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Original poster

So jealous of older SIL youthful looks!

69 replies

gastongirl · 04/02/2015 17:41

I am so jealous of my brothers wife, she is 39 nearly 4 years older than me but she looks so young and pretty. I've known here since her teens and she was always careful about staying out of the sun, putting on sunscreen, hats and sun glasses and would often suggest to me that I might put some on but I loved the sun (still do) so was out in it every chance I got. I used to think she was boring and lacked glamour because she didn't wear make up or style and colour her hair. She has never worn much make up or been very interested in fashion (my passion) but instead always spend money expensive skincare which I could never see the point of.

She has never smoked, drank alcohol, did drugs or been a party girl she is a vegetarian who cooks pretty much every meal from scratch. Perviously she was a little heavy and because that her looks were kind of under the radar but now she has lost weight she looks amazing.

She is nearly 40 and doesn't have a single line or wrinkle on her face not even under her eyes. There is no way she gets botox because she is super paranoid about toxins and she can move her face just fine. I believe she does go for decleor facials and massage every couple of months.

For her being healthy was always a priority and I was much more devil may care but its caught up with me now, I truly believe I look much older then her. Last year I decided to revamp my looks with a new cute hairstyle, new make up, skincare and clothes but if anything I look even older now (mainly due to the hairstyle being too short) I have deep lines on my face, bags and sagging. I think I'm normal for my age but my sister in laws youthful looks make me feel like a hag.

I would say she looks to be in her mid 20's, suddenly I can see how her undone studently style works for her. If we meet new people they often assume she is my 27 year old brothers girlfiend as even his 29 year old girlfriend looks older than her. Men really notice her and I can't help it but it makes me feel so bad, I used to be the pretty one but I just feel like my cute years are behind me now and that I never really put any effort into looking after what I had.

OP posts:
newstart15 · 04/02/2015 19:58

The only comments you make are about her external appearances - is that how you judge people, rather than character? I think you could use this experience to change your views and perhaps start making judgements about people on how they behave, not look.

I wonder if you're just coming to terms with the fact that you are getting older. Are you unhappy in your life?

MargotLovedTom · 04/02/2015 20:02

Dear me.

Nobody likes to think of their looks fading but all this angst seems a bit OTT.

You admit you're jealous. Unless you're SIL turns into a raving party girl overnight then this is how it's going to be. You can't affect her looks but you can try to do something about your own even if a lot of the damage has been done already.

In the greater scheme of things does it matter if she looks younger than you?

MargotLovedTom · 04/02/2015 20:03

your SIL, not you're

SingingSands · 04/02/2015 20:04

Hey, it's not a competition. Don't be so tough on yourself.

Littleturkish · 04/02/2015 20:09

Proper beauty, real beauty, comes from being a happy, kind person.

Laughing, being nice, looking for the good in people- this is the best way to be happy. Then when you feel happy, you won't care about what you look like.

It's just looks. It doesn't actually matter.

fredfredsausagehead1 · 04/02/2015 20:14

It is hard but I agree that as you get older you can't rely on looks, it will happen to her and maybe suddenly.

I personally try to be a kind, one, warm, friendly, interested in other people person, I happy smile, kind eyes and a friendly, kind word is very attractive.

Pretty and youthful is not always attractive!

Sleetsleetmoresleet · 04/02/2015 20:19

"I used to be the pretty one but I just feel like my cute years are behind me now and that I never really put any effort into looking after what I had."

Your cute years are over cause you are a grown woman. Seriously, try to focus on being happy and genuine, fit and healthy. Everyone can look stunning if they live healthily and are content with their life. Don't be jealous, it's pointless, you are not in competition with this woman. I really hope you can get over this otherwise and appreciate what you do have. Flowers

Vivacia · 04/02/2015 20:21

Your cute years are over cause you are a grown woman.

The problem is that this other woman is older and is still youthful and attractive. Not only that, but she sounds really nice and beautiful on the inside too.

Twinklestein · 04/02/2015 20:24

I dunno, I have a similar thing with a friend of mine but from the other side. When we were young I told her not to put her face in the sun, to give up smoking and not drink so much. She carried on and now she's angry with me because she has lines and I don't. However, she looks great, she's made it a big thing in her head, but in reality lines are nothing. She's a really attractive woman, I highly doubt anyone looking at us would think 'she's got lines and she hasn't', unless they were really shallow, in which case who cares?

The problem imo is that she's lost a bit of confidence, perhaps that's what's happened with you OP. Thinking about it now perhaps she was a bit preoccupied with looks in the past, and gives them more significance than they deserve. Perhaps looks aren't as important as you think they are? Perhaps other people responding to you aren't just going on your face, but your personality, vibe etc?

TopazRocks · 04/02/2015 20:27

jealous, really? How have you the energy? Confused It sounds from to=your OP she took care of her skin in the sun, and you say you didn't. Why jealous?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 04/02/2015 20:29

I'd rather have drank and smoked and not look 29 at 40 tbh Grin

I've had so much fun living that the lines I acquire don't really bother me.

CatsClaus · 04/02/2015 20:32

maybe she'll get run down by a bus or something and you can get back to being Ms Popular?

you sound very bitter, and wrinkles or not that's a bad look.

