So jealous of older SIL youthful looks!

[gastongirl]

I am so jealous of my brothers wife, she is 39 nearly 4 years older than me but she looks so young and pretty. I've known here since her teens and she was always careful about staying out of the sun, putting on sunscreen, hats and sun glasses and would often suggest to me that I might put some on but I loved the sun (still do) so was out in it every chance I got. I used to think she was boring and lacked glamour because she didn't wear make up or style and colour her hair. She has never worn much make up or been very interested in fashion (my passion) but instead always spend money expensive skincare which I could never see the point of.

She has never smoked, drank alcohol, did drugs or been a party girl she is a vegetarian who cooks pretty much every meal from scratch. Perviously she was a little heavy and because that her looks were kind of under the radar but now she has lost weight she looks amazing.

She is nearly 40 and doesn't have a single line or wrinkle on her face not even under her eyes. There is no way she gets botox because she is super paranoid about toxins and she can move her face just fine. I believe she does go for decleor facials and massage every couple of months.

For her being healthy was always a priority and I was much more devil may care but its caught up with me now, I truly believe I look much older then her. Last year I decided to revamp my looks with a new cute hairstyle, new make up, skincare and clothes but if anything I look even older now (mainly due to the hairstyle being too short) I have deep lines on my face, bags and sagging. I think I'm normal for my age but my sister in laws youthful looks make me feel like a hag.

I would say she looks to be in her mid 20's, suddenly I can see how her undone studently style works for her. If we meet new people they often assume she is my 27 year old brothers girlfiend as even his 29 year old girlfriend looks older than her. Men really notice her and I can't help it but it makes me feel so bad, I used to be the pretty one but I just feel like my cute years are behind me now and that I never really put any effort into looking after what I had.

^How she looks does effect me because were family and often together at family events and on holiday and while 5 year ago it was me men were looking at and approching now it is her. They don't give me a second look, like I'm not even good enough to be second best when she sends them packing.

I'm just upset, I could never have imagined my looks would alter so much and in so little time. I am not used to being over looked.^

Oh good grief.

All I can say is grow the heck up and become an interesting person instead of a looks-obsessed one.

It sounds like you're on the verge of disliking her because she gets attention now - which she is indifferent to anyway.

It's not going to get better, your looks are only going to get worse. It'll be a sad waste if you're still obsessed by old glories when you're 55, instead of actually living your life.

Is that you Frances? You sound just like my SIL so I had to ask.

are you both single and looking for a man, OP? if not, why does it matter that men look at her? if it upsets you so much , don't go on holiday with her, but go with a single friend who looks your age if that helps .

But agree with others, that the main thing is, try to be happy regardless of your looks getting worse - yes, it's hard but it's a transition to being older for most women, so you have to find other feel-good things about yourself.

Or aim for men who are older (and not so shallow). Agree that if you are unhappy and look disappointed when in company of this woman, that would put men off more than just lines/wrinkles. Again don't pine for some young shallow guys if you do that and try to value inner qualities more in then in in yourself.

*them and in youtself

Go to cougar bars, you'll get the attention there :P

Yes but you've lived life. She might live forever and look 17 but she'll be bored. I'd rather have had fun than sat around sucking on tofu.

My SIL is exactly like you.

Are you American?

Seriously though -- fuck worrying about how your sister in law looks. I expect your eye-bags/old look come from stress and putting too much pressure on yourself. Loosen up and have a laugh, I bet you'll look five years' younger.

Is she in love with your brother and they're a good pair? A lot of glow comes from happy relationships. I think I look younger now than when I met my DH. Fwiw I went on all the sunny holidays too, and I loved them!

And don't, whatever you do, steam your vagina.

When I was 40 I could pass for mid to late 20s.

I'm 47 now and look like a wrinkled old boot. My years of debauchery caught up with me, and fast

My partner has hardly any lines around his eyes yet I have crows feet galore. I put it down to my deep set eyes but also a lot more laughing in my life!

I'm in my late 30's and look like I'm in my mid twenties - it's only in recent years that people have said it to me, as I've got older obviously.

But - it's not all it's cracked up to be - I don't like being ID'd when buying wine and having to do the walk of shame out of the shop if I don't have any, I worry I'm not taken seriously at times, like I'm a kid playing at 'adult' conversation!

P.s smoker and big drinker here too, hate sunbathing though.

"Never be afraid of getting older. Many people don't get the privilege".

For what it's worth I am going on for 60 and still get told I look younger occasionally. Nice to hear even if I don't like what I see in the mirror. (I certainly don't feel 60!)

But hey! I did all that - and still do lol! - partying, who gives a fuck what the rest of the world thinks of me. That is the great thing about getting older, you care less about other people's opinions (except those you love).

After all, that is all it is. An opinion. Not "god's truth". True beauty comes from within. May be a cliche but it's true. Met many men and women with good looks who are terribly arrogant and self-important. Total turn-off.

Yes but you've lived life. She might live forever and look 17 but she'll be bored. I'd rather have had fun than sat around sucking on tofu.

Yeah, because she's definitely the one lacking joy in her life

Bloody hell you're unhealthily obsessed!
With your looks, with her looks, with looks in general.

I'm very at your comment that you didn't notice her young face before because she was a little heavy! So you totally wrote her off for shallow reasons, now you're pissed off people are doing the same to you?!

I'm one of those fresh faced people who regularly got asked for ID at 35. I'm a non smoker and non drinker. Wore sun screen because of cancer rather than wrinkles - never used a moisturiser or had a "skin care regime".

Then my hormones changed. I know this, because of the delight of developing new chin / upper lip hairs. I've aged almost overnight.

You know what? Don't give a fuck.
I'm kind, and interesting and funny to those on my wavelength. Attractive too. I just happen to look older now. It. Doesn't. Matter.

This thread has reminded me of the Nigella vs Gillian Mckeith images that were circulating a few years ago so I googled and found this which struck a chord that to make a comparison is unfair, judgemental and nobody 'wins'. Society places so much judgement of women on looks, and looks alone. Until we stop doing it to ourselves/each other what hope is there that we'll ever see men stop? Although I know that's not your main focus you're buying into the idea that others determine your self worth and that there's a pecking order of looks-ism in the world. Better to be happy with yourself, enjoy your new look, don't focus on others unless its to appreciate what's good about them as well.

Hope that doesn't sound preachy, it's a big issue for me sometimes. I'm speaking as a smug 50 year old with no lines to speak of and maybe 10 grey hairs (plus fabulous highlights as of last weekend) and I get regular comments about how young I look when people I've met find out I've got two grown kids... I take the compliments graciously but it makes me feel uneasy, like I'm on borrowed time!

I've been to yoga classes several times a week for 25 years. Was drinking green juice back in the 80's. I go to the gym etc etc.
Friends say " you are so lucky you are so toned & slim" luck has had bugger all to do with it. Just a lot of effort.
On the other hand I have baked in the sun for years, & have a face like a prune.

You need to find another focus, OP - it sounds like you've been preoccupied with ageing and appearance for a long time. If you don't find a way to get some perspective and be grateful for what you have, this will eat you up.

I'm in my mid thirties and I look it! But I don't see that as a bad thing. I look after my body with daily exercise and trying to get enough sleep. There are things happening to my face that I can't do anything about so why waste time trying.

Vanity is one of the least attractive qualities in a person. You should start looking out, not in.

Just be healthier yoyrself, learn to love yrslf.

Women are allowed to age you know!

It gets us all in the end, but dont let that be a consolation!