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Original poster

I want to contact him what should I put in a text msg to him?

59 replies

rubynoodles37 · 27/01/2015 09:55

Basically long story short. I live in the same village as my parents , their next door neighbour is a single guy the same age as me. He has lived there for about 7 years. I walk my dog around the village every day and he would drive by most days and we would wave and smile etc then 18 months ago out of the blue he stopped and chatted. We got on really well and are quite similar people ie bit shy have slight social anxiety etc. Anyhow, after that our paths would cross about once a week and we would often have a good hour long chat. However I havent seen him now for 2 months ive seen him whilst Ive been driving and he always waves and smiles but our paths just
dont seem to cross anymore. Btw I am happily married my husband knows I chat to this guy and it is just friendship im after but I do miss his chats and was hoping we could have been good mates! Im thinking of texting him a little friendly text but not sure what to write im not good at that sort of thing I dont want it to look like im after anything other than friendship but on the other hand I dont want it too casual. Also im a very sensitive kind of person and ive held back txting him incase he doesnt respond or is curt/offish etc. Just need some advise really how would you word the text in this sort of circumstance? Thanks

OP posts:
CuriouSir · 28/01/2015 17:14

How about 'haven't seen you for a while, would you like to meet up for a coffee and a chat?'.

Original poster
rubynoodles37 · 28/01/2015 18:17

Your quite right blue! I do think it is sad that a friendship between two people of the opposite sex is often seen as something which will raises eyebrows! Does everything have to revolve around sex these days?? I may start a new thread with the age old question 'Can a man and woman ever be just friends?'

OP posts:
BlueBrightBlue · 28/01/2015 18:38

I have many men friends, but often there has been issues regarding what our mutual understanding of the relationship is.
This I feel is that sometimes people get he wrong messages. I feel loathed to say" let's just be friends" because it seems I am sorry I'm not attracted to you, and I hate to have to put that to someone I like.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 28/01/2015 18:42

I like the idea of inviting him round for a few drinks and a game of cards with you and your DH. No chance of him getting the wrong impression, and it could be a fun evening.

getthefeckouttahere · 28/01/2015 23:57

no you don't fancy him. nope. not at all, don't be silly, just friends...... :-/

albal14 · 29/01/2015 06:24

Sadly I think It is not a good idea to persue this as others have stated from a mans point it is a come on. I know it should'nt be, just stay as you are and maybe things will develop.

Original poster
rubynoodles37 · 29/01/2015 12:00

I'm glad I put this thread on as your replies have made me realise I have buried my head in the sand this last year and I really do 'like' the OM more than I care to admit! I have just read Worrieddads thread and I really do not want to go down that road, my dh and family are my life. Tbh, I was just completely flattered by the attention. OM is a good man but in all honesty he has many issues that I can't help him with especially when it comes to relationships he tells me he finds it hard to meet anyone becuase he isn't good in large social settings etc and I felt a kinship and probably got carried away thinking we were kindred spirits. I will not text him and will push all thoughts of him away as in all honesty I don't think he is a friendship kind of guy. Pretty sure he may already be having an affair with a married woman who he has known for years (yes thought I would throw that revelation in last minute and you will (rightly so) tell me to run for the hills!).

OP posts:
pompodd · 29/01/2015 12:02

Bloody hell, ruby. Feels like I wasted my time replying now! Would have helped if you'd been honest from the start...

HotLipsHoulihan · 29/01/2015 12:04

So your op was basically a load of nonsense then

Original poster
rubynoodles37 · 29/01/2015 13:07

Im really sorry I never intended to pull the wool over anyones eyes. I was/am in denial and I genuinely believed I could put my feelings to one side and be just friends with him as we are simular in personality. I am perhaps deeply naive, I have been with my dh since the age of 16 all my male friends are my female friends oh and obviously I dont know men that well! But reading the replies has made me realise I AM being a fool and need to be careful who I choose as close friends!

OP posts:
BlueBrightBlue · 29/01/2015 16:26

Cut this woman some slack FGS!
She was in denial about her feelings.
Sometimes I think that if you give to much info your accused of drip feeding or too little and you are accused of making the whole thing up.

Fairenuff · 29/01/2015 16:42

No Blue, it's missing out these important details and then adding them at a later time which is 'drip feeding'.

Like, oh yes I forgot to say that 'I genuinely believed I could put my feelings to one side' and 'he may already be having an affair with a married woman who he has known for years (yes thought I would throw that revelation in last minute'

She even calls him the OM. This is no sudden realisation, op knew what she was up to all the time.

Hmm
BlueBrightBlue · 29/01/2015 20:13

Have none of you ever felt an attraction to someone and only later realised that it was perhaps a romantic one?
I have and I very much doubt I'm the only one.
Feelings and emotions are not that cut and dried. If they were I'd question if I were really human or not.

Fairenuff · 29/01/2015 20:18

OP has admitted on another thread that she was 'almost addicted to the thrill of it' so she knew from the start what this was all about. She misled posters here.

BlueBrightBlue · 29/01/2015 20:30

What thread is that Fairenuff?
Did she mention this bloke?

Fairenuff · 29/01/2015 20:31

She was talking about him, yes.

BlueBrightBlue · 29/01/2015 20:36

Where? I don't see anything on all of her nine threads to suggest anything of the sort. Give us a link.
The poor woman asked for help and politely took heed of the advice.

Fairenuff · 29/01/2015 20:40

I don't think it's protocol to link but if you check those threads again, it is on one of them.

Fairenuff · 29/01/2015 20:40

Or maybe OP will come back to explain herself?

BlueBrightBlue · 29/01/2015 20:48

It's not protocol?? Flippin 'eck, you just blatantly stated on this forum that she has said she was " almost addicted" to this man.
Is this a wind up or what? You must have too much time on your hands if you have taken the time to read every one of her posts.
The OP has realised she has an attraction for someone, why on God's green Earth to you want to cross examine every word this woman has posted.
Methinks she is not the one with the obsession.

Fairenuff · 29/01/2015 20:49

I happened to be on the other thread Blue. Do you want me to pm it to you?

Fairenuff · 29/01/2015 20:50

I was on it before OP posted, btw. I didn't search her posts like you did.

BlueBrightBlue · 29/01/2015 20:54

There were 9 posts, I didn't read them ,just gauged by their titles.
The OP has said her piece, she's realised that there is an attraction and is not going to pursue the matter any further.
Why make her feel worse than she already does, are you getting something out of this?

Fairenuff · 29/01/2015 21:03

Blue you are making a big thing of this.

OP had a secret crush on this guy which she kept to herself. She was thinking of contacting him and posted this thread. However, she was not entirely open and kept all this important information back. When she admitted it, posters on this thread were understandably a bit pissed off.

But it's one post in thousands and will soon be forgotten.

BlueBrightBlue · 29/01/2015 21:08

No I'm making a " thing" about the unnecessary spiteful comments some posters have made.
Why would anyone be genuinely pissed off, she means nothing to them; they choose whether to comment on a post or not, they do not have a gun pointed to their head.