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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Messaging other women.

57 replies

Superwomansuglysister · 02/02/2015 17:49

This morning I went to log into Facebook messenger on the iPad i share with dp but he hadn't logged off.
I saw loads of messages to and from women with him saying that he wants to meet them, one in particular we see out on a regular basis who pointed out that whenever dhe sees him we are together and he told her where not and he can do what he likes.
We have been together two years and are moving in together next week.
Wwyd?

OP posts:
badbaldingballerina123 · 02/02/2015 17:50

Well I wouldn't be moving in !

Paddlingduck · 02/02/2015 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 02/02/2015 17:57

You're not living together and don't have children?

Get rid and be grateful you've only wasted 2 years with him and not a whole lifetime.

BuzzardBird · 02/02/2015 17:58

Do not move in with him. You have had a 'lucky' escape. Get rid, he is a cheater...but you know this already as you have the evidence.

Superwomansuglysister · 02/02/2015 18:00

No we go out together Ive met his friends and family I should have said that he has had a sexual relationship with this woman before we got together.

OP posts:
wheresthebeach · 02/02/2015 18:01

You have to ask? Confused

BOFster · 02/02/2015 18:01

You don't really need to ask what you should do, do you?

Superwomansuglysister · 02/02/2015 18:02

No we don't have children he has two from a previous relationship.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 02/02/2015 18:02

No-one is going to say any different Superwoman. We are all going to say 'get rid'. What are you hoping we will say?

Superwomansuglysister · 02/02/2015 18:05

I don't know what I'm Hoping you to say tbh.

I haven't seen him yet as he's still at work why would he do this

OP posts:
HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 02/02/2015 18:05

What do you want to hear?

Do you want to move in with a man who's trying to hook up with other women and who is basically denying to them that you are of any importance?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 02/02/2015 18:06

why would he do this?

because he wants to hook up with women.

It really is that simple.

AlistairSim · 02/02/2015 18:08

Thank your lucky stars you found out what a dick he is before you moved in with him.

Paddlingduck · 02/02/2015 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alabastergirl · 02/02/2015 18:09

there is nothing that can excuse or justify what he has done.

Sorry, but if I were you not only would I dump him I would also book in for STI testing sharpish.

inlectorecumbit · 02/02/2015 18:16

Don't be stupid OP.
You really don't need a bunch of virtual "friends" to tell you what to do.
This is where you grow a backbone and tell him to sling his hook.
He denies you are in a relationship-fine, tell him he is so right he is no longer in a relationship with you.
Please get rid before you move in together because we all know that before long you will be posting again about your cheating DP and how to get him out the house you share.
You are worth so much more than this Flowers

worrieddadof2 · 02/02/2015 18:23

Simple answer, Get out.
He will cheat on you, if he hasnt already.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2015 18:24

phew

be pleased you found out now before moving in with him...so tell him to sling his hook

I have a feeling he's going to charm you with some mealy mouthed bullshit, a few tears and voila you just make the worst mistake of your life...

tribpot · 02/02/2015 18:36

You wouldn't seriously contemplate moving in with someone who would do such a thing, are you? Why on earth would you?

Superwomansuglysister · 02/02/2015 18:38

I agree that there is not a good enough reason to say we're not together and I have never seen anything that I need to be suspicious about.
I need to talk to him it's soul destroying.

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 02/02/2015 18:42

He will say it was all just fantasy, make believe he would never cheat on you etc etc etc then he will turn the guilt on you for reading his messages, it will be all your fault as you don't tryst him.
Be prepared for all this OP because it is coming your way

alabastergirl · 02/02/2015 18:46

You don't need to talk to him - you just need to dump him. Or are you going to fall for his excuses and still move in with him?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/02/2015 18:48

Another one urging you to stand up for yourself. He's telling women you're not together in the way other men say 'my wife doesn't understand me'. So tell him you're glad he thinks he can do what he likes because he's going to have lots of opportunity to do that now that you're finishing with him......

halfwildlingwoman · 02/02/2015 18:48

Run for the hills and thank the gods you don't have children or shared finances. You will meet someone who isn't a cheat. There are worse things than being alone. x

Leviticus · 02/02/2015 19:16

You've dodged a bullet by finding out before you moved in together.