel better soon x

Khalisi · 24/02/2015 09:06

Good morning, my darling Babes.

Crazy day yesterday. I caught up but ran out of time so couldn't post.

hope my honey bunch. You give us so much. Really, I do not want to heart about you feeling like you are complaining when you need us.
As for the running, I always tell my friends no one looks bad working out. No one. No matter how wobbly we are, we are still a hell of a lot busier than the couch potatoes!

alias Please don't give up, babes! Even if you just go for a walk. Keep it up. There was some other really interesting thing I wanted to comment on but I have now forgotten and don't have time to read back!

Welcome, ger! Will chat to you later!

daisy How are you doing, babes?!

wry no danger of me being caught in 50 shades of boredom! I was talking to dd2 about this. I feel so sad for the young women her age who think that this is how things should be! Good god, after all feminism has given us! If I think of all the women who braved being beaten up (and were beaten up) I am appalled at the thought of ANY woman, especially young one, voluntarily being hurt to satisfy a lust.

Sober Well done, my darling, babe!!! Well done!

Have to run!!

Khalisi · 24/02/2015 09:08

Hi sweet, my sunshine!!!

Fox, haven't forgotten you either!

I'll be back tomorrow night only. But will keep reading in between!

Bosies, everyone!!!

GetSober · 24/02/2015 12:09

He's solid gold, is my DH. I'm very lucky to have him. But then he's not perfect, and he's bloody lucky to have me too :)

Ps what does WB stand for, please? Keep seeing it and can't figure it out!

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 24/02/2015 14:03

Hello Get! Pleased to meet you!

WB stands for wank badger. A particular term of endearment for partners when they are being, well, wank badgers! Grin I'm not entirely sure if it isn't just one word.

Perhaps someone more eloquent will be along shortly with a list. A list of wankbadgery things that WBs do.

Grin
lookingforhope · 24/02/2015 14:53

Hi babes and thanks for your kind words of support Wry, Baby, Khalisi, Ma, Fox and co. Blush

I am not sure I deserve them, am so pathetic right now. Sad Stayed off work today and yesterday and didn't put in a job application because it seemed so hard, and pointless, and couldn't face it. I left it till the very last minute and then panicked at the deadline, and had a hangover, and just went to pieces. So now I can't even say I'm helping myself as the deadline passed. And now I'm doubting myself and thinking I probably can't even do a job. My self esteem is on the floor. I feel fat, old and useless. Normally I am quite confident, but I didn't realise how much of my self worth derived from having a successful career. Pathetic really, but even when it stressed me out I was sort of proud of my ability to cope.

I really need to stop drinking. I am a binger - can go for ages without it (Dry January was not even that hard apart from odd days when something upset me - WB arguments and work usually do that) - but then I can just have a night where I have too much, wake up with anxiety and so it becomes a daily thing to stem the panic. And then I hate myself and can't do anything. I am in a really bad place at the moment and I so want to change and be positive but I just can't. Work situation bad, marriage bad, I can't even tidy up ffs, am living in a tip.

I need to get dressed and showered before kids come home from school at least. Then go shopping and make them something for tea. It all seems insurmountable and it's NOTHING, I can work 10 hour days and still get everything done then take the kids to their various sports clubs etc. But not at the moment. I just have such awful, awful anxiety. I think its a culmination of months of uncertainty and no support at home (or at work really, they just want us gone)

Welcome to Ger by the way. Hope I am not scaring you off with my moaning. I have been known to crack a few half decent jokes, just waiting to get my mojo back

Thing is, I feel like it has really gone this time. Hand holding welcomed today babes, am feeling so bad atm. Sad Sad Sad

Off to google some self-help pages. I am great at reading about stuff (and talking about it) but can't seem to take action. On second thoughts, a kick up the arse may be more use than a hand to hold. But please don't be too mean, I am liable to crying a lot these days...

Fairenuff · 24/02/2015 16:12

Would a slap round the chops with Barrie help at all hope? Grin xxx

He hasn't been out of his tank for a while and it could do with a clean anyway. Now babes, this bus is a mess again, we need to polish all the brass and get those windows sparkling again.

How anyone can see our bums through that grime I don't know...

lookingforhope · 24/02/2015 16:47

Yes Faire, I think Barrie may well be called for here [weak smile emoticon]

Fairenuff · 24/02/2015 17:17

Let's clean up the bus first hope, it's so cluttered in here there isn't enough room to swing a cat squid.

Now, who is driving and where are we going? That Isinde has buggered off with the driver's cap but the keys are in the ignition. Let's roll.

If there are any lurkers out there, stick out an arm (or a leg) and we'll pick you up on the way.

Mouse is slacking off on refreshment duties too. Tut tut, this place is going to the dogs...

Khalisi · 24/02/2015 17:22

hope my love.

Of course you feel shit. I know. Rightfully so.

However.

Vacuum clean. Pack away the dirty things. Do washing.
(Get it, anything that involves doing something).

Start with cleaning the house.

A clean home makes for a clean spirit.

And try to stay off the juice. Leave the booze, babes. You know all that will happen is that anxiety will eat you up. Alcohol makes you feel worse about yourself. Because it controls you and takes away your ability to control the situation.

You've got this, my darling. Goddammit, you've got this. You've been doing more than surviving for a long time.

Time to put what you've learned into practice.

This moment too, shall pass.

All hours, including these, your hardest, only have 60 minutes.

Flowers
dementedma · 24/02/2015 20:18

indie has gone AWOL and soc usually drives the night bus so if anyone fancies a go feel free.
So far I am dealing with:
DS school refusing
Dd2 come home from uni as has no food and no money
Boiler has broken down
Job inching ever closer to company being bust
Dad dying, bit by painful bit
Marriage dead in the water
Anyone join me in a glass or two?

GetSober · 24/02/2015 21:40

WANKBADGER

Idiot. I should have got that one.

Sorry not to be able to join you, ma, but under the circumstances...I wave my redbush tea convivially in your direction, though.

Hope don't know what to say, but have some Thanks you know you can always moan here when you need to? I shall set the example, by moaning that I've got a horrible cold coming, I feel like poo, and I definitely have to go to work tmrw because stupid important meeting. BOO.

lookingforhope · 24/02/2015 22:53

Aw Ma I feel a right selfish arse now, you definitely have more to cope with than me and are doing so much better

But will decline the glass or two tonight because I really am worried about my intake atm, I wouldn't stop.

I thought your job was getting safer with the promise of funding? Sorry if I got that wrong. And also thought DS was settling a bit more - saw you posted something about him having friends invite him over half term and just assumed they were school friends? Is there anything the school are doing to help?

You know I empathise with the WB thing, and I can only imagine how hard things are with your dad. Big hugs Ma. You are the strongest person I know ...

Khalisi thanks for your kind words - you are a wise lady. Though you haven't quite sold me on the housework thing I'm afraid (not even scary Faire has done that, though did tidy up somewhat). (sprays a bit of air freshener round the bus and knocks a few cobwebs off the dashboard, then puts selection of biscuits out). I did a food shop and bought treats for everyone though (in RL, not just my fictional bus biscuits) which made me feel a bit less selfish , Going back to work tomorrow, or else I feel I may give up all together.

Sober hope your cold gets better. Everyone seems to have a lurgy atm, though suspect mine is hangover related Blush

Going to read a self help tome now about stopping drinking. Though this bus is my main saviour, so thanks all xxx Flowers