Husband Caught in Au Pair's Room

[random1]

Hi all. This is my first posting. I'm worried and not sure what to think. My husband and I have been together for 19 years. We almost broke up 5 years ago after our marriage got so bad that we both turned to other people outside our marriage, something we both regret but also something that made us communicate better and appreciate each other more. It's still tough at times but our relationship overall is so much better than ever before. (Other than a bit more arguing, but mainly over the past snd jealousy ). We have 4 children and have had 5 au pairs over the past 4 years. And I've trusted him with them every time. But yesterday, I was shattered after work. We have a fantastic sex life and feel very lucky. I have never said no to him. But yesterday, I just wanted to sleep, so turned him down. I didn't mention he drinks a lot of wine. And he fid this whilst I was sleeping. I woke when he left our bedroom and caught him rummaging in our au pair's bag snd hoing through her dirty laundry basket and having a really big sniff of her knickers. I confronted him and he denied it at first even though he knew I had seen him. Now he keeps apologising but says I don't make him happy sexually anymore. Yet says he doesn't fancy the au pair and he doesn't kjow why he did it. I thought we were happy. I feel numb. The au pair doesn't know as far as I know. I can't look her in the face. She is fantastic with the children. But I don't know if this is the start of more problems. I have told him no more wine in the house ever. But, I don't have the energy to fight for our marriage anymore.

I think the pub men would pay double to sniff the dog pants.

Ok so HQ don't think this op is a troll, right?

but they are allowing all this hilarity and jollity on the thread now that no-one is overtly saying its a troll.

Surely now is the time to delete it with a bland message about "not quite in the spirit of Mumsnet" and we can all forget it ever happened.

Yes?

Who knows, Mintyy.

I'm past caring.

I don't see how someone thinking they could solve the problem of their husband sniffing the au pairs knickers , by banning wine from the house, could be seen as a troll post.

I'm hoping to learn more from apple's tragic experiences.

I thought we were helping

This reminds me of the scene from the Kate Winslett film Little Children where she walks in on the husband with the knickers shoved over his face, getting off to his online fuck buddy. Awkward.
Apologies in advance if this isn't a troll thread.

Any takers?

Are you sniffy mintyy because your post was deleted :(

That Dog: I'm too sexy for my pants...

Excuse me. I am not sniffy at all !

Well this is weird and funny educational. Roared at the image of the greyhounds chasing round the dog track after knickers instead of that rabbit thing.

Maybe OP could suggest that her husband works in a charity clothes shop instead.

Off to make sure my underwear drawer is closed before my dog gets ideas

I lost it at special sauce on the pashmina

Was it special sauce or special sauce ?

Gentleman's relish I believe. I tried to get it off but no joy. Had to discharge the item in the end as we didn't think anyone would come to buy it.

Gentleman's relish is gipping.

OP not been back? Funny that.

Gentleman's relish sounds pervy. Was in 50shades? Glad that passed me by.

And Friendlyapple had to discharge the stained pants in the end...

(Snigger)

The guys in the charity shop were clearly sniffing them to see if they were clean or not.
A totally legitimate reason to sniff pants.
I often do it myself if I find them lying around on the bedroom floor and have to make that all important decision to either put them on, or put them in the washing basket.
I wouldn't want to buy unwashed clothes from a charity shop, so will always have a thorough sniff to ensure they are properly cleaned.
I thought at least 50% of people did this?

Wow what a lovely supportive thread

I bet op is so glad she posted .....

As bizarre as people find the issue there is a real hurting person here

OP . Try and calm down. And I am so sorry that you had to move as your child was abused . That's harrowing and of course you can't move everyone on a whim

But time to plan I think . As not sure how sustainable this marriage is as he seems to be disrespectful

Do you work . Could you earn income and support yourself . How old are children. Where do you want to live and be based .

I think focus on practical as opposed to emotional x

And I think as the father of a sexually Abuaed child he should understand that he crossed a line big time with the poor au pair

Stay calm and practical

I fucking well hope she is a troll and if not the jesting on here is appallingly insensitive tbh

Are you ok OP? I notice you haven't been back to the thread since many people are just pissing about.

Given that the thread hasn't been deleted but MN are aware of it, i'd guess it's real and maybe the posts should be of actual advice or help.

Given your DH's comment about not being happy sexually with you and this horrible incident, i'd say your marriage is over and you need to find a way to deal with that emotionally and practically.