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Relationships

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Original poster

So jealous of older SIL youthful looks!

69 replies

gastongirl · 04/02/2015 17:41

I am so jealous of my brothers wife, she is 39 nearly 4 years older than me but she looks so young and pretty. I've known here since her teens and she was always careful about staying out of the sun, putting on sunscreen, hats and sun glasses and would often suggest to me that I might put some on but I loved the sun (still do) so was out in it every chance I got. I used to think she was boring and lacked glamour because she didn't wear make up or style and colour her hair. She has never worn much make up or been very interested in fashion (my passion) but instead always spend money expensive skincare which I could never see the point of.

She has never smoked, drank alcohol, did drugs or been a party girl she is a vegetarian who cooks pretty much every meal from scratch. Perviously she was a little heavy and because that her looks were kind of under the radar but now she has lost weight she looks amazing.

She is nearly 40 and doesn't have a single line or wrinkle on her face not even under her eyes. There is no way she gets botox because she is super paranoid about toxins and she can move her face just fine. I believe she does go for decleor facials and massage every couple of months.

For her being healthy was always a priority and I was much more devil may care but its caught up with me now, I truly believe I look much older then her. Last year I decided to revamp my looks with a new cute hairstyle, new make up, skincare and clothes but if anything I look even older now (mainly due to the hairstyle being too short) I have deep lines on my face, bags and sagging. I think I'm normal for my age but my sister in laws youthful looks make me feel like a hag.

I would say she looks to be in her mid 20's, suddenly I can see how her undone studently style works for her. If we meet new people they often assume she is my 27 year old brothers girlfiend as even his 29 year old girlfriend looks older than her. Men really notice her and I can't help it but it makes me feel so bad, I used to be the pretty one but I just feel like my cute years are behind me now and that I never really put any effort into looking after what I had.

OP posts:

ncforthisx · 04/02/2015 17:48

right.. well, you mentioned botox.. or learn to love yourself

Original poster

gastongirl · 04/02/2015 17:49

I have had botox in the past and its great but it only lasted about 8 weeks and I just can't afford to keep getting it.

OP posts:

McSqueezy · 04/02/2015 17:51

If she looks so young, she looks younger than a 29 year old, you had no chance even a decade ago.

I suspect there is more to this, and it is far more about how you feel about yourself than your SIL and her youthful looks.

Vivacia · 04/02/2015 17:53

I'm not really sure what you want from this thread.

How do you feel about the decisions you've made in the past?

Original poster

gastongirl · 04/02/2015 17:54

of course it is about me getting older and realising that my best looking days are behind me but having someone older but much younger looking around me so much just sticks in my craw. I am angry at myself too because she always warned me about too much booze and sun but I ignored it like I would be immune but when I gtot to 33 or so I just seemed to age over night. Its not fair :(

OP posts:

Vivacia · 04/02/2015 17:55

Its not fair

From your version of events, it seems that it's exactly fair.

Original poster

gastongirl · 04/02/2015 17:55

I do regret not taking better care of myself and I regret not finding a partner when I was in my 20's but at the time I just always felt that I have so many options that why should I settle, I still feel that way but the men don't seem to agree.

OP posts:

BumpAndGrind · 04/02/2015 17:55

I look young and youthful.

I smoke and eat crap and everything. It's just as much to do with genes as it is lifestyle if not more so

Original poster

gastongirl · 04/02/2015 17:56

Bumpandgrind, how old are you now?

OP posts:

sebsmummy1 · 04/02/2015 17:57

Bloody hell even I'm jealous of her!

AHatAHatMyKingdomForAHat · 04/02/2015 17:57

Why are you so bothered about your looks?

Happy36 · 04/02/2015 17:58

If you are serious about it if you adopt her healthy lifestyle (particularly giving up alcohol or keeping to the very occasional one glass and keeping out of the sun) then you could really turn back the clock. Also you could ask her for a recommendation to get a facial. However personally I wouldn´t spend money on a facial without trying to be healthy in other ways (diet, exercise, sunscreen, etc.)

Use your envy to kickstart yourself into a healthier lifestyle. You will be healthier on the inside too.

magoria · 04/02/2015 18:01

You know it is very very sad that you judge not only yourself but her based on appearance.

What about her/your personality?

