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Relationships

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Original poster

Sister is moving very far from me, and now I don't feel like I want to talk to her anymore.

59 replies

blueberrypie0112 · 31/01/2015 12:22

She planned to move there without a job too because it is her desired place to live. She have been staying with me for about 7 months (which my husband does not approve but she doesn't know that) and she has a job here that she hates, and she will not find jobs locally at all. I just feel that she doesn't care to be around, so I just don't want to talk to her anymore. It will be years before she'll or I will be able to visit to see each other.

I also don't think she understood what I mean when we were discussing about her friends not being able to see her in Paris when she was lonely. my sister only stayed in Paris for one year, but her friend visited another friend in England in the past so that made her upset. What she didn't take into consideration that her friend was Childless when she went to England. She just had a baby when my sister went to Paris. I told her that her children will is her priority right now, and my sister said and now I am not so that why I should not be friends with her anymore. It blew me away that she didn't understand what I meant.

It also upset me that she fell one time during the middle of the night and no one heard her in the house so she was like "it just goes to show I am better off alone" and "When your son fell, everyone came to check on him" and "I always checked on him, but he didn't with me (he is a teen)". Seriously, no one could hear her, I don't think she fell hard at all nor screamed loud enough. I told her that he is just a loud person, it is hard to NOT to hear him (well, I am deaf with one cochlear implant so when it is off, I can't hear anything anyhow) . She made me feel horrible because no one could hear I just felt she just want more excuse to end our relationships.

is it normal for me to feel this way?

OP posts:

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 31/01/2015 12:30

She lives somewhere where she is not welcome and she has a job which she hates. If she's made a decision to change her life, hopefully for the better, and move out of your home to somewhere a long way away, then you should support her decision rather than try to undermine it. I doubt that she's moving away to spite you or to end your relationship.

MatildaTheCat · 31/01/2015 12:35

Is it Paris she is going to? Because if so why would you not see her for years? Be happy for her and she will be nice back.

And don't be so sure she doesn't know that your husband isn't keen on her being there's seven months is a very long time to stay with someone.

Joysmum · 31/01/2015 12:39

I'm glad she has the balls to try to make a life for herself somewhere she feels she could be happy.

Many of my friends have ad the balls to follow their dreams and only the shallow and envious have critised.

My own grandparents moved to rural France 20 years ago because they too realised you only get one life.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 31/01/2015 12:41

No, it's really not normal. Normal would be to love your sister enough to want her to be happy, even if that meant not seeing her regularly.
Unless she is exceptionally stupid, she'll know your husband doesn't want her there. Don't think people don't notice things like that. You know whether you're welcome or not.
She also hates her job.
Paris is such a short distance away and travel has never been cheaper.
To say "she wants to end our relationships is a really odd thing to say and more something a lover would say, not a sibling.

Original poster

blueberrypie0112 · 31/01/2015 12:43

No, she is moving other side of the U.S. (2, 000 miles away) She could easily get any nearby jobs and get an apartment. She doesn't want to.

I can go see her, but like I wrote, it will be hard for both of us to see each other.

OP posts:

LoisPuddingLane · 31/01/2015 12:44

I left the UK for a different country and I didn't have much in the way of work set up. Most people were really happy for me, but one or two (family inc) were all "Mid life crisis. What if it doesn't work? Don't burn your bridges!"

I burned my bridges.

And the people who were happy for me, are still happy for me. It's an adventure. Be happy for your sister.

Hoppinggreen · 31/01/2015 12:46

I don't think the sister is going to Paris , I think she went to Paris before and was lonely. It's hard to understand the thread to be honest.
It's up to your sister OP, you shouodbe happy fur her and support her decision

SparkleSoiree · 31/01/2015 12:46

It's unhealthy to live your life according to other people's wishes. It's your sister's life and just now she has no home of her own or a job that she enjoys going to. Sounds like she is taking advantange of a brilliant opportunity of clearing the decks and starting afresh - for herself.

If you want/choose you can still have a relationship with your sister. There are families all over the world who has other family living in different countries and they still maintain links with each other.

Try and be happy for your sister and encourage her dreams. That's part of supporting someone you love.

hamptoncourt · 31/01/2015 12:50

So if she doesn't live her life according to your rules you will cut her out?

Nice.

Original poster

blueberrypie0112 · 31/01/2015 12:50

yeah . if she wants to go, it's fine. I just got tired of some of her comments over the past 7 months that made me feel such a way

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 31/01/2015 12:53

Has she actually checked out moving to the US? Unless she has a US passport it's not very easy to just 'go and live and work' there.

