Don't know what to do distraught

[TangledUpInGin]

My stbxh and I split in November when he couldn't say he loved me, we reconciled in December and he promised to go to counselling etc (which he never did). I've felt suspicious about his relationship with a colleague for a number of years who I warned him was over stepping the mark with contact. He's since said he was aware of all this and did. It anyway. I found messages on Monday saying he loved her etc and kicked him out and have filed for divorce but when we spoke today he said he knew about stepping over the mark and did it anyway as things were so horrible with us and he was so miserable. I knew things were not good but he never gave us a chance. I feel like absolute shit. He didn't care about me at all and he had the audacity to say in the beginning hd couldn't have imagined wanting to see anyone else, but he did in fact have a ons 2 years into our relationship before marriage and kids. I feel as if I'm not worth anything. He's said nothing has happened between the ow as she is married to and they just talked about their feelings and agreed that nothing could happen. I feel do betrayed and I know he's an utter cunt but why do I want him to say he wants me and not her? I don't even want the fucker but I feel so bitter and jealous. I'm a mess

Apparently nothing physical has happened! So, not seeing her as such but I'm in no doubt the furtive messaging will be continuing! Utterly pathetic and thankfully no longer a concern of mine - dodged a bullet there!!

I'm so excited about my future! Me and the boys have been to look at a few houses already - apparently my favourite one is 'lame' according to ds1 cheeky little git.

I go to bed every night and look forward to the next day which I've been unable to do for so long!!

Cheers AF

I have just read this thread and think I felt every emotion whilst reading it! I'm bloody exhausted

Doesn't it feel wonderful when you come through the other side? I remember all to well how it felt when someone you spent your entire marriage making the centre of your world casts you aside for an OW. I affectionately call EXH previously OW, now live in partner McMunter. Childish I know, but I couldn't give a fuck. I'm delighted your in a much better place, life is good tangled

How fantastic to hear how well your life is going without Fuckweasel. You have so much to look forwards to - enjoy!!!

Tangled - well done you! Just read your post and could have written it myself. I'm 4 weeks away from freedom and to read yours just made me smile on your behalf and in the knowledge that I too might feel the same sense of happiness and relief! Isn't it amazing how much you can tolerate and blame yourself - when all along these are profoundly selfish and narcissistic men. Short of not having children so they'd remain centre of your universe there was nothing you could have done differently to change things...Amen to breaking through and seeing the light ????

Oh witch, it's just amazing not to be living in the shadow of someone so hell bent on making their (and everyone around themselves) lives a misery. I genuinely look forward to waking up so I can enjoy my quite marvellous life.

Lotsofponies (I just have one ) I'm thoroughly enjoying myself free of the shackles of a deeply unhappy man. My ds's are incredible - just the most divine creatures I've ever had the pleasure to meet and I'm finally getting me back. And with (out) blowing my own trumpet, I'm pretty bloody brilliant

Tiny - you will get there I'm quite lucky in the fact my ex was a twat for many years, so I'm probably a lot further on than someone that actually liked their husband

Another update!! My house has sold and I've had an offer accepted on another one which ds1 thankfully doesn't think is lame I'm so very, very happy with my lot and can't wait for the new chapter to begin!

I'm so grateful for everything that has happened as it makes me realise that what I had (apart from the boys) was so very unhealthy. I am back to my old self, who, despite saying so myself, is pretty bloody amazing to anyone going through similar, but just remember life is for living and you will know the people who are worth having in your life. Friends and family are supposed to enrich your life, not drain happiness from you

Yes tangled!!
I didn't follow your previous threads but just caught up briefly now..
Good for you (& your boys).. & Good luck with the house

All in all, I'm doing fucking amazingly!! It is helped by fuckweasel being his usual arsehole self and acting like a twat at every opportunity

That's what helped me too.

Great news that you are in much happier and healthier place.

my husband was a little fat man. Think 5-5 and about 14-15 stone. My friend used to call him the fat twat. Perfect.

When the FT got his knickers in a knot over something that wasn't going his way, how I laughed. Long and hard. You see once you remove 'yourself' from the situation you can see it for what it is. Things that had the power to make us feel upset, cry, shake with emotion....Once we've disentangled ourselves...suddenly look quite humorous. They become caricatures of themselves....little fat man going apoplectic with rage....think of the seaside postcards you used to see....and that would sum up my husband. Then he would storm off in a rage. He once stood in our front garden yelling 'bitch' about centimetres from my face, literally foaming at the mouth. I just gazed coolly back at him, kept myself centred and grounded and let it flow over me Getting no reaction from me fuelled his flames far more than engaging with him would have done.

He made himself a very unhappy man and died early.

Well, hello! I just wanted to give a little update on things, it being a few years later on from the onset of my new life!

It was, with total honesty, the most awful thing I’ve ever gone through. I was broken at times and can remember with awful clarity trying to make myself physically as small as possible and just sobbing hoping it would just all stop. But, I’m now nearly four years in and I can say although it was the most horrific thing to go through, it was by far the best thing for me and my boys. It takes me back to look at this and see how broken I was to see how bloody great I am now! I would say to any person out there going through similar to look at things objectively and to think what you would say to a friend going through the same thing and use that for yourself. We seem to have more sympathy and understanding for others than we do for ourselves. I would never in a million years have seen myself as someone in an abusive relationship, but I was. It took a great deal of strength to walk away from something that from the outside was perfect. I now have a far better view on what is perfect - it’s not the financial trappings, it’s the conversations round the breakfast table and the ‘mum, guess what happed today!’ conversations. I’m so incredibly grateful for my ‘now life’ and wouldn’t have had any confidence at all that it could be as fabulous as it is now at that very dark time in my life. Keep your chin up and have confidence in your beliefs! It’ll all work out in the end! Much love to you all going through dark times xx

What a great update.

I’m in the midst of this and your thread has been really helpful, I am so happy for you, thank you for posting your update

@TangledUpInGin

A simply amazing update and you did marvellous.

Are the boys seeing their dad and having a good relationship with him? Is he behaving better towards you?

Did the OWs DH ever respond to your message on Twitter?

When halfway in I realised how old this thread was, I skipped to the end expecting to see someone trying to sell a love charm.

How wonderful to read your update OP, you must have given so many posters a boost this morning.

@Tangled. Another saying "go you!" and thanks for the inspiring update. It really does help those of us sadly on thusxwell trodden path. I'm 4.months in after a 23 year relationship. The scales fall further from my eyes every day but that's not to say I am not devastated and traumatised by the whole thing. I look forward to posting my own positive updates in the not too distant future. To all of us....KOKO

What a fab update! So glad to hear how happy you and your boys are.

What a brilliant update, Tangled. It wasn't luck, it was your dogged determination and keeping faith with yourself that achieved it for your and your children. Really happy for you. :)