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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dear VNXH

502 replies

WellWhoKnew · 11/02/2015 15:55

Dear VNXH,

I am pondering about pondersome things. What are you doing, I ponder?

The SHL is contemplating the latest bit of fuckwittery from a legaltastic viewpoint.

I merely remain navel gaze in a reflective sort of manner. My mind continually mulls over and over, in a ruminatory sort of manner.

I am pleased to report that fuck all has happened to day except I got on with some shit.

Woman, thoughtful.

OP posts:
WellWhoKnew · 17/03/2015 14:45

“Now let’s turn to the matter of your spending habits” said SHB.

“They have not changed” he remarked with the same conviction as a small child pretending he can’t see by covering his eyes with his hands.

And somehow this escalated into, quite frankly, the most bizarre argument I have ever had the privilege of hearing. And no one was drunk in the making of this ridiculous row.

We were, after all, in a serious court of law. And for that reason, I can’t actually give you the full transcript but only the essence of a small part of it with quite a bit omitted for obvious reasons.

But first, I need you to know something about me: it’s a bit of an admission. I’m very sorry for the stealth boast: it is not my intention to make anyone feel bad or deprived, but I do need you to know something that may make you weep with envy for this story to make any sense.

I apologise in advance, but the fact of the matter is:

I own some pots and pans.

They are quite nice. None of them were bought in Poundstretcher’s (other budget shops are available) although I do have some bought in Asda (other supermarkets exist too) as well. I have, in my total collection of pots and pans: five frying pans, eight pots, two woks and some baking trays even though I don’t bake. Just over half of them, qualify as naice.

Fripperarious me!

They live in my kitchen. In a cupboard. I use them frequently. For cooking shit. They mingle: I do not discriminate between naice pans and not quite naice pans, merely using the one that is

a) washed or,
b) closest to hand and
c) suitable for my reasonable needs.

Right, having made that disclosure, or stealth boast, over to the court room:

SHB: Can you explain this expenditure in excess of £1,000 pounds?

Him: Yes. She has lovely pots and pans. I should have the same pots and pans. It’s only fair.

SHB: But you live in a serviced apartment?

Him: Yes, but it’s not mine.

SHB: Furnished with pots and pans? And crockery?

Him: Yes.

SHB: So why do you need to buy pots and pans?

Him: Because I’m going to start cooking more. It’s expensive to cook, it’s cheaper to eat out.

SHB: Not the way you ‘eat out’. Are you saying you’ve spent all that money on pots and pans but it’s cheaper to eat out?

Him: You don’t want to always eat out. Sometimes the food isn’t so nice.

SHB: You aren’t making any sense to me.

Him: I will need pots and pans when I move.

SHB: But you are not moving, you bought these some nine months before there was even a chance of you moving. You bought these pots and pans some seven months ago – why?

Him: Because they were on offer. And because I might lose my job.

SHB: Why might you lose your job?

Him: Well you never know what’s around the corner.

SHB: So you bought pots and pans, worth over £1000 pounds, in cash, you didn’t declare them on your Form E, you failed to explain this in the questionnaire just saying ‘payment in’, we asked about it on your schedule of deficiencies, you just said ‘payment out’. You provide no receipts for any expenditure and you didn’t need to spend quite so much on pots and pans within days of my client issuing her Form A (application for financial relief when I couldn’t pay the rent...and he suggested a fucking caravan...) when you already have pots and pans in your serviced apartment, and in fact, seemingly eat out every day of the week, in expensive restaurants, even though you claim to live ‘frugally’.

[You'd think my pots and pans were gold plated, wouldn't you? They aren't, I can assure you, or they'd be in the fucking escrow account – or at the very least disclosed in my Form E! In fact, they cost nothing, and I mean, nothing like the price he alleges he paid for ‘his’. They are nice pans though – even if I do say so myself. I like how they are functional, and not superfluous to requirements (well washing up is not always my strongest skill).

SHB: Turning now to your teaspoons. (Okay now I AM exaggerating...)

And with that GG decided it was high time to go and inspect his own pots and pans, and upped and left. Honestly, it was so rude and abrupt – anyone would think he ruled the place!

And ordered us to return in March.

And ordered some more disclosure.

Whereupon, set off us on a course of action that has got me today.

At round two.

OP posts:
ninetynineonehundred · 17/03/2015 14:50

He really isn't very bright is he? Hmm

TravelinColour · 17/03/2015 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winterinmadeira · 17/03/2015 14:52

Yay! Gin calls!

LadyTmalia · 17/03/2015 14:52

Ohh Congrats on the divorce :) Yay you!

£1000 on pots and pans, holy mackrel mother of cod. I dont suppose he kept the receipt ?

:o :o

mineallmine · 17/03/2015 14:53

Don't stop there...You're just getting going now.

TheMShip · 17/03/2015 14:54

Pots and pans? Hmm This is great stuff, top class WWK writing. Not forgetting of course that this is a real person's life and divorce Flowers

Andro · 17/03/2015 14:58

A thousand pounds worth of pots and pans? He must have bought professional quality items...if indeed he bought kitchenware.

shadowfax07 · 17/03/2015 15:00

How much?!? Bloody hell, for that price they'd need to cook food and jump in the dishwasher themselves!

Hobbitwife001 · 17/03/2015 15:01

I've seen those pots and pans, they are naice , but not that nice!
What a wankbadger!

Clutterbugsmum · 17/03/2015 15:04

I need new pans (I'm alright for frying pans) where do you find these £1000 pans Grin.