Mouthfulofquiz · 04/02/2015 20:39

If it's any consolation, I've worn suncream every day since I was 20. Plenty of excercise (before kids) and not a lot of booze often. 2 children and a nasty illness later and I've aged 10 years in the last 3. It's a bummer for sure. I bet you look lovely. Try not to give it too much heed. When we are 80 no one will give a shit who is more wrinkly!!

holeinmyheart · 05/02/2015 10:56

When I was young I was taken by my Landlady to her sister's pool for a swim. She would have been at least 70 at the time.

I lay beside her in my itsy bitsy, weighing nothing, soaking up the sun. She said to me, looking down at her own body, how horrified she was at the wrinkled mess. ( she was stick thin and smoked like a trooper)

I commiserated with her, but secretly thought, with the arrogance of youth, why was she bothering , as no one was going to look at her anyway.

Now I am her age I think a lot about how I look and I safeguard my face. I am horrified to see young people out in the sun without a hat.

There are a lot of people my age who look much older and there are a lot of people who look much younger. What you do as you age does make a difference. Genes, smoking, lifestyle etc.

As 80 is the new 60, I think you will find many 80 year olds care about their looks.
The poor post is suffering from jealousy. But there is always someone richer, better looking, brainier than you. Much better to try and be content with your lot in life and not look around for comparisons.

The only way to really look younger is to have surgery. That is way too scary.

yougotafriend · 05/02/2015 11:21

I'm 48 have never smoked or done drugs but have drank a lot & partied load since I was 16. Most people think I'm about 40 tho!! I do think genes have a lot to do with it.

For me I think seeing someone happy and confident in themselves is far more attractive than their physical appearance, maybe the men are overlooking you now not because your looks have faded, but because you're jealous and bitter about it. As someone else said, there will always be someone younger, thinner, taller, better legs, nicer hair - to make comparisons and find yourseelf lacking in someway is the road to madness!!

BTW at a recent family funeral I went to speak to a cousin I haven't seen for about 15 yrs, my SIL came over to say hello too - (she is 3 yrs younger than me but is about 5ft nothing and wears a size 10 where I am 5ft 7 and wear a size 14) - the cousin thought she was my niece!!! Haha, I'm not losing any sleep over it tho - just wanted to point out that we all counld be filled with angst about how our appearance is judged by others.

nikki1978 · 05/02/2015 11:32

I am in my mid 30's and have pretty much no lines on my face but I smoked and drank like there was no tomorrow until about a year ago. I have always been careful in the sun though and my friends who haven't look older. I also have good genes - my mum is much less wrinkled than other women her age.

I don't care though. I hardly ever wear makeup and have no skin routine. I am happy with what I see when I look in the mirror. That is the most important thing.

UnityQuilt · 05/02/2015 12:24

Hmm, mixed up me.

Obsessive sun avoiding goth til about 18. Then chain smoking sun bathing drug taking booze swilling all night raving never sleeping in my twenties...

Did pick up a yoga and organic food/skincare habit in amongst all the hedonism though.

Now pushing 40 and no lines to speak of yet.

But then my granma didn't really have any wrinkles when she was 100!

Haha I am Dorian Gray.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2015 12:33

Always remember this!

So jealous of older SIL youthful looks!
hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2015 12:34

This one is even better.

So jealous of older SIL youthful looks!
zerosuitsamus · 05/02/2015 12:40

Some people just look younger. My mum eats whatever he wants, is out for meals every day, and drinks wine, but at 60 has the body and figure of late 40s. Some people just look younger and I would say it is 90% genes

ITHOUGHTISAW2ANGELSAHEADOFME · 05/02/2015 14:32

I look young. Young enough to be an extra in waterloo road despite being in my 30's. It has its disadvantages though i notice that many people are rude to me out and about cause they assume i am a college student dossing about. Its hurtful and judgemental. It does have its disadvantages. You have to start saying to yourself i choose not to be jealous because bitterness will destroy your relationship.

BeCool · 05/02/2015 14:47

Envy is the thief of joy.

You'll always find someone who looks younger, prettier, thinner etc if you look for it. Total waste of time IMO, but carry on by all means if that's how you want to spend your life.

HootyMcTooty · 05/02/2015 17:40

Maybe try judging people (others and yourself) less on appearances and more on character.

daisychain01 · 05/02/2015 18:27

Beauty is but skin-deep

Please don't waste another moment of your life on this cycle of envy. It will increase the lines on your forehead!

Maybe you can start a general healthy living regime from today, not a "diet" or fad, but being good to your body and focussing on some enjoyable activities / interests that will increase your self-esteem, so you think beyond other people's looks.

Close your eyes, for 5 minutes
Block your ears, for 5 minutes
Sit in a chair, for 5 minutes

Now imagine being that way for the rest of your life .... that is some people's reality.....

Branleuse · 05/02/2015 18:45

really honey. Sounds like she looked after her skin, and you enjoyed your youth without worrying about it. Either way it doesnt matter, but there comes a time when looks change and the years show on your face.
If you always felt confident about your appearance before, this can be a shock, but theres so much more to you than that, and theres also so much more to your SIL. Youre just two women. You can either sit there and pine for your youthful looks, or you can make your identity about other things in this stage of your life.