Am I a bad person for feeling this way about kids?

[monacgogo88]

Ok this is probably pretty bad to write here, I don’t have kids yet but am currently feeling pressured to have them a bit my parents would love grandchildren, its expected, I’m not getting any younger, what if I regret not having them etc. I have limited experience with babies and children and am somewhat ill at ease with them, I don’t like the way they stare at me, I always feel like I am supposed to fuss over children and the expectation annoys me. I don’t dislike children and babies are interesting to watch as they learn and develop but they are boring and time demanding. I guess to me I don’t see what is so special about them; they are not precious little angels but just people, little people … big deal!
I know I’d probably feel different about my own kids that hormones would kick in and I’d love my baby but I think I’d be changed forever into a Mum and I worry that change would snowball away from me and that I would become someone else without my consent or even my knowledge. I just don’t know if I can make that choice to alter my life for another person if I don’t have to. So many women seem to see babies as almost magical but to me they are just people (very demanding people), they will grow up to be as messed up and as happy and unhappy as everyone else but they aren’t special. I don’t know if I am envious of the way other women see babies and children I listen to them say things like “but it would be someone to love and who would love me” or “wouldn’t you be so proud of them if they became a doctor or a ballet dancer?” Well no, I don’t have any career aspirations for my unborn children and while I am sure I would love my baby I don’t pine for its love.
I don’t much care for animals either; I mean I do like them in the wild but I find people loving and being loved by animals in their own home slightly weird. I am not cold or unfeeling, I am very loving and affectionate with my partner and that is the one thing that makes me seriously think about babies that I think he would like to have a child.
Am I some kind of heartless aberration, sometimes I think I am just realistic and would be as good a mum as anyone but it always comes down to do I want to make a baby that will alter who I am in unknown ways and be my priority forever more?

I'm currently pregnant with my first, very much wanted child at 33 but until I was 31, I was absolutely convinced that I didn't want children and still don't have much of a maternal instinct.

Until that point, I felt a huge amount of pressure from society in general and from my family in particular to have children because, as a pp said 'it is just what you do'.

I think that if I hadn't had a long period of therapy for other issues, I would still be saying the same thing and feeling the same pressure but I know now that I am having this child because it is what I (and my DH, obviously) want and it is the right time for us.

I get very irate when people question other people's decisions on such a personal matter. One thing that irks me in particular is the fact that a woman who chooses not to have children is constantly scrutinised and pressured into justifying that choice whereas nobody would ever DREAM of asking for the same justification from someone who chose to have children.

OP, I think that the important thing is to do what is right for you and your DH. If that means taking a little time to talk to someone and understand the reasons behind your feelings then please take that time. In my case, for example, I realised that I had convinced myself I didn't want children because I was terrified that I would reproduce my mother's terrible behaviour and the relationship I have with her. I am very glad to have been able to work that out at the right time and have a therapist to help me come to terms with the fact that I am not doomed to repeat the same cycle. I think that if I hadn't taken that leap, I would have been faced by deep regret at a later date. In your case, it may turn out that there aren't any deeper reasons and that children just aren't something you want for yourself and that is absolutely fine. What matters most is awareness and being true to yourself and saying fuck you to anyone who tries to pressure you or tell you otherwise

I've never ever felt broody....have 1 dd late in life....still surprises me as never wanted any. Nothing more boring than other people's dc though or talking about them or feigning interest....