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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Messaging other women.

57 replies

Superwomansuglysister · 02/02/2015 17:49

This morning I went to log into Facebook messenger on the iPad i share with dp but he hadn't logged off.
I saw loads of messages to and from women with him saying that he wants to meet them, one in particular we see out on a regular basis who pointed out that whenever dhe sees him we are together and he told her where not and he can do what he likes.
We have been together two years and are moving in together next week.
Wwyd?

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 02/02/2015 19:19

Blimey, OP, you are the luckiest woman in the world! Thank god you found it before moving in!

YouAreMyRain · 02/02/2015 19:20

Do. Not. Move. In. With. Him.

littleleftie · 02/02/2015 19:23

Why do you need to talk to him? Are you just going to believe whatever guff he comes up with? You said there are "loads of messages to and from women with him saying that he wants to meet them"

Either you are happy for your partner to hook up/shag around with other women or you aren't.

When I found out an ex was cheating I just told him I had gone off him, sorry, it was over. This hurt his poor ego far more than if I had had some exhausting mortifying convo about "how could you do this toooooo meeeeeee?"

You are well rid. Just tell yourself "next!"

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 02/02/2015 19:27

So sorry op, it must be a shock.

But he is trying to have his cake and eat it and there isn't a single thing he can say to make this alright by you.

Don't move in together

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/02/2015 19:31

If you move in together it will be a massive error of judgment on your part.

He needs to be dumped as of now by you; the time for talking has long since past.

YellowTulips · 02/02/2015 19:32

The ONLY conversation you need to have is "Fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more".

The ONLY action you need to take is cancel the most move and throw a big party to celebrate the fact you are not going to live with this worthless twit

Ems1812 · 02/02/2015 19:32

Please dump him. I took back my ex who had been messaging other women. Not only did he continue, but I lost all self respect because I knew deep down that he had none for me & by taking him back, I was almost accepting his behaviour as ok. Your DP has no respect for you either & you are worth more than that.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 02/02/2015 19:42

Kudos to you, littleleftie!

Op, you probably feel far from lucky, right now. I know it must be hard to believe that anything good can come of this but really, it can. You would have found this out about him at some point. Definitely better sooner, rather than later. You deserve better than this and he'll never give you better than this, whatever he says.

Joysmum · 02/02/2015 19:44

Cue your boyfriend minimising this.

He'll say he'd never have met up, it was just a bit of harmless fun, that it wasn't cheating....

He's shown you what he's like, imagine now you're 5-10 years in, he's a bit bored, there might be kids and sex drops off. Doesn't take a genius to see what'll happen. Best you found out now.

dirtybadger · 02/02/2015 20:02

Whose iPad is it? If it's his, give it back to him. "This is yours mate. Have it back. See you never."
The fact you're having to ask also suggests to me that when you have dumped him (dear god please do!) you need to work on your self esteem and respect. No one is worth that shit. Really.

HootyMcTooty · 02/02/2015 20:06

You have the opportunity to chalk this down to a luck escape and tell him to fuck off.

Or you can let him explain, minimise, then forgive him, move in together, bash out a few sprogs and then come back here in a few years when you've found out he's cheated on you and broken your heart, again.

Your choice. What will you do?

Goodbetterbest · 02/02/2015 20:41

What Hooty said.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (which you can have if you like as I am currently LTB).

Save yourself. Run, run to the hills.

DontKillMyVibe · 02/02/2015 21:20

Moving in together for the first time should be happy and exciting not clouded with doubt as to whether or not your bloke is trying to hook up with other women. Though there shouldn't be much doubt, it seems v clear from his messages.

Why do you not think that you deserve better than a man who treats you like this OP?

TabbyNicki · 02/02/2015 21:50

Take some screen dumps then dump him

CurlyWurlyCake · 02/02/2015 22:02

Tell him it's over because you can't stand the way he smells after sex, tell him his sperm smells like a wet dog and his sweat smells like an old wheelie bin.

ImperialBlether · 03/02/2015 10:16

And that his breath, when he's close to you, makes you recoil.

HootyMcTooty · 03/02/2015 10:55

So have you talked to him? Don't tell me - it was just a bit of fun, he was curious, flattered, never had any intention of going through with it.

I hope you're ok and I hope you can see through any minimising.

BreakingDad77 · 03/02/2015 11:10

Run Forest RUN!!!!!!

pocketsaviour · 03/02/2015 11:11

WWID?

Make whatever arrangements you need to make to stay where you are currently living.

Call or email a good friend/family member and let them support you through this breakup.

But before that, get back on that iPad and post a status message on his account saying "I'm a cheating lying wanker who tells people I haven't got a girlfriend when in fact I'm about to move in with her (or rather I was, until she found out!) If you have had sexual relations with me, you may want to get yourself checked out at your local STI clinic!"

Then change his password so he can't delete it without a load of hassle

rumred · 03/02/2015 11:16

Oh pocketsaviour you are good. I hope op does this.
Hope you're ok op. I can only echo others in being pleased on your behalf that you found out he's dishonest and dishonourable before committing to living with him

Jan45 · 03/02/2015 11:37

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM - he will definitely lie, minimise, pretend, whatever it takes to convince you that it was just curiosity that went too far, all unintended of course.

If you move in with him, be it on your own head.

PandorasToyBox · 03/02/2015 11:44

Dump his sordid cheating lying arse,
Just tell him that he doesn't float your boat, by text, after his crappy fishing he doesn't deserve to be dumped face to face or spoken on the phone, then block block and block.

Do not give him wriggle room to come up with a load of bullshit or minimising his behaviour.

Good luck op, you have just dodged the bullet.

PandorasToyBox · 03/02/2015 11:48

Here we go op.....

Dear ....., lying cheating fuckers don't float my boat, goodbye.

The block and if he bugs you tell him continuous communication from him will be deemed as harrasment.

I am so and on your behalf. (((Hugs)))

BuzzardBird · 03/02/2015 13:33

Have you seen sense yet OP?

Have you told him you are dumping him before you move in because the thought of spending the rest of your life with someone so inadequate in the bedroom is too much to bare?

Joysmum · 03/02/2015 18:58

Hope you're ok?

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