Very sad that you would just such a phrase as it sticks in your craw.

BumpAndGrind · 04/02/2015 18:06

I'm in my 30's.

I wasn't trying to sound smug. I was just pointing out that she could have looked like this even if she smoked and drank and did drugs and you could still look like you even if you never ever saw a UV ray and moisturised hourly.

Love you for you. For all you know, SIL could be crazy envious of your carefree outlook on life.

Original poster

gastongirl · 04/02/2015 18:08

Bumpandgrind I'm sorry but it will catch up to you some day. Good genes do help but they only get you so far. Even cosmetic dermatologists no that. If you still look good now then change your habits now to limit the damage.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 04/02/2015 18:12

You seem to be under the impression that what benefits her detracts from you .

And I agree with magoria - use these feelings to start some new healthier habits.

BumpAndGrind · 04/02/2015 18:14

No need. I'm not bothered too much by how I look to others.

If I get old and ugly, so be it.

CaptainJamesTKirk · 04/02/2015 18:16

Its not fair
From your version of events, it seems that it's exactly fair..

It's not good to envy and be jealous of other people, especially family members. Try to make some changes to yourself now to improve your health and appearance but ultimately there are always going to be people younger than you, thinner than you, prettier than you etc...

AHatAHatMyKingdomForAHat · 04/02/2015 18:17

Is this really about finding a man?

And you think being less attractive than when you were younger is a problem?

You said you had high standards when it comes to men. Good.

Being smoking hot would be a problem because every bloke would try it on and be on his best behaviour to get into your pants. They wouldn't give a monkeys about your personality. One day everyone's looks fade and if the personality match isn't there, it's over. Just look at Rod Stewart's series of identikit wives and girlfriends.

Imo, it is important to show that you value yourself when finding a partner. Taking care of your appearance is one part of that.

If you are more devil may care, blokes you'll get along with won't like a Gwyneth Paltrow type woman who eats perfectly, exercises perfectly etc.

If your appearance reflects that you had a fun youth then maybe that'll help you find the right man for you. He might look a bit Ozzy Osbourne though

PollyIndia · 04/02/2015 18:48

Well, I am in a not dissimilar position in that I am 39 and over the last 3 years, I think I have aged about 10. My love of sun, all night partying, booze and fags has come back to haunt me, plus I've had a baby which also ages you.
However, I really don't care. I had an amazing time right up until I got pregnant and I know that my wrinkles are the price I paid. I wouldn't change any of it. If you are happy with you, you will always attract people. Make the best of what you have and who you are and never regret having had fun. Jealousy particularly will eat you up and that will look worse on your features than a few wrinkles.

Joysmum · 04/02/2015 18:54

If you were that bothered, you'd change your lifestyle.

Original poster

gastongirl · 04/02/2015 19:26

Well I do work out and I take better care of my skin now but I think to get rid of my lines and wrinkles I need to do laser or something which will cost £1000's. I am slim and I work out spinning and body pump etc but I hate cooking such a waste of time so I prefer to eat out and use ready meals.

She is a bit gwyneth paltrow like but not as skinny and and she has better skin, Gwyneth actually has a lot of sun damage but she also has the cash for treatments to make her look better.

How she looks does effect me because were family and often together at family events and on holiday and while 5 year ago it was me men were looking at and approching now it is her. They don't give me a second look, like I'm not even good enough to be second best when she sends them packing.

I'm just upset, I could never have imagined my looks would alter so much and in so little time. I am not used to being over looked. I have spoken to a dermatologist at a private clinic and discusses my issues and my sil with him and he has confirmed my fears that pretty much nothing he can do will have the same effect as a life time of being careful in the sun, eating well and avoiding booze.

I used to look at women in their late 30's and wonder what happened to them, why they had eye bags that went down their cheeks, or so many lines they joined up when they smiled and went form eye to jaw, why they looked so red and dry with big pores and now thats my face in the mirror.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 04/02/2015 19:44

Well, my heart bleeds for you.

holdyourown · 04/02/2015 19:47

Why are you so fixated on looks? - part of coming to terms with getting older is thinking about what else you might have to offer and what other pleasures life holds for you. People with wrinkles and bad skin can be beautiful anyway, it comes from the inside.

wonderingwoman64 · 04/02/2015 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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