Can she do this?

[Prforone]

My DP and his wife have been separated now for four years.

He recently received a letter from a debt collector's in relation to some private medical treatment their DS received some time last year. DP was aware of the DS having this treatment; however, his "D"W at the time assured him it was covered on her private medical insurance. It wasn't, and he has now received this letter demanding immediate payment. It was addressed to him at their previous marital home (where she still lives) but has come to him because he has a mail redirection service set up.

DP will settle this as it relates to his DS but there is a concern that she did this on purpose. I should point out she has a history of accruing debts for which he somehow becomes liable as it is recorded that he is still the homeowner. Having his mail redirected, she cleverly does this knowing he'll get notification from a debt collector in time when she doesn't pay up.

What can he do to stop this happening? Is there such a thing as "official separation" that he can get legally documented without her consent? She refuses to divorce him on the grounds she can't afford it (even though she can); the reality is she would have to give up their lovely (big) marital home and will lose out on this clever way of screwing him over money-wise.

Any advice greatly received.

This is one for a solicitor and I think he's going to have to get the divorce ball rolling to be honest. I'm sure she can cover any costs from her share of the assets. In the meantime, he needs to sever all 'joint' financial ties. Is he still a mortgagee on the former family home, for example?

If she is still legally his wife she can do this, of course.
He really should have started divorce proceedings by now.

BTW... the answer to 'can she do this?' is 'yes, she's doing it already'. And the initiative for bringing this to an end has to be your DP's rather than yours. It is his problem to resolve.

I can't believe your man is having to pay for medical treatment for his own son, that must be awful for him and you

Look, he can get divorced in a year can't he?

the issue is not the medical treatment OP said they were paying and happy to do so

its subsequent debt letters incurred by exW as he is listed as home owner

I think I would be furious if this happened to me, that is why I would take steps to make sure I wasn't vulnerable in this way.

Are you sure her husband didn't know he was getting the bill but just didn't tell you?

And re the house, it is inevitable that at some point lawyers will need to be involved, but it sounds like he doesn't really mind her being there?

Forget what he says and look at what he does. He is allowing this sort of thing to happen so IMO it isn't really bothering him.

She is not his ex wife yet.

Do you mean she is taking loans out that are secured against the house?

I think you need legal advice too.

For me the concern is not so much the bill, but the fact that she's not gone through the proper process of recovering the money.

If she goes to a debt collection agency then there will be additional fees included and there will also have been deemed for sufficient notice to have been given of the obligation.

Having engaged debt cold toon agencies myself, I've had to provide a paper trail showing what had led me to require the debt collection agency's service. Can they provide this?

The implications could reach into the future beyond the debt issue itself so please make sure legal advice is sought.

*collection

Okay, let's just clarify a few things here. I am very grateful for the advice received so far.

Cogito - I know it's DP's problem to resolve. He is at his wits' end with this keep happening and I asked the question on here so that I could give him some constructive advice on where he stands, rather than just a "there, there".

Rinabean - Wow, that's some spiteful response.

WellDidYa - Thank you so much for clarifying for Rinabean.

Joysmum - Can I just ask what you mean be "she's not gone through the proper process of recovering the money"?

Quitelikely - It IS bothering him. He was assured by the wife (at the hospital appointment, as he attended also) that she had the treatment covered on her insurance. He didn't allow her to screw him over on this. What he does fear, however, is losing access to his DS which she has threatened him with in the past, so he believes he is caught between a rock and a hard place.

Who employed the debt collection agency?

Then he absolutely needs to get a good solicitor and bring the relationship to a proper end, including contact details. If it's been four years and he has established regular contact, various payments or whatever then he has set the precedent and can argue to maintain it. His exW, if she has no money, won't be able to afford to block

I'm guessing the hospital for not having their fees met?

Ok, that makes sense. I think Joysmum thinks the Ex did.

You can send the letter to her (keep a copy) and ask her in writing the claim off her insurance as she offered.

to claim

Thanks Cogito. I know he needs to get the ball rolling on this too but her threats to keep his DS away from him are what scares him. She has got money, by the way. She's using this as an excuse but truth is she is in a high-powered full-time job and receives a very generous monthly maintenance sum from DP.

As I say, the reality is she would have to move out of their lovely home which has more bedrooms than required for her and DS and wouldn't be in a position to run up these debts for him to cover if they were divorced.

LineRunner, she lied about having the insurance to cover the costs of DS's treatment.

That's not true, though. She can buy your DP out. I did that with my ExH. Or she could possibly stay whilst the DC is in education and your DP has a charge on the house, if she can afford that (she will have to take on the mortgage).

Your DP really needs to sort this and a contact order out, and child support.

He's going to have to swallow his fears or risk being bullied for the rest of his life. How old is their DS?

Well, as you say, your DP is paying the bill anyway. I daresay they both signed something at the hospital? Strange she didn't have to show insurance details though.

Legal separation is possible but why can't he divorce her?

I'm sorry, I feel like I'm drip-feeding here but it's not intentional!

I bought my ExH out of our house, so I know that's possible. But the house is in her name, despite them buying it together (don't ask me why - long before I was on the scene!). Without his financial help, she couldn't afford to live there anymore.

Regarding child support, he provides this already. The fact that he pays more than the minimum amount is his prerogative. If he dropped it down to the minimum, he knows for a fact she would stop him seeing his DS.

How much?

He needs to get fully divorced ASAP.