Saw ex - boyfriend today. Horrible!

[wildwest]

Haven't set eyes on him in nearly a year. He's blocked me because of one episode of drunk texting. I've posted about him before. Trouble is I've spent every day thinking of him. I guess I've made him something in my head he really isn't. Anyway - I went to tesco with my daughter and saw him by the checkout chatting to someone. Went with my daughter to look at Dvd's hoping he'd be gone. Went to pay and he was right in front of me. As I got near (he was facing me) it was clear he was just going to ignore me. So as I passed I grabbed his arm, smiled and said 'hi' in a breezy manner. He turned his head slightly and very off handedly said 'Oh hi'. That was it. And I could cry. I did. Have chatted to my friends who have been great and supportive.

Just hate that I could have been someone he hardly knew. ... not someone who had been intimate with him. Just a horrible feeling.

I've dated since. Met someone lovely in fact but kept thinking of this ex boyfriend so ended it. Silly me.

One funny thing. .. In my drunken texts I told him to buy another shirt for going out (he had the same one every time) and he was wearing the same shirt. Other than that - all feels pretty shit. I'm probably having a slight pitty party because I've been ill, stuck indoors and a feel a little bit down. :-(

My P ended our relationship suddenly and unkindly 2 years ago. He's since blocked me on FB etc. I think of him often, but not because I love/d him, want him back etc.

My life is very good these days without that boring, self obsessed tosser but still he enters my head.

I think that if I'd ended the relationship I wouldn't now give him a second thought. It was the way it ended. But when he does enter my head I push the thought away.

OP this too will pass. Focus on your DD for that is where happiness lies.

Oh you poor, poor thing!

I'm not sure I can help much other than to say I know how you feel, as my relationship was even shorter than yours, it feels ripped from me which is excruciating. To say I feel fucking idiotic at being so destroyed by such a short term relationship is an understatement. Perhaps the relationship went too fast, but was the best I'd ever had, in every respect. Something I know is mutual too.

I've not "done anything wrong" so there's nothing I can do to put it right, it's him and his fears. Ones I totally understand and do forgive.

Heartbreaking doesn't cover it. Ok so I'm only a couple of weeks in, but each day seems like a month without him, everything I see, hear etc reminds me of him.

I don't usually dream at all, but I dream about him every night, happy, loving and planning with him. I wake up pretty much on the hour every hour to be reminded that reality is the opposite of my dreams.

I hate every second of life without him atm, I understand it might get easier at some point, but for one reason or another I think that's unlikely.

I'm going to have to wait and see if he gets a bit braver and come back again. If it really is meant to be, it will be. It's the only thing I can hope for right now.

I hope you feel better love, be strong and take good care of yourself ((((hug))))

Botofanodd one, ive had therapy myself! I tend to think that people who stay indefinitely in a relationship with somebody who treats them badly could use psychotherapy!

But my dad is a nice man and sometimes women with nice dads feel hurt and rejected too. Yes, op's relationship ended a while ago but she bumped into him today.

Tbh, having a nice dad made me take the x who hurt me too much at face value. Nwver having seen my mum lied to, fobbed off, strung along etc... i wasnt prepard for those behaviours. I learnt, and quickly, having a nice dad doesnt mean that no man will ever hurt you!

My psychotherapist asked me about my father too, altho not immediately!

It was the guy like op's that damagd my self-esteem. It made me question everything i thought i knew.

That's awful hissy, that it's still so recent.

I can't bear it. Any of it

I know he's online, all of me wants to say hello.

It's not my self esteem that's taking the battering, it's my head and heart. To see the last messages we exchanged I've the last 48 hours before he said "goodbye" you wouldn't believe it, it's like a snap. It hurts.

I'm supposed to go to sleep now, but I'm scared to. I can't ha another night dreaming of being with him, loving him, him loving me, only to wake to the cold hard truth that he's gone

I know, pull myself together, where's my dignity/pride etc, woman up, I was only with him for 5 mins.

Trust me I know. I can't even talk to anyone about it because it makes me look like a total prick

that's really hard. the complete volte face, so hard to figure out.

that's how i felt too, way back, that it was my head and my heart aching, not my ego or my pride.

hope you can get to sleep, although I remember how hard it was, the same thoughts doing laps of your head endlessly.

I found the only thing that helped me even slightly was crime novels. Any book that had any kind of romance at all was unendurable so I stayed up half the night reading crime, pure crime.

That is a brilliant idea! Thanks so much! I have a shot load of books, I will find the deepest darkest thriller and hurl myself into it!

I was going to send him a message, but it's actually only been a full week since the heave ho, despite the fact that it feels like literally forever.

I NEED to let him miss me. I Need to regroup myself and centre myself. I need to gain composure,

If he's going to come back, it won't be in a week or so. If it's meant to be (like I bloody well think it is) it will be.

He knows how I feel, I have to leave the rest to him. If I go and get him, it's not his choice. He could do it again and I'll not manage to get through another event like this. .

Thank you so much, that's really helped.

Sorry for hijacking the thread wildwest

I think putting yourself first and foremost is the best idea, remind yourself how nice you are as a person, and that you do deserve a person that loves you for you, and can listen and forgive a wobble or 2.

