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Original poster

Snoring: How can you live with it?

72 replies

pinkrocker · 14/01/2015 09:18

I know this is not a particularly important subject to post in the Relationship topic, but I'm at the end of my patience, I don't know what to do or how to go on from here.
Just been away for weekend and despite earplugs DP's snoring has caused me to be teary, weepy and pathetic, I am just so tired.
He was after intimacy when he woke up and I just felt like punching him.
I don't know what cures there are?

OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 14/01/2015 09:23

I refused to. DH saw the GP. His turned out to be allergies (probably dust mites). He needs to take anti-histamine every day. If he misses a dose, he sleeps in the spare room. He also snores after drinking red wine so he sleeps in the spare room after that.

His rest is not more important than mine. It's a matter of respect.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/01/2015 09:24

This problem needs to be addressed and now before resentment further builds.

Lifestyle changes such as losing weight tend to be recommended first.

He needs to go to the GP and you need to attend that appointment with him. Excessively loud snoring is seen as a medical problem. Your man may well have sleep apnoea or some other problem with his soft palate.

LeapingOverTheWall · 14/01/2015 09:25

in our case, total screaming banshee meltdown (me) followed by GP, sleep clinic, CPAP machine (DH). Took a long while to get that far though.

ConfusedNC · 14/01/2015 09:31

I slept with earplugs for over a decade. Sometimes didn't work esp if I didn't fall asleep first. Resentment can be awful. Still bit peed off that ex has lost weight for ow so presumably snoring I put up with isn't an issue for her so much.

Sometimes wonder what my life would've been like had I just decided I liked sleep more than him in the early days!

UrchinMadeOfAcne · 14/01/2015 09:44

I've had 15 years of built up resentment because of his snoring.

Last year he went to the sleep clinic and they made him a much guard. It helps although not a complete cure.

It's now more an issue of my anxiety. After so many years of sleeping in a different bed, I just get very anxious at the thought of going to sleep next to him. I just couldn't bear the thought of another sleepless night next to him, so avoided it completely.

However, 2 weeks ago I started reading The Effortless Sleep Method (will try and find a link). It has helped immensely. I've been sleeping in the same bed as him for a week now, with very little problems.

So, a mixture of getting the mouth guard., which brought the sound level down, becoming less anxious about sleeping with him, and ear plugs (I'm psychologically dependant on them now) has almost completely solved the problem.

I hope this was of some help. Even if it's just to tell you that it can be sorted.

Trust me, I know what you're going through. I fantasised about leaving my partner because of it.

UrchinMadeOfAcne · 14/01/2015 09:46

*MOUTH guard! It's a plastic retainer thing he wears all night. It keeps his airways open. Or something.

DuelingFanjo · 14/01/2015 09:49

separate rooms here. I sleep in my son's room. have no idea what I will do when DS gets older and doesn't want me there. Hopefully we will win the lottery and be able to buy a house with a separate wing.

I feel your pain.

my husband has tried mouth guards, a wrist thing that supposedly sets off an alarm and a thing you put in your nose. Nothing works.

Earplugs don't work either.

One thing that did help a bit was ear defenders like kids wear at concerts but they are uncomfortable to sleep in.

Original poster
pinkrocker · 14/01/2015 09:53

Has weight got a lot to do with it?
He is a big fella to be honest.
Thank you for all your honest replies!!

OP posts:
Concordial · 14/01/2015 10:13

As with LeapingOverTheWall it took a screaming meltdown, me getting sick through lack of sleep, threatening to leave him, him to GP, referral to and assessment by sleep clinic, him on CPAP machine.
It took a long time to get there though as he didn't believe it was bad as I said.

CheersMedea · 14/01/2015 10:16

Earplugs work for me. What kind are you using?

Maybe if foam ones are not using try the wax ones?

Joysmum · 14/01/2015 10:46

DH is big, and snores.

His DF was a snorer and contained until the day before he died when he was only about 7 stone at that stage.

There's a number of medical reasons it can happen but weight is the number 1 culprit. You could get him to see his doctor.

I too have earplugs. I also have earbuds and will listen to podcasts until I drift off.

Luckily we have a spare room so I do go there when he's at his worse or I need better sleep but I try not to.

Jackiemagazine · 14/01/2015 11:26

I am in the process of divorcing and snoring (and my husband's refusal to address it) and the resentment it bred, are some of the major reasons for our split. He snores like a fucking tractor. It's meant that we:

Can't sleep in the same room AT ALL
Can't go on holiday as we'd have to pay two lots of singke supplement
Can't stay with friends unless they've two spare rooms

He's overweight,likes a drink and smokes tons. He's done nothing about it and we now sleep on separate floors and even then I need earplugs.

