Saw ex - boyfriend today. Horrible!

[wildwest]

Haven't set eyes on him in nearly a year. He's blocked me because of one episode of drunk texting. I've posted about him before. Trouble is I've spent every day thinking of him. I guess I've made him something in my head he really isn't. Anyway - I went to tesco with my daughter and saw him by the checkout chatting to someone. Went with my daughter to look at Dvd's hoping he'd be gone. Went to pay and he was right in front of me. As I got near (he was facing me) it was clear he was just going to ignore me. So as I passed I grabbed his arm, smiled and said 'hi' in a breezy manner. He turned his head slightly and very off handedly said 'Oh hi'. That was it. And I could cry. I did. Have chatted to my friends who have been great and supportive.

Just hate that I could have been someone he hardly knew. ... not someone who had been intimate with him. Just a horrible feeling.

I've dated since. Met someone lovely in fact but kept thinking of this ex boyfriend so ended it. Silly me.

One funny thing. .. In my drunken texts I told him to buy another shirt for going out (he had the same one every time) and he was wearing the same shirt. Other than that - all feels pretty shit. I'm probably having a slight pitty party because I've been ill, stuck indoors and a feel a little bit down. :-(

Totally agree with Ouchblood. You were still loved up but he checked out emotionally before you knew what was happening. It's a lot to deal with.

I fell in love before texts and emails and got my heart broken after 7 months. I'd go for nights out where he might be - I was going anyway so not officially stalking! I bored my friends and thought of him morning, noon and night. For a good year or so. I moved on to other relationships and finally settled even though I was still thinking of 'him'. I bumped into him a few years after we split, we had a great chat and a few drinks and he asked for my number. He called and...I turned him down

Never thought I'd ever get to that stage and it shocked me! I felt so powerful. And you will get there.

You sound moe positive today! Guess the 'date' helps a bit!

Well I've been shown I'm persona non grata today too. So at least I know now, and can let go.

I think he's mad for bailing, and I deserve better treatment than that.

Onwards ....

bugger

Hellkitty. Love that. Can relate to your post. :-)

Have a lovely date op. I won't tell you to 'take it slowly' sometimes our hearts race ahead... just keep your feet on the ground. I know that sounds contradictory but I hope you know what I mean!

Hissy - you definitely do deserve better - me too. It's hard to correlate the treatment with the men we thought they were ... but they aren't really those men. We've just made them up in our heads I think. Hope you feel better soon. Xx

Wildwest, yes, I'm going back a long time now, and i seriously do not care now, but I remember he returned some of my stuff in a bag and he had a photo of me just thrown in there with socks and knickers and a few other bits. It was like, he didn't even want the one photo of me that he had so like that, I knew I wasn't even a fond memory, just a memory he wanted to erase. It made no sense to me at all.

Hope you and hissy feel ok. I know it takes longer than 48 hours though :-/

Thanks wildwest I do feel better. I don't blame him for doing what he did, he made the right decision for him. I wish only the very best for him, because by god he really does deserve to be happy with someone.

I don't however think that after weeks of plans and love and amazingness, (and no, i definitely didn't make it up, he was very actively codriving the amazefest) to end it suddenly like that, and now not replying to a message I sent is way below what is expected of the kind of man that gets to have me as a partner.

I feel a bit better today. i noticed feeling a bit less awful yesterday in fact. Less out of control, and finally I am sleeping again.

Enduring nights of my mind playing out a mini-series of him being the best boyfriend ever, with ad breaks where I realise he's gone, and my heart breaking until I fall asleep again only to rinse and repeat until dawn are not nights I will miss.

I shall take some time for myself and then think about if I want to bother looking again. My worry sense is that online dating is not for me.

I will be forever comparing. I know this for a fact, because i did this for 2 months after a false start with this guy back last year.

any bloke for me will be compromise. This guy really did tick some seriously particular and specific boxes. I did with him too.

hey ho.... onwards and onwards....

Hissy - I understand it feels that way, but believe me when I say that sometimes it's the surprising ones that DON'T seem to 'fit' that work out fine. You can come at it with a template and boxers, and then be bowled sideways by something you didn't expect. Which I guess is the fun of life!

A friend of mine who had always dated executive types (you know, degree, office job, boring car) got with a new fella who was a roofer. I think she sort of saw it in her mind (a bit snobbily) as a one-night stand, but she found that they just hit it off, and she said to me with a kind of wonder in her eyes 'I never thought a guy like that would challenge me, but he really does, and it feels right!' They're still together. Guess that's the magic of the unexpected.

At the risk of outing myself we are talking sharing of a language that is not usual for non natives to speak, specific type of career, background, history, sport team, music, cars/driving, travel, cooking/entertaining, food. it got so that when I would ask him a question i would know the answer before he gave it. it became a laughing point between us.

I want someone that 'fits' that makes sense of my life. this guy did. it was like everything that we'd ever experienced had led us to us. but he got spooked. and I do understand. If it's not right for him, then it's wrong for me. I get that. Being hurt is shit. So I have to NOT be being hurt. I have to move on...

BUT... If I have a conversation with someone who is - for example - a train driver/IT/Roofer/Whatever and we get to the point of discussing what kind of restaurant/food they like for example, I get the 'oh i really only like english or indian..' and 'can't cook to save my life', I only like X kind of music, don't like footy.... all i do is think of Him and sigh.

I'll get there. Never say never and all that.

What did he say when he ended it? did he offer any explanation?

That's what hurt so much when that man ended it with me so suddenly years years years ago. I thought I would never find somebody I was so compatible with.

Well, friend told me she's seen his profile on dating site. He was online a couple of days ago.

Ok this proves nothing, but ... Ffs

AND I had a flaming road rage thing today! Had to get out of my car and tell some aggressive idiot to back the fuck off

Mañana ... Mañana will be better ...

:)

Have you googled Limerence? It sounds like it to me. Basically the reaction to rejection.

I was thinking limerence too, I recently read a book about it and found it very helpful.
According to the book some are prone to being limerent and some arent, those who arent really cant understand how it feels for those who are.

I sympathize OP, I have struggled with these sorts of things at times, it can be very painful.