I really hope you find someone that is worthy of you. Xx

Is this a pattern with men? My ex was full on, buying me flowers taking me on holiday saying he wanted to move in then turned round one day and just said 'I don't love you and can't give you what you want' - I emailed me for a few days begging and pleading losing my dignity..he never replied.. I can sympathise with the poster here.. It's been two months and last week I went to a supermarket where I had to drive past his house - it brought it all back and I cried when I saw his car. I think for me it's a case of what might have been.. We were only together a short while but going from full on to no contact has cut me deep -

Another that understands and is in the throw of something similar.

I have had long term relationships end that didn't feel as painful as this one that ended abruptly after just three months. The shock takes some getting used to.

We had recently moved in together and the situation is shit because we are still living together and sharing a bed. I know that he is going soon and that he needs to for me to move on but I am pathetically clinging to the last few days of intimacy.

It's a shitty shitty thing to go through and I think that the shock of being left in the middle of that love drunk stage is the reason that it's so hard to process and accept.

It will pass though

Elenio that must be so difficult hugs to you! Yes the love drunk stage it is torture for that to be severed so quickly - I can only say to you stay strong and when he does leave that is going to cut you but you will heal.. Each day I wake I think of him..is he with someone else, does he think of me..Jesus it kills..the only think that has helped me is that I have a high pressurised job so I can't think of him all day.. It's the nights and weekends when I think,wonder and torture myself..my tale of woe perhaps won't help you in your situation.. All I know is that I will take it steady next time be more cautious And try and learn from it

He may have ignored you because he was embarrassed about being seen in that shirt!

Let's hope he is cringing.

Haha. Maybe!

Maybe that's what it is. The love drunk stage and it being over. Makes sense!

It pisses me right off when people feel that you have no right to mourn the ending of a short relationship. It can be much worse at that stage as you are full of oxytocin (or whatever ) when is it acceptable to be upset 4 , 5 , or 6 months? or do we have to wait a year before being dismissed as 'oh it was only a short relationship' ! If you don't think OP is worthy of a bit of support don't post.
For what its worth my most upsetting break ups : one at three months , another at 2.5 years. I had a 9 year relationship where I did a little dance when he finally buggered off!
Anyway I told my ex his shoes were awful in a text. I wasn't even drunk. Go me !

It just sounds like you had a hard time getting over him and seeing him threw you and being ignored was unpleasant.
How ridiculous to accuse you of being like a stalker and suggesting the police would be interested.
This board is horrible sometimes - people often seem to enjoy frightening posters and making out they are terrible or weird .

You have to realise that this is a type of man and a type of behaviour and he will repeat it over and over until he gets therapy or dies. They go all out with the love stuff then they get bored. It's quite narcissistic (not saying he's a narc) in that they are addicted to the reflection thy see in the eyes of their temporary love, then when that fades there is nothing left so they chuck you.
I've been through this (haven't we all!) and seen it countless times with friends and on here.
It's not you with a dysfunction, it's him.

Sounds like I'm not the only one to be affected by a short term full on relationship and whilst I don't like to think of other people feeling shitty because of the end of a relationship -after the initial comments - makes me realise there isn't anything wrong with me. Funny - the good guy I dated got in touch Sunday and I'm meeting him for coffee this week.

Sounds like just what you need. Hope the coffee goes well.

Really feel for you. I've been through similar. It's just hard when we know that we would never treat someone like that - it's just hard to understand how they can do it to someone they supposedly cared for.

I would worry about the crying etc in front of my daughter. Don't read anything into the shirt. There is a book called' He's just not that into you' which is great for helping you to let go of someone (or the idea of him).

No there's absolutely nothing wrong with you wild west - elenio summed it up well - 'love drunk' - it hadn't had the chance to get going and there is a sense of loss,which can be devastating, for what could have been - glad you've been asked out for coffee - a much well needed confidence boost if nothing else - I'm not at that stage yet - still licking my wounds for now

Hi Wildwest, another one here who understands and has been through it, although a long, long time ago.

I knew someone only a few months but it took me a year to get over him. Whereas I had a 7-year relationship that I walked away from and hardly shed a tear.

There is a simple explanation - after years with someone, we've had a chance to see their imperfections and clay feet, we've had a chance to feel disappointed and disillusioned. But after three or four months we're still head over heels with them and can't see anything but perfection in them.

You will get over it, honestly. It just takes time.
Take care x

Gosh those heady days of early 'love' can you remember when in the early stages you would be thinking 'oh no I have three whole days of work before I see him again' or the day after a night together those flutters in your stomach, at remembering the night before? The hopes the dreams.. I have known for a veeeeryy long time that these feelings don't last but when a relationship ends abruptly it can be incredibly painful. To those of you who think you can control these emotions I am not sure whether I envy you (as I have no control over these early feelings if I think its the right man much) or pity you as the feeling is the best thing ever! But all too painful when its ripped away from you

Apologies for my misplaced 'much'!

I'm sorry OP. Believe me you aren't the first or last to feel this way. Sadly though he does sound like he either wasn't over his ex and/or on the rebound. That's probably why the ignoring. He probably doesn't like to think of the end of his marriage and the time that followed.

It is upsetting when we realise someone has moved on with a great ease but that always happens in relationship breakups- one always moved on faster than the other.

Yes I think I was definitely the rebound sadly. I'm annoyed at myself for entertaining him when I knew it was way too soon for him to even be suggesting anything serious. other posters have said longer relationships didn't have the same impact and that's how I feel. Having not seen him for nearly a year I can see that I romanticised an ideal of him, but Sat really made me realise I'm nothing to him. .. not even a fond memory! Sad. But time to re-train my thought pattern! But definitely agree that when things end on a early High - the come down is hard!!