Get it sorted, send him in for a rebore, do whatever it takes. It absolutely kills intimacy stone dead. Knackered and anxious before bed are not aphrodisiacs!

Original poster
pinkrocker · 14/01/2015 14:20

You've hit the nail on the head there Jackie about the aphrodisiacs!! Its such a turn off!!
He wants to book a hol with my DC's this summer hols which is wonderful, and during the day we would all have a wonderful time.
But I'm thinking that a three bed apt would be what we needed so my DC's and I could get some sleep. Which would cost a load.
Although he was occasionally sleeping on the sofa in the living room whilst we were away, his snoring still woke me up so that probably wouldn't help.
I stalked off this morning, back to my own house after a brief kiss goodbye. I did say to him when he crept amourously into the spare bed with me this morning I can't be on with the snoring any more. I think it might be a relationship killer Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkrocker · 14/01/2015 14:21

Cheers I had foam earplugs. They also kept falling out!

OP posts:
Jackiemagazine · 14/01/2015 14:43

Muffles Wax Earplugs from Boots are the only thing that works for me. You have to get a complete seal.

LineRunner · 14/01/2015 14:52

It is a relationship killer, it is well known.

I don't live with DP. We are lucky to spend 2 - 3 nights together a week. Weirdly he started snoring after he gave up smoking. Anyway he was happy to go to GP who has prescribed a spray which is helping. If he hadn't asked for help, I would have been furious - but he was actually quite upset he was stopping me sleeping.

PurpleWithRed · 14/01/2015 14:56

Spare room. I'm glad it makes other people furious - I am a very calm and sweet natured individual but DH has commented on the filthy looks he gets when he's woken me up snoring. In my mind I am inflicting all sorts of terribleness on him.

Weight, meds, colds all a big problem.

LineRunner · 14/01/2015 15:00

I once got out of bed at his house, got dressed and came home at 4.30am to get some sleep. It was either that or smother him.

juneau · 14/01/2015 15:07

My DH snores and yes, extra weight, especially around the neck, can contribute to snoring.

We have separate rooms at home for sleeping and on holiday we do a variety of things - mouth guard for him, ear plugs for me, him sleeping on the sofa sometimes (if there is one), to give us both a good night's sleep.

He is now finally tackling his weight too and I think this is the key. Its taken a long time for him to be in the right head space to do this and the motivation had to be his, however I've found talking honestly and lovingly about it (i.e. not blaming or shaming, but urging him to get healthy so he lives a long and healthy life with us), and him having a less stressful job (this was HUGE), has helped him to get to this point. Hearing of other 40-something men who we know or know of that have keeled over from heart attacks, leaving familes bereft, has also had an impact.

Jjou · 14/01/2015 15:51

My DH's response is that I need to not be such a light sleeper - apparently I snore too and he isn't bothered so this is proof that I'm unreasonable on the subject. His snoring has got worse as his weight and the amount he drinks has got greater, and it's all I can do not to punch him some nights. Even if I'm awake first thing on the weekend, but don't need to particularly get up, the sound of it is so repulsive I have to leave the room. And then I'm furious with him for messing up my sleep and my lie-in as well.
He refuses to think it's that bad or that he needs to do something about it.

chickydoo · 14/01/2015 16:11

Separate rooms on different floors.
I can still hear him though!!!!!
If we go on holiday wax earplugs and lots of kicking him in the back. A large glass of wine helps ( for me not him!) a bit.
He will not see the GP, says it's me being sensitive to it. The whole bloody house shakes.
Unless he sorts it out I can't see us in the same bed again. My sleep is important & I can't function without it.

VenusRising · 14/01/2015 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VenusRising · 14/01/2015 16:21

Breath

NonUrinatInVentum · 14/01/2015 16:25

Separate rooms here. I was like you, tired, weepy and emotional. But mostly angry. He was angry because I was waking him to turn over. I was angry because he was waking me. We're 9 months into separate rooms and it's a revelation (thanks to Mumsnet!)

badbaldingballerina123 · 14/01/2015 17:37

How did he respond Op ? Does he agree it's a problem or does he expect you to laugh it off ?

Snoring has its causes and can be resolved. Some people can tolerate ear plugs and separate rooms but I'm not one of them. I had years of it in a previous relationship and I eventually insisted it was sorted but by then I hated him for the sleep deprivation and his attitude that I should just put up with it.

I would have a serious conversation about this. He's an adult and it's his responsibility to sort it out. If he isn't willing to take responsibility for it I would call it quits.