Can she do this?

[Prforone]

My DP and his wife have been separated now for four years.

He recently received a letter from a debt collector's in relation to some private medical treatment their DS received some time last year. DP was aware of the DS having this treatment; however, his "D"W at the time assured him it was covered on her private medical insurance. It wasn't, and he has now received this letter demanding immediate payment. It was addressed to him at their previous marital home (where she still lives) but has come to him because he has a mail redirection service set up.

DP will settle this as it relates to his DS but there is a concern that she did this on purpose. I should point out she has a history of accruing debts for which he somehow becomes liable as it is recorded that he is still the homeowner. Having his mail redirected, she cleverly does this knowing he'll get notification from a debt collector in time when she doesn't pay up.

What can he do to stop this happening? Is there such a thing as "official separation" that he can get legally documented without her consent? She refuses to divorce him on the grounds she can't afford it (even though she can); the reality is she would have to give up their lovely (big) marital home and will lose out on this clever way of screwing him over money-wise.

Any advice greatly received.

So is he basically planning to stay married to her ad infinitum? Until the DS is 18? 21? Has he ever even taken legal advice or is he just letting assumptions and fears dictate the pace?

LineRunner - In my experience with private medical care, you make all the arrangements re. insurance details prior to your hospital visit so I don't imagine there was a requirement for her to show insurance details once there. She told DP the treatment was booked and covered on her (non-existent, it transpires) medical insurance.

If she is prepared to use her own son as a weapon then go ahead and let her.

I would persuade your dp to explain that he will not tolerate her nonsense anymore and if she threatens to stop contact then so be it. I'm sure she will soon realise how awful she is being but if not then you could always go to court.

Just don't be bullied by her. Tell dh a change of tactic is needed sharpish.

Cogito - DP took legal advice initially four years ago and his solicitor initiated divorce proceedings. However, every letter sent was ignored and, with every letter sent, there was a solicitor's fee attached and it was crippling DP financially. DP thinks she's stalling until they've been apart five years so that a non-blame divorce can happen. Forgive my naivety but I'm not even sure that's legit if they haven't made it official they've separated?

Trust me, I find it exasperating that he remains "tied" to her but he is so scared she'll turn their DP against him.

I agree, he's got to take the bull by the horns and start divorce proceedings, call her bluff and make it clear he will do whatever it takes in terms of legal proceedings to ensure contact continues.

x-posted. He must be able to provide evidence of some description to show they have lived apart for 4 years, presumably he changed addresses at banks, driving licence etc at the time? Maybe it is worth sitting it out for 5 years now having got this far? But be prepared to launch in as soon as that five years is up.

No fault divorce happens after two years

Ah, so proof of different address is sufficient to show separation? (Again, forgive my naivety!).

Married people aren't liable for each other's debts.

Although sound like such a nice person wanting a sick child evicted from their home.

All it took for me was making a statement to the solicitor that we had separated as of such and such a date, no proof was required.

With regards to this specific issue your dp is responsible because he agreed when he signed the forms with the hospital. Since this obviously isn't the first time this has happened why did he even sign the forms?

Who said I want to evict a sick child from their home? I'm not going into the reason for the hospital visit on here as I don't think it's relevant to the discussion but, safe to say, DP's son does not have some life-threatening or terminal condition. The consultation was for something really quite mild.

What kind of person do you take me for?

I think you should wait it out then. I have had a quick google and see that she can totally refuse to engage and only after five years can it be granted without her say so. But the thing is, the decree absolute cannot be issued until all financial settlements have been made so the house would have to be sorted out.

I'm thinking if she didn't engage with regards to the house then the judge might make an order in her absence.

Is it worth him speaking to her one last time? Re: the house and divorce. I certainly would be threatening to pull the plug in the extra financial support he gives her. It's no worse than what she is doing to him.

Different addresses (electoral roll etc) would prove separation if they were applying for benefits or similar and had to show they weren't living as a couple. But if he's in a position where he's being successfully pursued by a debt collection agency, he must have stronger financial links than just the address.

I think DP wants the wife to be accountable for her actions (she was the cause of the marriage breakdown), therefore not keen on a "no-fault" divorce, but thank you, Cogito.

If he has grounds for a fault divorce then if she just ignores it and does not contest it then it would be granted in her absence. The more you try to explain the more confusing it sounds.

He doesn't seem to know a lot about the divorce he is avoiding, for some reason.

My apologies - I'm conscious of drip-feeding but don't want to go into great detail about anything that may not be relevant to my initial query.

I just wondered, in the case of my DP having difficulty obtaining a divorce, whether there was some other legal road he could go down to prevent his wife from pulling a trick like she just has where DP is now being chased by debt collectors for an unpaid medical bill she assured DP was covered by her insurance.

I am very grateful for all the advice I have received - a lot of it backs up what my thoughts were, which is very reassuring, so thank you all.

I thought you said he wanted a 'non-blame' divorce? I'll be honest, it sounds as though he really hasn't looked into this properly for some time. If he is mostly trying to do the decent thing by his exW for fear of losing contact with their son and she, for whatever reason, is prepared to exploit his lack of understanding and/or reluctance to confront, then he's always going to be on the back foot.

You didn't say how old the DS was?

whether there was some other legal road he could go down to prevent his wife from pulling a trick like she just has where DP is now being chased by debt collectors for an unpaid medical bill she assured DP was covered by her insurance.

He doesn't need anything legal all he needs is to stop taking her word for things and to stop signing to confirm he will be responsible for something he doesn't want to be.

Sorry Cogito - he's 14.

A 14yo is able to decide for themselves whether to maintain contact with parents or not and, should it go to court, their view would be very much taken into account. When you said he was worried that the wife would withhold access, I thought we were talking about a much younger child.

Assume the DS is pretty fond of his Dad?

Are you in the UK OP? If so, I believe that it does not matter if she is the only person on the house deeds..... he has an interest in the house recognised by law. Please do and see a solicitor. Soundslike you need it, partic if she would blackmail over access to his DS.

Of course DS is fond of his dad. He is also extremely close to his DM (we're talking making phone calls several times a day when spending time with DP) and will believe anything she tells him (we've had past experience of him being told lies by her in order to put DP in a bad light).

Oh, and you can get divorced even if one partu 'refuses' after a certain length of time apart- which your DP has well exceeded. I think it is two years (?)

CornChips, thank you. Will look into that.