Well done for being free

WellWhoKnew · 17/03/2015 15:05

And so that ends my disclosure of the part hearing. I'm sure you all understand, that because partly because the trial was part-heard it would be foolish, nay criminal!, of me to have written any further about the part-proceedings, and partly because I was partly shattered and more than partly pissed on the evening of January 12th.

Sothereupon I hurled my sorry arse (nicely diminished over the months) towards the bed, and swore to God upon landing, then thanked Him profusely that I didn’t miss it by very much it and that I own a bed that is quite low to the floor.

And thereafter followed a period of acute resting and recovery in the intervening months where not very much happened beyond the fact that we’d left the court sincerely believing we might be able to settle this without any further assistance from GG.

You know, like competent adults do.

And because we believed he was no longer in a position to ‘micro-manage’ his legal team to further abuse the legal system, and therefore me.

You know, like reasonable adults don’t.

And so it was, that despite every hope that this matter could finally be settled out of court, Mr Snowy Whitey (aka Mr Cognitive Arseholiance himself) ensured the part-hearing became a full hearing by a) refusing to honour the last court order, b) retracting his open offer to court (which I get a lovely 25% of the assets in my name) and c) losing his job at the weekend before this hearing.

And as anyone who has ever gotten divorced will tell you: a full hearing is the worst case scenario as an outcome. A judge is required to be fair to both sides. No matter what: he is concerned that both parties can move on from the marriage, put the past behind them, with whatever resources the marriage has produced. There is no changing that rather frustrating fact.

And so an emergency mid-trial meeting with one’s legal team had to take place yesterday (Monday) to tailor the Armeggedon plan. Interestingly, I made it alive, despite driving the DeathTrap Mobile to the secret location, to be handed upon arrival, not a cup of tea, but a new offer which had emerged overnight, and which made for an interesting discussion to say the least. Unfortunately, it was an ‘open’ offer, which means their strategy had changed radically over the weekend.

A blindsiding was on the cards.

Again.

They were suddenly making a much more ‘fair’ offer and were able to put it before the judge, unlike his not so reasonable offers of yondertime: all of which are considered ‘without prejudice’, and therefore, not disclosed to the judge.

If I didn’t accept, I might look unreasonable.

Clearly, he’s been nobbled by his legal team (at long fucking last!!).

And there was also a little bit of disclosure.

But only a diddy bit.

And it only raised a helluva lot of questions.

And so it was decided to do two things:

Get to court very, very, very early in order for SHB and CC (hoping it’s the same freaking one this time) to conduct some serious corridor negotiations (as SHB definitely has more success there) and, failing that, get him into that hideous little box...

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 17/03/2015 15:07

Shamelessly place marking. And Flowers for you for coming through all the crap with such dignity.

sadwidow28 · 17/03/2015 15:09

Sad widow arrives having inspected her pots and pans! Yikes! I have TWO lots .... one lot at brick house and one lot at the holiday home. Some are naicer than others and I also allow them to mingle when moving between said homes.

Will they become the subject of a Pan-Cafcass report?

Actually, I don't have a dish-washer at the holiday home so those pans may claim pan-misery and lack of entitlement to have a hot bath in the dish-washer. They are scrubbed with Brillo Pads [other soap pads are available]. This will be deemed to be abuse-of-pans won't it?

I also note that I have neglected the pans at the back of the cupboard. Too big and too heavy! I am done for! Definitely done for!!! Neglect and Abuse of Pans!

Will you keep chatting to me on MN when I am carted away?

Signing off....... a very frightened SW

P.S. I am the original SW - NOT MR SW. I was shocked when WWK gave my abbreviation to the totally stupid, unemotional, lordly, uncaring, knows-it-all Mr STBXH

I am claiming my abbreviate back now that WWK has gained her freedom from the toe-rag!

Hobbitwife001 · 17/03/2015 15:11

You're amazing sweetheart , can't wait for the next post!,x

bobs123 · 17/03/2015 15:13

Best afternoon in a long time Grin

sadwidow28 · 17/03/2015 15:18

Okay .... he's now in the box!

Who stole my remote control to fast-forward? I hate it when dramas stall on iplayer. Do you?

I'll be back when I have got the dog to find the remote control on this thread.

FuckitAndStartAgain · 17/03/2015 15:19

KOKO!

X

bobs123 · 17/03/2015 15:23

It's a bit like one of those games shows -

and the winner is ..................................................................................

fitflopqueen · 17/03/2015 15:32

WWK I am a long time follower of your threads
Congratulations and very best wishes for your future Wine

Anniegetyourgun · 17/03/2015 15:42

I've got everything crossed that the end of this saga means WWK will be well-off enough to buy a replacement shiny laptop. Possibly even two, in case of further accidents. And a giant extra-shiny desk tower for Sundays.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 17/03/2015 15:46

I'm hoping GG will say "despite XH being an idiot he is still entitled to half of everything, since his disclosures are so unclear I'm going to guess that he has 5 million in the bank. So I'm afraid WWK, you'll only get half of that."

Damnautocorrect · 17/03/2015 15:50

Refresh refresh refresh!
I can imagine today's a strange feeling. Congratulations on your new freedom, and over coming (im guessing from instalment 2!) his fuck wittery

Anniegetyourgun · 17/03/2015 16:05

TYPE FASTER, DAMN YOU!!!!!

Gibbsbasement · 17/03/2015 16:08

WWK have you popped out for more gin?

I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for the next exciting instalment.

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