I don't really know if this is normal or I'm just needy?

[Tinytillytot]

I've been with DP for two years. We argue a lot and it really gets me down. We haven't spoken for three days now because of something that happened on Tuesday. Let me explain even though I'm embarrassed to do so as it's so petty. We were walking and I was explaining something that had happened at work, I finished the story but DP was just looking straight ahead with no expression on his face. I thought maybe he hadn't heard so repeated but he continued to stare straight ahead with no flicker of acknowledgement or reply etc. I asked him why he was being so rude and his response (as always) was that I'm "mental". He then told me that earlier I'd walked in front of him and that was rude but he didn't feel the need to "pull me up on it". This sort of thing happens all the time. There are other issues, we don't have sex really, once every month maybe and he refuses to kiss me. Recently I asked him to kiss me and he sighed. I feel really unattractive. He will often talk to me like I'm a child repeatedly and robotically in a way that makes me want to scream and I have to dig my nails into my hands to stop myself. If i get upset when we fight then he laughs in my face and says im mad or mental. I'm sorry, this all sounds pathetic but I feel like I'm losing the plot a bit. I don't even know what I'm asking???

You don't like this mam really do you? You're not married and haven't mentioned children. I'd get out. It's horrible to be feeling like this about someone and after only two years. Move on and find someone with whom you can have a mutually respectful, loving, affectionate and supportive relationship.

It doesn't sound pathetic or mental at all. You're clearly very unhappy and telling you you're "mental" is not the act of someone who's a loving partner at all.

I think you need to think about why you're in this relationship, it sounds like you'd be happier on your own.

Have you considered not being in a relationship with him? In two yours, things should not be that bad.

It's not normal. It's a shit relationship. I'd end it if I were you.

You're only 'needy' in the sense that everyone needs respect and kindness and consideration in their couple relationship.

He sounds horrible.

He does not respect you. He does not consider you. He is dominating you. Possibly he does not find you attractive (I am sure you are), possibly he might be gay but trying to tell himself he is not. People get grumpy when they know they are in the wrong but blame them feeling guilty on supposed things (petty) on the other person to justify their anger. This then becomes a cycle of behaviour. This is the 21st century not medieaval Britain. Run for the hills.

Errrm this is a really crap relationship OP. Why on earth are you together?

He's not really either darling or partner at all, is he ?

Good god that's not normal. You're not needy. He doesn't sound as if he likes or respects you. staying with someone who treats you like that will be terrible for your self esteem -which doesn't sound great if you've accepted this treatment. It's great that you're now asking the question - your instincts are telling you it's not right. Trust your instincts and end this relationship.

He sounds horrible. It's not normal. It's not even how you would treat a normal acquaintance, let alone a partner. I'd get out before you waste any more of your time with him.

A good relationship is where you both actually like each other, enjoy spending time together and making each other laugh. It's not an impossible dream but maybe for the two of you together it is. Feeling that your partner actively likes you is not even a deal breaker, it's the basic point of being a couple.

It sounds a little like a victim/oppressor relationship - he's being mean to you to satisfy something in himself and knowing that you're not going to come back to him on it. (Other than crying or becoming upset - which would make him feel even better because he knows he's hurting you and will feel even more powerful.)

Just read what you said:

...He then told me that earlier I'd walked in front of him and that was rude but he didn't feel the need to "pull me up on it"...

And that's just one instance! Dear Goodness.

This is not a relationship you need to be in - and paticularly not one where you should have children or give him any more 'hostages'. Neither will it necessarily end with the 'cold treatment' - tell me, has he ever thrown anything inside the house or hit you?

I would finish it quickly. You're not needy but you do deserve someone who treats you with love and respect and not as an emotional punchbag.

Does he do anything that makes you happy?

Maybe you could make it clear to him that if he wanted to leave you wouldn't fall apart etc. See what he does then.

Good god, he sounds horrible! Why would you put yourself through this?

End it with him. Go and find someone nice!

Why on earth are you with him?

He is an emotional abuser.

This is just a really shit relationship.

Don't turn it on yourself with questions about whethery you're mental and needy. This is a shit relationship, and you're unhappy to the point that you have to dig your nails in your palms to stop from screaming.

Get out. Get out. Get out.

You are unhappy. That is reason enough.

Yes - it is reason enough. Are you bound up with him in any mortgage or something similarly long term?

He doesn't like you.

You don't like yourself much either, if you choose to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't like you.

Would you rather this misery, than being on your own? How much more miserable does it have to get?

Thanks for all the replies, I wrote that whilst upset and with a dying battery on my phone so it’s all quite rambling and disjointed. I’ve probably drip fed a little in the sense that I should have said that a lot of the time we really do get on, he makes me laugh and I care for him deeply. But there are instances like the one I explained above that just come out of the blue without warning and this then follows with days and days of silent treatment.

We live together and I’m now in my early thirties and I think I am scared of leaving and not meeting anyone else or having a child. Which I know (I KNOW) is ridiculous. But also, as above, when its good its good!

Also, I think it’s relevant that my childhood was chaotic and dysfunctional and my parents relationship was not a good example (crime, violence etc) and I think I have confidence issues stemming from that. I have never really felt like I was as good as other people despite being fairly successful now I still feel like I’m not really good enough for anyone really. That’s not a sob story, I’m just old enough now to look back and recognise that I have felt that way for a long time. So, I think I am struggling to understand the parameters of a normal relationship? I think what I'm getting at is that although I recognise this is not a normal relationship I often doubt my judgement based on my previous experience?

He's a dick , get rid asap

A lot of the time we really do get on, he makes me laugh and I care for him deeply. But there are instances like the one I explained above that just come out of the blue without warning and this then follows with days and days of silent treatment.

You are in denial love.