Sister is moving very far from me, and now I don't feel like I want to talk to her anymore.

[blueberrypie0112]

She planned to move there without a job too because it is her desired place to live. She have been staying with me for about 7 months (which my husband does not approve but she doesn't know that) and she has a job here that she hates, and she will not find jobs locally at all. I just feel that she doesn't care to be around, so I just don't want to talk to her anymore. It will be years before she'll or I will be able to visit to see each other.

I also don't think she understood what I mean when we were discussing about her friends not being able to see her in Paris when she was lonely. my sister only stayed in Paris for one year, but her friend visited another friend in England in the past so that made her upset. What she didn't take into consideration that her friend was Childless when she went to England. She just had a baby when my sister went to Paris. I told her that her children will is her priority right now, and my sister said and now I am not so that why I should not be friends with her anymore. It blew me away that she didn't understand what I meant.

It also upset me that she fell one time during the middle of the night and no one heard her in the house so she was like "it just goes to show I am better off alone" and "When your son fell, everyone came to check on him" and "I always checked on him, but he didn't with me (he is a teen)". Seriously, no one could hear her, I don't think she fell hard at all nor screamed loud enough. I told her that he is just a loud person, it is hard to NOT to hear him (well, I am deaf with one cochlear implant so when it is off, I can't hear anything anyhow) . She made me feel horrible because no one could hear I just felt she just want more excuse to end our relationships.

is it normal for me to feel this way?

Blueberry, there is absolutely no reason at all why you should not keep a close relationship with your sister, even if she lives 2,000 miles away. We are so lucky now - there are instant and free ways to be in touch whenever we like!

When my cousin emigrated to Canada in the early 1970s, the only way to keep in touch was to speak to her parents about every other month by phone (as it was so expensive) and to send tape recordings of her chatting and telling her news through the post by airmail!!

On the other hand, it sounds as though you don't really get on very well with her anyway. You might drift apart even if she only moves 20 miles away.

MatildatheCat - you are making the common mistake of assuming everyone is posting from the UK when you say "Is it Paris she is going to? Because if so why would you not see her for years?".

she stayed her because she was out of job, and I supported her dreams. She went to Paris to get a college degree and I made sure she got every help to make it happen. I really enjoyed her here, and sad that she is leaving as she never really allowed herself to be close in the past. I am just afraid it was just go back the way it was but worst. I was hoping Florida or something, but not CA.

She is your sister whether she is living in the same house or in a different continent. My brother likes in HK, I plan to move to Florida and my family are all British. Why should she stay somewhere where she isn't happy? It is hard and scary, I mistakenly completely detached from my brother before he moved away out of fear of missing him. I regret it terribly. Support her, you will regret it otherwise xxx

Have you talked to her about this? What has she said?

because it's so so simple.

I am really pleased that you are doing something you feel is going to make you happy but it's been so nice really getting to know my sister. I want to make sure we don't lose that. What do you think we can do to make sure we really stay in touch...

yeah, you all right, it is stupid. I just "Feel" like that at the moment. doesn't mean I will do that. I have not talk to her about this which is why I rather express my feelings here. l do not want to mess it up by talking to her.

It's not stupid if what you are actually saying is that you love your sister, you've loved feeling like the two of you have become closer, you value her in your life and you don't want to become distant when she moves.

And telling her that is very unlikely to mess anything up.

As far as U.K. yes, I am from the U.S. (Virginia)

I read it is a global community somewhere so that's why I signed up.

exactly.0

So you are currently located in Virginia, and sister is moving to California?

You would have settled for Florida?

well yeah, but that's because I can drive there in shorter time and my kids' grandparents live there anyhow

let's put it this way, she always kept distant from her family (and always expressed how she doesn't want to be around them.. rather this includes me, I'll never know), she always lived far away and we try to visit when we can but never for more than a day or two. When she stayed with me, I was happy, but then she is leaving someplace even further. yes, I always felt abandoned and hurt by her.

She leaving somewhere further, just when I thought we are beginning to be close, I visualize the things we could do together as sisters that we never did in the past.

I think you are taking it as a rejection, and you need to change that mind set.

See it as your sister exploring her independence, and spreading her wings. And plan with her how you will keep in touch. My sister lives a long way away from me and we email at least once a week, for example.

Just saw your last post - I can see you are hurting over the 'lost future which would have healed the past'.

You can still make a good future with your sister. You can still let go of hurts in the past.

yes, that's how I feel... but i just know thought about if I did go to CA, maybe I will end up staying a week when it's always been a day or two (or when she comes, it will be a week too) We have so many spread out family, just hope I have time for everyone.

My family is spread out, too, over four different countries. I know it's hard.

Modern technology really helps, though.

Do you not get quite cheap flights in the US, or is that a thing of the past?

not sure, but I doubt it is cheap. I can hardly make money, so I am living off of my husband's income.. plus two kids and medical bills and debt.

Sign-up to Facebook, Skype. It's not difficult!

i should do facebook. Skype, it's too hard. like I wrote, I am deaf (with a cochlear implant) so it is hard to understand what she is saying. But she doesn't want to do Facebook anyhow. she has strong opinions about it. She always felt that people pretends to be interested in your life on facebook but when you actually plan to do something together, they are too busy. She feels true friends will email you, not get on Facebook... plus many other reasons why she hates facebook

Email or text messaging is the least we can do. And everytime she writes, it is always short and simple as if she doesn't want to take the time to actually write to me. it is more like "hi, how are you doing, I am fine" short. I don't know if I can handle that anymore.

You really do need to have a heart to heart talk with her, I think.

You can have a good relationship by email if you want to. You can send her photos and ask her to send you some too.

My mobile phone is set up so that photos go automatically to a file on my computer and so I can easily send any photo I have taken to someone else should I so desire.

It is sad for you that she is going but try to be determined to keep in touch and you will.

oh btw, one of the poster mention why i brought up paris is because she was willing to cut out her friend over it... makes me worry she'll do the same, especially when I have kids (she doesn't)

I suspect she rather picks up on your husband's vibes that she isn't welcome.

It sounds like you want one thing from the relationship and she is happy with things in a different way. But she obviously trusts and loves you - you don't move in for seven months with someone you don't want to be near! You might not get exactly the relationship you want with her, but you do have quite a few positive elements to it from the sound of it. I think you need to compromise a bit.

Also, maybe try to arrange a time when you can actually talk this out and say how you feel. Maybe she doesn't realise how you feel.

update, She is leaving but She complains too much about teen son. It Caused too much tension between them . She confused my son badly because she is another adult in the house who act she cares (she can be bossy) but she got mad because he was disrespectful (actually he told her none of her business in a mean tone).. so she decided to lose interests in going to his science fair. She didn't bother asking how he did (but if she did, I probably would have told her "I thought you weren't interested" anyhow). I am kinda peeved by this even though he is not her son.