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Original poster

I want to contact him what should I put in a text msg to him?

59 replies

rubynoodles37 · 27/01/2015 09:55

Basically long story short. I live in the same village as my parents , their next door neighbour is a single guy the same age as me. He has lived there for about 7 years. I walk my dog around the village every day and he would drive by most days and we would wave and smile etc then 18 months ago out of the blue he stopped and chatted. We got on really well and are quite similar people ie bit shy have slight social anxiety etc. Anyhow, after that our paths would cross about once a week and we would often have a good hour long chat. However I havent seen him now for 2 months ive seen him whilst Ive been driving and he always waves and smiles but our paths just
dont seem to cross anymore. Btw I am happily married my husband knows I chat to this guy and it is just friendship im after but I do miss his chats and was hoping we could have been good mates! Im thinking of texting him a little friendly text but not sure what to write im not good at that sort of thing I dont want it to look like im after anything other than friendship but on the other hand I dont want it too casual. Also im a very sensitive kind of person and ive held back txting him incase he doesnt respond or is curt/offish etc. Just need some advise really how would you word the text in this sort of circumstance? Thanks

OP posts:
pompodd · 27/01/2015 10:00

Crikey. A male perspective: I think any text message to him, no matter how casual you try to make it, will be seen by him as a "come on".

If I were you I'd try to engineer another meeting and chat. Do you even have his mobile number?

ImperialBlether · 27/01/2015 10:03

I agree, the chance of it being misconstrued is really high.

PeppermintPasty · 27/01/2015 10:05

Errrr, well, your first paragraph sounded like you were lovelorn. Then your second says you're happily married. Are you sure it's all innocent on your side?

I know men and women can be friends etc etc, but I tend to agree with pompodd, an approach now would be seen as a come on.

Why this particular person? What about other friends?

RumbelowSale · 27/01/2015 10:18

Live in same village,so why not suggest a getting-to-know-you drink at a local with your OH? After all, the bloke lives next door to your parents, might be good for the future for you and your OH to have someone to call on should they need help?

Or..........hmmm.....am I being naive here?

ImperialBlether · 27/01/2015 10:27

Why don't you ask your husband what you should put in the text, Ruby?

ISpeakJive · 27/01/2015 10:31

Are you sure this guy just didn't back off the moment he found out you were married?

firesidechat · 27/01/2015 11:16

Why don't you ask your husband what you should put in the text, Ruby?

This seems an ideal solution. Grin

I thought I was reading a post about you fancying a man, but no, you are happily married.

BlueBrightBlue · 27/01/2015 11:25

OP, I think you need to recognise that you probably have a bit of a crush on this guy and that's ok, it's perfectly normal to fancy other people.

I think if this person was say to be a woman or an elderly man, you wouldn't think twice about knocking their door.

Don't to anything; this man has most likely realised that you have a bit of chemistry and knowing you are married has done the sensible thing by backing off.

Original poster
rubynoodles37 · 27/01/2015 11:28

Thanks all for your replies-I appreciate it does look as though I may have a 'thing' about this guy but honestly I only see him as a friend and maybe im stupidly naive. Sad thing is if he was female it wouldnt even be classed as an issue! Its just that in the past I have lost touch with one or two people who may have become good friends but my shyness always held me back and I have always regretted that. Btw my dh is fine with whoever im friends with we have been together for 25yrs and trust each other 100%.

OP posts:
pompodd · 27/01/2015 11:31

So why not ask your husband what to put in the text, then?

Original poster
rubynoodles37 · 27/01/2015 11:32

Btw this guy knows im married he and dh do occasionally chat too. Perhaps you are all right and I should leave it how it is!

OP posts:
BlueBrightBlue · 27/01/2015 11:38

Why don't you knock his door next time you and dp are visiting your parents?

Original poster
rubynoodles37 · 27/01/2015 11:38

I have spoken to dh and he says just to text a quick 'hi how are you' but he is more thick skinned than I am and wouldnt worry if he got a reply or not!

OP posts:
Vivacia · 27/01/2015 14:19

Why don't you say something like, "me and Husband are going for a coffee at ThePub on Saturday afternoon. Would you like to join us? It'd be good to catch up!"

Vivacia · 27/01/2015 14:21

If he doesn't reply, so what? It's not as if he's rejected your romantic advances, is it?

Fairenuff · 27/01/2015 17:05

You make it sound like a lot of hard work. He lives next door to your parents!! Just pop round next time you visit them.

MatildaTheCat · 27/01/2015 19:07

Sounds to me like he started getting a bit too keen on you and has withdrawn because he knows you are married. If you start contacting him you might be playing with his feelings a bit.

Wait for a real meeting and instigate a friendly chat. IMO chatting for an hour is quite serious and he could very well have started to fall for you especially if you are such kindred spirits.

Best thing you can do is leave him alone or introduce him to someone single.

sonjadog · 27/01/2015 19:37

I am friends with my neighbour. He is also shy and so am I. I sent him a text one evening asking if he'd like to come over and try my homemade cider, which I had just bottled. He came over and we chatted at the kitchen table for hours. It was very pleasant.

So why not just send him a text asking if he'd like to come over and try your cake/ jam/ whatever?

AHatAHatMyKingdomForAHat · 27/01/2015 20:25

Invite this bloke and his partner round for dinner with you and your DH.

That's what happens in my village when you meet another married person you want to be friends with, no matter your respective sex.

Coconutty · 27/01/2015 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TitchyThings · 27/01/2015 20:36

Just leave things be. Really.

BlueBrightBlue · 27/01/2015 21:13

Op, you sound as if you are a bit bored with your every day life and this man has somehow lifted your spirits for whatever reason.
Get hubby to ask him over for dinner and perhaps a game of cards and it may lead to you, hubby and shy man extending your social repertoire.
There are a lot of lonely people on this planet, it can't do any harm inviting him over.
FWIW I think you might secretly fancy him ,but what do I know?
Bring hubby into the equation lessens the risks of either you and shy man venturing into an uncomfortable relationship.

worrieddadof2 · 27/01/2015 21:18

rubynoodles ive got a thread "wifes male friend", very similar to this situation. Im afraid its not likely to end well.

Original poster
rubynoodles37 · 28/01/2015 14:48

Thanks all for your replies-sadly, I do think your all right and perhaps im best to leave it be!

OP posts:
BlueBrightBlue · 28/01/2015 16:48

There is no reason why you can't be friends with this man, however I think that sending a text may perhaps be misconstrued.
It's a sad reality that often friendliness between the opposite sexes can sometimes be misinterpreted.
I am guilty of being a bit forward and usually with no sexual intent but it has landed me in hot water many times.
Invite this nice chap over for tea/dinner or whatever. You never know he might hit it off with your hubby and you might end up a golf or darts widow.
You say you are quite an introvert, have you thought about joining a group or taking a class, something to boost your confidence?