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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH says hurtful things

62 replies

expectantmum79 · 09/02/2015 21:27

We've just had a baby and I know I might be slightly more sensitive than usual but he's said awful things:

"I'm stuck with you"
"Who would have kids?"
"I never wanted this baby" (before the birth and definitely not true as he wanted me to come off my pill).
He's also called me a "dirty bitch" and says I'm not clean around the house
He has accused me of cheating more than once (which he later admits he knows is not true)

I'm not 100% innocent but he says vile things, the first 2 are things he's said since we had the baby and it hurts so much.

He then tells me he loves me and I don't know whether to believe him, he's told me on several occasions that I know what I can do if I'm not happy but on occasions when we've rowed and I've been prepared to leave he has talked me out of it. Is there any hope or should I pull the ripcord?

OP posts:
VixxFace · 09/02/2015 21:29

ltb

AHatAHatMyKingdomForAHat · 09/02/2015 21:31

Ripcord.

Original poster
expectantmum79 · 09/02/2015 21:33

What is itb please VixxFace?

OP posts:
pointythings · 09/02/2015 21:34

LTB is Leave The Bastard. In your case it's good advice. This is emotional abuse, you know that, don't you? It often starts around pregnancy and the birth of a first child and it does not get better.

Get rid. You don't want your child to grow up like this.

Original poster
expectantmum79 · 09/02/2015 21:35

I feel like such a fool

OP posts:
NorksAreMessy · 09/02/2015 21:36

What will he be like in ten years' time? Better or worse?

There you go...rrrrrrrrrrrrrip

gildedcage · 09/02/2015 21:39

I can't tell you what to do but love is an action, not a word.

Do you feel loved? Actions speak louder than words...although I must say his words speak volumes. ..and not in a good way.

You've got a gorgeous, precious baby, this is their template for relationships that they will hold for life, would you be happy for their future relationships to look like this?

Original poster
expectantmum79 · 09/02/2015 21:39

At dinner, he came out with the "who would have kids" I looked at him and he said " I don't know why you're looking at me like that. You've always known."

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 09/02/2015 21:42

It's time to leave.

Pull that rip cord. Get rid.

Life is too short and too precious to waste it with an abuser like this.

Original poster
expectantmum79 · 09/02/2015 21:45

I'm frightened of being in my late 30s and having another failed relationship to my name

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 09/02/2015 21:49

OP isn't it more frightening living with someone who doesn't seem to like you let alone love you?

Original poster
expectantmum79 · 09/02/2015 21:53

Yes, it's awful. I hated being pregnant, we rowed a lot and I've got issues from when I was pregnant with my eldest, I thought things might get better after the birth.

OP posts:
stargirl04 · 09/02/2015 21:54

Hi Expectantmum, try not to think of it as a failed relationship, but simply as something that's run its course.

Each relationship we have is a learning experience and teaches us something important that we need to learn, thus making us stronger, wiser and more compassionate. Try to see what the lessons are in this relationship and take them as a positive.

Also, you may not feel it, but you are only in your late 30s - you're still young!

Wishing you all the best. x

pictish · 09/02/2015 21:55

Good grief he's a nasty piece isn't he?

Aussiemum78 · 09/02/2015 21:57

Next time he says he doesn't want kids, tell him he has a choice. Be a husband and father or walk.

WineWineWine · 09/02/2015 21:57

This will never improve, it can only get worse. You deserve better and being on your own would be better.

Original poster
expectantmum79 · 09/02/2015 21:58

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Aussiemum78 · 09/02/2015 21:58

You know he's trying to make you feel grateful that he's staying, and put up with anything because you are so lucky. Don't let him make you feel this way, you don't need him.

pictish · 09/02/2015 22:00

Or next time he says "I'm stuck with you" tell him he's not and chuck his shit out the door.
How horrible.

pointythings · 09/02/2015 22:02

It's not a failed relationship - he is a failed man.

overmydeadbody · 09/02/2015 22:03

Don't wait for a next time.

Chuck him out now. Don't put up with this any more.

It's only a failed relationship if you stay with him.

Lazaretto · 09/02/2015 22:05

Hang on a second...was he like this before the children? How he is behaving is unacceptable but what are his reasons? Could he be depressed?

HootyMcTooty · 09/02/2015 22:13

I'd be worried about anyone who accuses someone of cheating when they know it's not true. It sounds like he's playing mind games. The rest of it, well that's just plain rude.

mamababa · 09/02/2015 22:17

What Pictish said.

Original poster
expectantmum79 · 09/02/2015 22:19

My eldest isn't his Lazaretto.

OP posts:
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