Viviennemary · 31/01/2015 12:53

If you don't want your sister to move because you think it's a huge mistake or you don't think she'll cope you are right to be concerned. But you simply can't say that she must live near you because she owes you something as a kind of pay back. She must be left to lead her own life and make her own mistakes. I think it's a bit mean to say you want no more to do with her.

BackforGood · 31/01/2015 12:53

The OP has me really confused I@m afraid, but, if I've got it right...

You are both in the US
She is currently living with you bet doesn't feel welcome
She is doing a job she hates.
She's decided to take a punt on moving to the other side of the country and hoping she can get a job.
Because of that, you have decided you are not going to talk to her. ??

I don't think that's a helpful reaction at all.
There are sayings (and songs ) about 'if you love someone, set them free' aren't there - that's what she is doing - making a leap of faith in the hope she can carve out a better life for herself. I can understand you might privately feel a bit sad you won't see her regularly (although with Skype, etc, it's hardly the same as it was when people moved years ago), but it's the next step she wants to take in her life. It's probably a bit scary for her, and it's a time you should be supporting her and letting her know you are there for her, not 'stopping talking to her' as if you were both 5 yrs old.

tryingtofindausername · 31/01/2015 12:54

Why are you blithering on about Paris then?

No, it's not normal. It's normal to feel sad about it, it's normal to miss her, but it's not normal to be such a bitch about someone making what they want of their life and trying to make their dreams reality. that's something to admire and encourage. One of my best friends moved to the US a couple of years ago and I haven't seen her since. there were tears when she went. But she's happy, it's her life now, we are in touch through Facebook etc. You can Skype your sister for a face to face chat. You can email. It's not like when people emigrated in the past and your only contact was the odd letter.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 31/01/2015 12:57

Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed since you talked about paris and didn't say that she was going somewhere else entirely that she was going to paris

well, still, ok it's further but if she thinks that she wants to do that to be happy then wish her luck and wave her off and be happy for her.

All this "end the relationship" stuff is messed up.

She's your sister.

skype, webcams, texts, etc etc. It's really easy to keep a close relationship with someone without being in the same room as them. You can sit and watch countdown together it's so simple.

Original poster

blueberrypie0112 · 31/01/2015 12:59

actually we don't do facebook or anything. She rarely email anyhow, and I can't hear on the phone well so I don't talk to her on the phone at all. This relationship is going to drift apart anyhow even if I put an effort to it.

OP posts:

lunar1 · 31/01/2015 13:04

It's a really odd thing to do to try and control another adult in this way. Do you do this to other people in your life?

I think you need to have a look at your self and your life and work out what's wrong.

I can't imaging cutting off my brother for living his life, we have things like the phone and Internet to stay connected.

lunar1 · 31/01/2015 13:05

Ok we cross posted, maybe the phone isn't a great option but there is text/email/Skype/post. No reason to cut her off.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 31/01/2015 13:09

Perhaps if you are living very far away from each other you might both decide it's worth 'doing' facebook.

Just because you don't right now, does that mean you are prohibited from doing so?

hey sis, how are we going to stay in touch when you're so far away? shall we set up skype or fb so we can chat regularly? I'm going to miss you, let's make the effort, eh?

I would imagine there's not much call for email or fb if you're living in the same house. How can you possibly know that that won't be something you will both change if she's 2000 miles away.

Unless she's been 2000 miles away in the past and didn't and you neglected to mention it.

chockbic · 31/01/2015 13:09

Maybe its because you feel abandoned and hurt?

She is trying to make a best life. You can't really blame her for that.

Original poster

blueberrypie0112 · 31/01/2015 13:10

I am trying to say that I don't think she really want me in her life, not because of CA. CA was just a way to distance the relationship even more.

OP posts:

Original poster

blueberrypie0112 · 31/01/2015 13:11

no, she always been a few hundred miles away from me

OP posts:

chockbic · 31/01/2015 13:13

She's been living with you for seven months though...

Original poster

blueberrypie0112 · 31/01/2015 13:14

her staying here was the first time we were able to be close.

OP posts:

Ludways · 31/01/2015 13:15

Both my sister and I have lived in the states for years but at completely different times, we only overlapped by 1 month once. We're still close and have a great relationship. We're both in the uk now but about a 4 hour drive apart. We both have our own lives to lead.

YABU

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